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Uche2nna (m)
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Unless showing my kids that mother is not an idiot but believes everyone has rights or teaching the children they should be assertive is telling them not to listen to their husband then no.
Also we should submit but men are women wrapper. There are just too many inconsistencies in this whole belief system.
It is your job as a woman to teach them there are two sides to a coin. If You are teaching them assertiveness, You should also let them know of humility. Assertiveness to the point of rudeness and with no regard to instituted authority would be counter-active. I bet as a mom, You would want your first issue to be in control of the other siblings if u are not in the house?  |
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Uche2nna (m)
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As my mom puts it she was not bought. Both my parents I guess are forward thinkers because they don't believe in the dowry system. In the case of waiting for a marriage proposal. . . am shy until I want something and if I want something really bad I go for it believe, if I ever think a man is worth spending a life for then am asking. And am also one of those contemplating keeping or extending my last name especially since I want to get a doctorate degree.
I would give You that. I have been a witness  |
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Uche2nna (m)
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Anyway, good night.
I always believe there are no hard and fast rules to marriage. So your ideas might totally work for u. Good luck.
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acidrop (f)
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lol wendy what is your ideal marrigae? paint us a picture
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wendymanda
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It is your job as a woman to teach them there are two sides to a coin. If You are teaching them assertiveness, You should also let them know of humility. Assertiveness to the point of rudeness and with no regard to instituted authority would be counter-active. I bet as a mom, You would want your first issue to be in control of the other siblings if u are not in the house? The opposite of assertive is not humility. The opposite is submissive and the opposite of pride is humble. Being assertive does not equate rudeness except to the people that think it does. It is possible to be assertive and have manners. I respect my elders but will not be walked over because nobody wants an idiot. |
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wendymanda
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I would give You that. I have been a witness Thank you I guess? lol wendy what is your ideal marriage? paint us a picture
My ideal marriage is one where we are both equal and no one is above the other. He can have his say and I mine. We can make our own decisions but we discuss them together first. He is a clean slate I am. He is a virgin. . . Haha |
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acidrop (f)
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HAHAHAHAHAHAH c your mouth like virgin. u know we are saying the same thing here. that exactly my idea of marriage as well except for the virgin part, because that is so fucking impossible
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Uche2nna (m)
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Well ,most of your posts smacks of pride. It seems to You that if u submit You would lose your pride as a 21st century woman, You would lose your pride as a doctor or proffessor in your field of endeavor or as a boss in an enterprise. Thats why I used the word humility. Submissiveness would not make You lose all that. You can be submissive to your hubby and still retain all your diginity and relevance in the marriage , and then some.
Just like assertiveness does not necessarily equate to rudeness (your own words), submissiveness does not necessarily equate to slavery.
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wendymanda
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Well ,most of your posts smacks of pride. It seems to You that if u submit You would lose your pride as a 21st century woman, You would lose your pride as a doctor or proffessor in your field of endeavor or as a boss in an enterprise. Thats why I used the word humility. Submissiveness would not make You lose all that. You can be submissive to your hubby and still retain all your dignity and relevance in the marriage , and then some.
Just like assertiveness does not necessarily equate to rudeness (your own words), submissiveness does not necessarily equate to slavery.
I have pride but am not proud in the sense of being pompous. I won't submit not because I will lose anything pride in other endevours but because it is rather unfair to want me to submit to be less than human because am a woman. Like I will never submit to be less because am black or a foreigner I will never submit because am a woman. I don't mind cooking because I can throw down. I don't mind cleaning because filth disgusts me however the husband should also help equally as in cook when am not in the mood to. He can't just sit his butt down because he is MAN the gift to womanhood.HAHAHAHAHAHAH c your mouth like virgin. u know we are saying the same thing here. that exactly my idea of marriage as well except for the virgin part, because that is so fucking impossible
Believe me there are more virgin males than most people realize. You just have to seek them out. Not the ones who are virgins because they can't get non but because of choice. I am assertive so I know where and who to get honest information from. |
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wendymanda
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What age range because if it is above 25 then I guess if not. . . I know what am talking about. |
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Uche2nna (m)
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. I don't mind cooking because I can throw down. I don't mind cleaning because filth disgusts me however the husband should also help equally as in cook when am not in the mood to. He can't just sit his butt down because he is [b]MAN the gift to womanhood[/b].
Now You are confusing me. Who says being submissive to your man exempts him from doing any type of house chores ? |
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wendymanda
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Now You are confusing me. Who says being submissive to your man exempts him from doing any type of house chores ? I think if yuo read the earlier posts you'll understand. |
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4 Him (m)
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I think Wendy is confused.
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Uche2nna (m)
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Well, no matter what other posts says it does not make it true. If thats what You are afraid then thats not true. Being submissive to your man does not mean he is exempt from house chores. Matter of fact , part of being the head of the house is actually knowing when to step in and make his wife's life a little bit easier on the domestic front. I have said plenty times , being submissive does not make You a slave neither does it make him your boss. You should see him more of a leader than a ruler. Those two are really different in meaning , function and significance.
