Copy and Paste Yahoo! Offlines IM in Here. <all The Funnies And Rumours>

 A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

Parish cock was stolen during service.Priest announces:Who has seen a cock?All women rose.I mean who has a cock?All men rose.No i mean who has seen my cock?All reverend sisters rose, Not funny right,Laugh it off

It takes more than caring To be a real friend; The nature of friendship; Requires a blend Of warmest compassion And love deep and true To reach and to comfort The way that you do. Because I can see That your kind of friendship Is priceless to me.Happy New Month

Wole Soyinka died and went to heaven ,  As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said Soyinka, "whose clock is that?" "That's Bishop Ajayi Crowther's. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie." "Incredible," said Soyinka. "And whose is that one?" St Peter responded, "That's Nnamdi Azikwe's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Zik told only two lies in his entire life." "Where's Obasanjo's clock?" asked Soyinka. "Obasanjo's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan, 

 i have news for you  : many people think Abacha is roasting in hell - he couldnt get into heaven , he was such a bad guy , but the devil didnt take him into hell , the devil was soooooooooo scared he ( Abacha ) will plan a coup in hell and over throw him.

Dear Son, I am writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read very fast. We are all very well here. You won't recognise the house when you get home because we've moved. It is quite nice and has got a washing machine. I put shirts in it last week, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since. Your father's got a really good job now. He's got 500 men under him. He's cutting the grass at the cemetery. Your sister Mary has had her baby, but I don't know if it's a boy or girl, so I can't tell you whether you're an aunt or an uncle. Your cousin Pat died last week at the brewery. He fell into a vat of whiskey. A couple of his mates dived in to save him, but he fought them off bravely. He was cremated on Wednesday, and it took a week to put the fire out. It only rained twice last week.

Dat's great Nike very funi ones. LoL, more o' that, may be I should subscribe to your offlines

Stone is Enough to Break a Glass…… One Sentence is Enough to Break a Heart……One Second is Enough to Fall in Love……and One Misunderstanding is Sufficient to Break Friendship. Friendship is the Rainbow Between to Hearts. Sharing 7 Characters First i like u, then i loved u, Now i'm afraid to lose u, If you don't send this to everyone on your list, u will lose the person you love. sorry i don't wana lose the person i love, 

Any offline buddies?

One Sunday a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach. The cowboy said, "I'm not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I'd still feed him."So the minister began his sermon. One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he liked the sermon. The cowboy answered slowly, "Well, I'm not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn't feed him all the hay."

Trouble arrives in measures, and we stack it up real high, until we're convinced, we have no reason to try. If you feel defeated, you're absolutely wrong, for if you follow your dream, you could never lose for long. Ignore the minor set-backs that pile up and trouble you, or you will build a mountain, out of the stones hurled at you. The future holds great promise, your destiny unknown, but God is always helping, and you're never alone. Soar bravely toward your goal. Let nothing darken the way. You can change your tomorrow, if you seek your dream today. Trouble arrives in measures, and we stack it up real high, until we're convinced, we have no reason to try. If you feel defeated, you're absolutely wrong, for if you follow your dream, you could never lose

One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy, do you see the tree outside? Yes. do you see the grass outside? Yes. Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky. Yes, I saw the sky. Did you see God?: No. That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. He doesn't exist. A little girl stood up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. : Tommy, do you see the tree outside? Yes.: do you see the grass outside? Yesssss Did you see the sky? Yessssssssss. do you see the teacher? Yes.: Do you see her brain? No. Then according to what we were taught today in school, she did not have one!!! "FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT"

 If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? hehehe,  Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? Oops,  Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker.If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible? Why is it called building when it is already built? If a book about failures sells, is it a success ? If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots? If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? Ponder on this and more,

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Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?" "I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"When the waiter came by, Al said, "Are there any Chinese Jews?" "I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied and he went into the kitchen. He quickly returned and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews." "Are you sure?" Al asked. "I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere." "Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange jews, prune jews, tomato jews and grape jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese jews!"

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate Julie was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates." About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"