I'm Confused

Hi All,

I'm in a kind of dilemma right now and don't know exactly what to do.

Shortly before I left Nigeria in 2004, I got engaged to my girlfriend of about 5years. She is a very sweet and caring lady. We agreed she 'll come over to Canada as soon as I settle down. My Uncle facilitated my coming to Canada by securing admission to do a professional engineering program. But two months after i arrived the man changed completely. He refused to pay my outstanding fees and so I had to cough out part of the remaining balance myself. In short, i was completely bankrupt in less than five months.

Then life became really hard. I always shuttle between work and classroom almost everyday and scared of going back home to avoid problems with my Uncle and his wife. I remember times I had bread and orange juice all day. Sometimes rice and chili (concoction). My reason for this modest lifestyle is to enable me to be able to save up for my fees.

After about 10months, I met this white lady. i must confess, this woman is a rear catch. She also studied in the same universityand from a very well to do home. Initially we were very good friends, we go see movies together and so on. I told her I don't want a relationship because of my financial situation but to my surprise, she offered to pay my fees balance. Before i knew what was happening I was living in her apartment. She provided EVERYTHING i needed. She got my car loan (for which I only pay the monthly installments). Later I met her parents, they mentioned their reservation about Africans, but they still accepted me. One of their family friends specifically commented that Nigerians are not reliable.

Her father helped me in securing a good job as a design engineer in a multinational company. Right now we've bought our own house. I went to Nigeria last year, bought a land and a car for my parents. They kept discussing about marriage to my fiancee. I know the girl has been very helpful and they really like her. I tried to hint my mum about the white lady but seems she doesn't want to be a party to it.

The lady in Nigeria is now pressurizing me that we must get married this year. Her family keep calling me everyday about my plans for their daughter.
To be candid, I had to change my lifestyle to suit Nigerian girl because of her family background. I had to give up drinking, friends, no partying talk less of clubbing and she always want this crowd thing. No privacy as such, we seldom go out alone which implies me spending a lot. The Canadian lady on the other hand is very understanding. I'm always myself with her and she accepted me for whom i am. She loves me naturally although I'm not disputing the love of my fiancee.

Please i need GOOD advice. who should I dump? I love the white lady more.

@busta

of course


@poster

am sorry not to be sympathetic . . . . .  . you don't need good advice rather you need a good beating!!!!!!


You have been leading on both women and now you have reached the climax of both relationships you come to nairaland to ask for help.

Make up you mind fast but you will need to go to God for forgiveness because you will break one lady's heart which i feel is really mean of you.

I won't be surprised if you pick the canadian lady . . . . . . .  Nigerian's are after all unreliable. . . .  shey?

If I was God I will take both women from you. You don't deserve any of them.

For years you fooled the naija lady into thinking that she was with you. Imagine all the guys she would have ignored because she thinks you are in the picture. You have ruined her life.

Meh, almost five years of dating plus 4 years now since we r in 2008 and you're dere talking about loving the white lady, u love the white lady because you are scared of what will happen if u break it up but for da naija one, who kares, Remember Nemesis,

Marry the 2 of them naa !

Most people who post a threads on here about something like this, Honestly I knw you have desired what you want . You said d canadian girl is understanding, Your problem is not new , I've seen people with the same problem.  Marry em both, Or sit the white girl down and explain everything to her . She's Understanding you say, Most of em are. But I will advice you not to try and tell d naija girl to move on. You will jus end up in Naija If you know what I am talkin about,  Naija peeps can get mad on this and I advice you to take her, Because A jo o da b ile,

Sign Out

i hope both of them dump your sawry ass.

this look slike one of them nigerian movies were ramson noah goes to london and leave genevieve in the village, he gets there and meet omotala jalade, who now buys him KFC n just becosue d chicken taste nice he 4gets all about genevieve and geneveive is at home suffering and hoping


dude do u want me 2 write u a script, any volunteer for genevive roll.
any fair guy for ramson noah role,  holla d director acidrop

thats bullshit.