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4 Him (m)
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I have met submissive wives who put their feet up on the couch watching Tv while their husbands cook and do the laundry.
Being submissive is being misconstrued wrongly as being the househelp doing all the chores. That is so far from the truth, many men i know like to cook and enjoy being handy around the home . . . that they are now married does not take that desire from them.
A foolish man is one who thinks that being married entitles him to a lifetime of laziness and ordering his wife around. . . that is not submission, that is slavery.
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Uche2nna (m)
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A foolish man is one who thinks that being married entitles him to a lifetime of laziness and ordering his wife around. . . that is not submission, that is slavery.
I wonder when Wendy would understand that |
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wendymanda
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I think Wendy is confused.
Well it is your comments that confuse. You say one thing and then another. I still think you'll need to realize the difference of submission from an understanding. If there is an understanding if there is submission then forget it. I wonder when Wendy would understand that I'll understand your explanation of submissiveness only if the man is willing to submit the same. Which based on what you men are saying that is a nay ver going to happen in the macho Nigerian men mentality |
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Uche2nna (m)
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I'll understand your explanation of submissiveness only if the man is willing to submit the same. Which based on what you men are saying that is a nay ver going to happen in the macho Nigerian men mentality
I rest ma case  |
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wendymanda
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I rest ma case You should |
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Cadet (f)
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hehehhehehe! Go girl! |
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wendymanda
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hehehhehehe! Go girl! Thanks. |
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adconline (m)
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Sometimes, some naija women pick and choose what is convenient for them. their husbands pay for the wedding and everything then the wife thinks she should have absolute control over her finances. Also some Naija couples seem to complain very much about their finances. Most of our women who were brought up in a culture where its normal for a woman to always demand from a man might find it hard to fit in a culture where women earn higher than their husbands.
Please Madam poster how does this marriage work since you are not compatible with your partner, but are culturally entwined. Did your parents insist that you must marry a Nigerian?
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wendymanda
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Sometimes, some naija women pick and choose what is convenient for them. their husbands pay for the wedding and everything then the wife thinks she should have absolute control over her finances. Also some Naija couples seem to complain very much about their finances. Most of our women who were brought up in a culture where its normal for a woman to always demand from a man might find it hard to fit in a culture where women earn higher than their husbands.
I don't think many Nigerian women think they have absolute control it i actually the complete opposite of what they think. And I think the money problem is not specific to Nigeria if you look up the highest reason for divorces it's money. |
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acidrop (f)
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hehehhehehe! Go girl! which one u dey, u be cheerleader abi no be your mate dey talk sooo |
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ievbuomw (f)
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I never said I was not compatible with my fiancee- read the post carefully. I am a Nurse and he is a Pharmacist so by no means am I with him for money or vice versa. We are far more comfortable than ever. Of course my parents would want me to marry a Nigerian what Naija mom and dad would NOT want that for their daughter who is around Americans 24-7? That is parents fears for their Naija children being raised in the States if you know anything about that, but trust me if you knew me, You would know that I followed my heart to be with my fiancee not my parents  . I hope that clears up any problems!! I made this forum to see what people thought about it, not what is really happening!!! My relationship is GREAT!! There is nothing wrong with it so far ( I hope after 3 years)!!! |
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Cadet (f)
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which one u dey, u be cheerleader abi no be your mate dey talk sooo
Acidrop, wetin be yours? If I dey cheer nko? |
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sheniqua
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I never said I was not compatible with my fiancee- read the post carefully. I am a Nurse and he is a Pharmacist so by no means am I with him for money or vice versa. We are far more comfortable than ever. Of course my parents would want me to marry a Nigerian what Naija mom and dad would NOT want that for their daughter who is around Americans 24-7? That is parents fears for their Naija children being raised in the States if you know anything about that, but trust me if you knew me, You would know that I followed my heart to be with my fiancee not my parents . I hope that clears up any problems!! I made this forum to see what people thought about it, not what is really happening!!! My relationship is GREAT!! There is nothing wrong with it so far ( I hope after 3 years)!!! exactly what does she want to know when everything dey? |
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ievbuomw (f)
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This forum was started to help me with a project for an easy Culture class that I must finish this week. I worded it in a way to keep response open. I asked what was peoples opinion about it, because this is a forum, does every forum have to be negative and dramatic? I have been married since December, so i changed a few things to see how the discussion would pan, At least my forum didn't have to do with a 26 year old man pregnating a 13 year old  . Everyone had something to say about it. I opened up the forum to see where it would go, and it went places I was not expecting for sure . It was written for you to take anyway you want to. You all did just that. So after 6 pages worth of forum, its NOW you are asking me what the question is? So I apologize for any confusion.I appreciate the responses and you all be blessed. |
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Agbon21
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HAHAHAHA
Good forum, nicely put ievbuomw. It is nice to see a forum discussion that is not too negative;) It seems like everyone went off into their own interpretation of the discussion, very strategic. I never thought to use nairaland for a project. Good luck on your project too
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