Why Is It That When You Have A Child With A Man Or Woman In The Nigerian Communi

i don't think it's right (from the yoruba traditional background in Nigeria)

it's as good as running from home with a man
but this days we youths perform wonders,
it's wrong, except she doesn't have parents or guardian or whatever


it's wrong

@mamaput

if one will be sincere, it is very wrong.
if the guy drives u out of his house where do u go.u will hv to go home and nothing will happen .u can't hold him responsible because nobody is responsible for u marry him.
at least he should hv seen your parent for acceptance even if he can pay the dairy which is even free most time nowadays.
what l will advice u to do now is for the two of u to visit your parent and reconcile with them for your own interest, because l am sure they will never be happy with u and possible u might also be happy at the long run because the guy will never respect and your entire family so nobody will be able talk to him.
u might think l am too hard, but that is the truth

this is my point, l am not saying there must be a big partying./ceremony. what l meant is if your parent don't agree with the union it is wrong and if they are , no problem u are on the right track. my emphasis is on the conception of your parents, they must in agreement with the union.

Can we have a round of applause for this brilliant answer??! Well said, soundmind!!


I just can't believe you said that!! What makes it ok? The fact that they are far from home? Isn't there any form of transportation to get back to their homes? Or can't the families of the couple carry out the traditional wedding rites in their absence?

women should have more pride in their womanhood and not go around co-habiting and bearing babies for a man who doesn't want a proper commitment.
Marriage is a contract and there are certain things to be done to validate any contract.
If he refuses to sign on the dotted lines be it at the altar, Justice of the peace or asking for your hand in a traditional setting ,he is not yet serious.
I wish ladies would stop cheapening themselves this way.

@sale, what law is that? they will first send the man out of the house if she  call 911 for domestic violent. but if the man own the house even if you  have the same address , they will send woman out if the house is in the name of the man. one of my sister was married to a man here in chicago, the man baught the house before he  married the woman. the police came ans send the lady and her new baby out. they are both yoruba couple

here in america, they give the baby to the mother. the man cannot take the baby

Usually in a domestic call, the job of the police is to seperate the 2 parties concerned at that point in time.
They are not a law court and if there's any physical evidence for instance that the woman has been hurt,the man leaves the home at least for the night.
For the woman to leave the home with a small baby she must have been the aggressor.

I don't agree with Yinka that her cousin left because the house was the man's before the marriage.
As long as they are married, the house becomes joint property.
He no longer has any claim to the house more than she does.
That is the law in the USA.

shenique, i agree with you, this people are married for a while before they got married. there is no garantee in any marriage. sometimes this men want to do whatever they want while they are married but the woman cannot that is why we have aalot of divorcee here in american, nigerian perticularly. mostly yoruba men. you will see ibo man treating his wife like egg, holding her, treating her like a wife, respect her, cherish her. you cannot have your cake and eat it too. alot of them here in chicago will have a lovely wife with kids and also have another one outside the matrimony have her ring too having another family outside. i think most of our yoruba men here should change there attitude and there bad behavior too, expecially the one that live here in america.

i think it is very wrong.

A lady leaving with a man, and assuming she is a wife without proper marriage or at least introduction from both families accepting each other, its very wrong and at the lady risk.

if a woman has a child for a man without traditional or legal right performance, she is not a wife she is just a sleeping mate.

the man can anytime say he his tired and have rights to send the woman packing since her pride price was not paid.

My aunt fall victim of this, she was leaving with this man and has four kids, they live in Portharcourt, and no one knows the husband or the family, he only visited us in lagos once, now the man said he hs no longer interested in my aunt and send her packing, without the kids.
its an issue going on presently at hime, but my point i prove to my mum was , she is not married to this man, so the man can prove in court . though what the man did his very wrong and wicked, but the law will favour him because there was never any legal or traditionall union between them.

in conclusion it is very wrong, and i think women should be wise enough, getting pregnant for a man does not mean automatic wife if the man do not pay the pride price and come and prostrate to marry u.
that instinct some sense in men , not to misbehave.

the trend is common this days all over the world not only Nigeria, but it is very wrong and women often suffers it and the end.

First thing is that you need to get an English teacher now that you are in America.

Secondly, you can take your bitterness away. There are many women married happily to Nigeria men and they wont touch any other nationality for anything. You should addrsss your personal problems before pointing at other people as reasons for your failure to have a settled home.

@People

Be nice, afterall english is not our father's language we all learn it someway/somehow besides it doesn't depicts ultimate level of intelligence. As for the attitude thingie that sometimes comes with large vloume of monthly bills that roll in here in America so get used to it y'all, lol. God bless Naija.