Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines I'm in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours>

UNTILYOU SEE THE INVISIBLE, YOU CANNOT ENJOY THE IMPOSSIBLE. WHATEVER YOU DO NOT SEE COMING WILL NEVER COME. WHATEVER IS BEYOND YOUR IMMAGINATION IS BEYOND YOUR REALIZATION. YOU CANNOT OBTAIN WHAT YOU CANNOT CONTAIN. KEEP SEEING, KEEP IMAGINING, KEEP WORKING ON IT & IT WILL SOON WALK IN TO YOUR LIFE.

The new preacher had just begun his sermon. He was a little nervous & about 10 mins into D sermon his mind went blank. After a brief 2nd of complete panic, he remembered what they had taught him in seminary about situations like this: repeat D last point. His teacher assured him this would help him remember what was supposed to come next. So he gave it a try.  "Behold, I come quickly," he said. Still his mind was blank. He tried D 2nd time, Still nothing. He tried D 3rd time -- speaking with such force that he fell forward, knocking D pulpit to one side & falling into D lap of a little old lady in D front row.  D young preacher apologized profusely.   "That’s all right" said D little old lady. "It was my fault. I should have gotten out of D way because U told me 3 times u were coming!"

Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of church listening to a fiery preacher.

When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs, "AMEN, BROTHER!"When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, "PREACH IT, REVEREND!"

And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and screamed, "RIGHT ON, BROTHER! TELL IT LIKE IT IS,  AMEN!"

But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet. One turned to the other and said, "He's quit preaching and now he's meddlin'."

A man goes to see his Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asks, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." The next day the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife on the phone yesterday for over three hours. You want my advice?" The man anxiously answers, "Yes." "Take the poison," says the Rabbi.

A young scholar from New York was invited to become Rabbi in a small old community in Chicago. On his very first Shabbat, a hot debate erupted as to whether one should or should not stand during the reading of the Ten Commandments. The next day, the rabbi visited 98 year-old Mr. Katz in the nursing home. "Mr. Katz, I'm asking you, as the oldest member of the community," said the rabbi, "what is our synagogue's custom during the reading of the Ten Commandments?" "Why do you ask?" asked Mr. Katz."Yesterday we read the Ten Commandments. Some people stood, some people sat. The ones standing started screaming at the ones sitting, telling them to stand up. The ones sitting started screaming at the ones standing, telling them to sit down,  " "That," said the old man, "is our custom."

If one day u feel like crying,  call me. I don't promise that i will make u laugh, but i will encourage and cheer you up. If one day u want to run away-- don't be afraid to call me. I don't promise to ask u to stop, but i can run with u. If one day u don't want to listen to anyone, call me. I promise to be there for u but also promise to remain quiet. But one day if u call, and there is no answer, come fast to see me. Perhaps i need you.

"Well, it means he has no conscience for himself if he is really coming out for the Presidency in 2007. He is a joker, he knows. You know the man is a maradona. He wants to play ball. But he has forgotten that Maradona does not score goals again. He doesn't even deliver in the field of play. So, he should go and rest (IBB)."GANI FAWEYINMI"

A faith healer asked Moshe how his family was getting along. "They're all fine," Moshe said, "Except my uncle. He's very sick." "Your uncle is not sick," the faith healer said. "He THINKS he's sick." Two weeks later, the faith healer ran into Moshe on the street. "How is your uncle getting along?" he asked. Moshe shrugged, "He THINKS he's dead."

During school hours one day, a teacher was teaching the students spellings. This conversation ensure between him and one of his student. Teacher: You boy, spell plantain. Boy: Whish one? The ripe one or the unripe one? Teacher: What difference does it make? Just spell plaintain. Boy: Teasha, if you fry the ripe one na 'DODO', if you fry the unripe one, na 'SHIPS', if you roast am na 'BOOLI'. All of them na plantain. Whish one u want make i spell?

Three things in life once gone and never comes back, 1.words 2.opportunity 3.time,three things in life are never sure, 1.dreams 2.sucess 3.fortune.threee things in life that make you a great person,  1.hardwork 2.sincerity,  3.sucess,  three things in life are most valuable,  1.love 2.hope 3.honesty,three things inlife that desyroy a person,  1.greed 2.pride 3.anger, if u re my friend send this to all friends too includling me.1luv and stay clear mostly ur ways are mean make sure they are pure.letter,

A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back "Revelation 3:20" and stuck it in the door. (Revelation 3:20 reads: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he will with me.")

The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was a notation "Genesis 3:10" ("And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked.").

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."

Different Countries & Their Romantic Meanings" These are really cool meanings !!!!! "H.O.L.L.A.N.D" Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies. " I.T.A.L.Y." I Trust And Love You. "L.I.B.Y.A." Love Is Beautiful; "F.R.A.N.C.E." Friendships Remain And Never Can End. "C.H.I.N.A." Come Here,  I Need Affection. "B.U.R.M.A." Between Us, Remember Me Always. "N.E.P.A.L." Never Ever Part As Lovers. " I.N.D.I.A." I Nearly Died In Adoration. "K.E.N.Y.A" Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing. "C.A.N.A.D.A." Cute And Naughty Action that developed into attraction "K.O.R.E.A." Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every adversity. "E.G.Y.P.T." Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing! "M.A.N.I.L.A." May All Nights Inspire Love Always

A wandering monk walked barefoot everywhere he went, to the point that the soles of his feet eventually became quite thick and leathery. And because he ate very little, he gradually became very frail. Several days often passed between opportunities to brush his teeth, so he usually had bad breath. Therefore, throughout the region, he came to be known as the super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children,  "Youall have obsessions,he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mother, "Your obsession is with money. Again,it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turns to the third mother. "Your obsession is alcohol. This manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers. "Come on, privates, we're leaving".

A young lady is giving directions to her NEW boyfriend to get to her apartment. She says: ''You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you'' The boyfriend says: ''Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?'' "Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?''