I believe u knw wht u doin. Be with who u love regardless of the situation though your actions was not right.

@ all,

You all have your points but to me I don’t think any person should blame the Poster considering the condition that pushed him to that white lady.  The guy needed help by all means and God provided help through the white lady.  So, for the guy to dump the white lady after all her kindness to him means that the Poster is such a mean fellow.

It is not his intention to break the heart of the Nigerian girl neither it's his intention to break the heart of the white lady.  So, what do you want the guy to do?  Have two girls as wives?  That is the silliest thing.  Guy, please marry anyone your mind want, but if you dump the Nigerian girl, she must be compensated heavily and you must remain kind to her throughout your life.  However, if you dump the white lady, still find a way to compensate her heavily.  All the same, you must be careful  with anyone you dump because your life may be at stake.

Marry both home and away   

my dear let me break to you. there is not honest way you can resolve this. you can't leave the naija girl seh might never find enybody else. lets face the older the harder it isto get a husband. asfor the whitie she will kill u. she will never trust another african man ever again.

you are caught in between. GAIN THER I SNO HONEST WAY TO RESOLVE THIS.

you can leave both of them: that wont chnage anything because they will still both be hurt.

you can move back to naija and marry the niaja girl. when u marry her you can chnge the way she is afterall when people get maried they tend to calm down a bit. the whute girl will never forgive you so don't bother begging cut her off completely and all her family and frnds too. she wont come to naija wats the worst she can do? its not like you have any real strings attached.

you can marry the whte one and hurt the one you have stringed on for so long specially leaving her with half the chances of the white girl if it was the othr way around. also you have family ties you can't run away that easily werever you turn she will be there. the worst she can do is place a curse on you. you know its africa THAT CURES MUST WORK!

my suggestion:
MARRY THE NAIJA GURL she has been waiting too long. your families have already met each other. you have already promised marriage. you owe here more than just money.
but how do u discharge the white girl? tell here you have been forced into marriage by your culture and family. and that your parents have threatened to disown u. that way you spare her feelings. she will be hurt but not as much as yiou saying u had a fiancee since.

i know my advice is dishonest but lets face it nobody here is righteous,
naralanders can be hypocrites and and we all know there is no honest way to resolve this. at least he was my frien dthat is what i will advice there is no bright side to look up too.
OF COURSE YOU HAVE TO GO TO CHURCH AND PRY FOR FORGIVENESS AFTER.

I kind of agree with the above insert they are calling you now because you stupidly went home to show off you new found wealth now they are already doing th juju to make sure that you don't forget their daughter.
 I say don't break the Canadian girl's heart. In all honesty how many men has your Nigeria Fiancee dealt with while you were away (which is what you did too) If i were you i would just go home give her family a substantial amount of money and call off the engagement so that they wouldn't think of you as the jerk that you are ( that much anyway) give them money buy them a piece of land and let them know that you don't want to marry their daughter anymore and when you go back home to Canada don't mention anything. Also, if you ever want your mother or parents to meet your white chick make sure they come to Canada and not you taking her to Nigeria. Because we don't want the Canadian army destroying your village over their child.

Unbelievable! So the reason to marry a Nigerian girl now is because she wont find someone else? My dear, this is about a man's future not about whether a girl will marry or not.
The white girl wont kill him but i'd marry the white girl if i were him for the following STRONG reasons:
 - this girl was there when he was absolutely NOTHING.
 - Do you know what it means to get a car ON YOUR OWN credit history for someone else?
 - She stuck with him through thick and thin, now that its time for her to reap what she sowed you want him to leave her for a girl who's just interested in a good life for herself and her family? Where was this Nigerian girl when he was drinking garri.


he owes her nothing but an apology.


how does he discharge the nigerian girl? Tell her you've found someone who loves you and truly cares for you in a way she's never done before.


at least you know. 

mmmmmmmmm. . . . . .  na so u be?