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dakmanzero (m)
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The problem is that that question is too easy to answer.
Simple questions don't give birth to long arguments filled with the throngs of masses flaunting their ignorance, which is why we visit NL.com
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babyosisi (f)
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gimme a hi5, babyosisi. you don talk am finish.  thanks my dear for the kind words @babyosisi.
Women agree to become second wives.
No man would ever agree to be a second husband.
not all,some had no choice. A wife whose husband ran out and returned with a co wife has no choice,does she?,especially when she has no income,the reason I maintain that the word "housewife" ought to be dead and buried,every able bodied woman should find a paying job. |
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spoilt (f)
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@babyosisi
its about time we stopped attaching more importance and respect to paid labor. housewives don't get paid for all their toils.they hardly even get a thank you. but what they do is still a job. luckily there are some men who truly appreciate what their wives do.
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babyosisi (f)
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@babyosisi
its about time we stopped attaching more importance and respect to paid labor. housewives don't get paid for all their toils.they hardly even get a thank you. but what they do is still a job. luckily there are some men who truly appreciate what their wives do.
Honey,I have seen too many housewives kicked to the curb or suffer in abusive relationships because they feel trapped with no income. They do a great job but no woman should place herself at the mercy of her fellow human being. about 50% of marriages in America end in divorce,they all started as loving relationships,I'm just speaking from our todays world situation. |
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dakmanzero (m)
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babyosisi
I said women agree to become second wives
I didnt say women agree to become first wives.
The second wife always has a choice.
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babyosisi (f)
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dakmanzero,you know there's still child marriages going on in some areas of Nigeria.
These girls have no choice
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dakmanzero (m)
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exceptions to the rule.
We are talking about the widespread rampant practices, not traditional stuff that can't be helped.
We are discussing why everyday people go ahead to marry multiple wives, not why the obantalatapipipi of omorogunland has to take 200 ceremonial wives.
The second wife can always say no. Why doesn't she?
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nossycheek (f)
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The second wife can always say no. Why doesn't she?
Simple, there are many ladies out there looking for husband. An opportunity comes but once  |
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chumakk (m)
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men go for second wife because of greed and lack of self-contented
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laudate
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men go for second wife because of greed and lack of self-contented
Gba o! They also go for second wives, if the first one was infertile. Some of them also do it if the first wife gave birth to only girls, and they want a boy to carry on the family name. Still a pathetic excuse, if you ask me. |
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babyosisi (f)
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Gba o! They also go for second wives, if the first one was infertile.
Some of them also do it if the first wife gave birth to only girls, and they want a boy to carry on the family name. Still a pathetic excuse, if you ask me.
most men that marry second wives is not for any of those reasons. some do it just to have several women to sleep with,let's not beat around the bush here. |
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soulpatrol (f)
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yup. to sample as many "goodies" as possible by legalizing it all in the name of "marriage". rubbish!  |
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adesilver (m)
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From my experience, some ladies believe that married men are already made and more responsible than most single bobos  Another angle is an article i read sometimes ago, the ratio man to woman is about 1:7, so for every man that gets married, what happens to the rest of the women. i mean the remaing 6? |
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Seun (m)
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Another angle is an article i read sometimes ago, the ratio man to woman is about 1:7, This is just childish wishful thinking. According to the Nigerian census, there are more men than women in Nigeria. |
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dakmanzero (m)
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Seun is right. Ratio of men to women worldwide is very close to 50-50
However, men have a much smaller 'catchment period' when they are ready to get married, (or even desirable, since most women will not consider a man younger than them or the same age) and so for any given generation, the number of eligible men is smaller than the number of eligible women.
In short, women have to compete with their juniors while men do not.
So, a scenario where a man who is 'taken' already marries another wife, is simply a manipulation of statistics by a woman who has decided to even the odds, and have men compete with those OLDER than them, which normally wouldnt be the case if polygamy was not allowed.
Take a scan of Nairaland. You have women complaining about guys not being serious, using and dumping them, blah blah blah. You never see a guy complain about women not being serious or using them and dumping them.
When a man becomes 'eligible', he suddenly realises that he has a wide spectrum of choices from multiple generations.
Women on the other hand are faced with a rapidly shrinking pool as they get older and as the men older than them get married.
Polygamy isn't a one-way street. The second wife AGREED to be a second wife, and she courted the man while he was already married. I have never seen a happy polygamous home, but it is shortsighted to just assume that men who marry second wives are simply after more a$$. The issue is much deeper. If a guy wants a$$, there are mistresses, concubines and prostitutes out there- much less wahala than a second wife.
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minniepoe (f)
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i have always asked myself this question as well,
i watched a yoruba film titled iyawo by ronke oshodi oke and it thought me alot. you see the couple were so much into each other before they got married and after 5 years of marriage, the wife shifted all her attention to her 2 children thereby neglecting her husband. the man complained about this but the wife took it with a pinch of salt. the man sort solace outside with a woman who was ready to care and attend to him.
my point is that men love being cherished and once we stop showing them love and attention they seek for it else where. and you know, those mistresses outside would do anything to keep a man
there are some men that are just insatiable. they want to eat their cake and have it. they think with money, they can rule the world.
in conclusion, i would say some men are pushed into the act by their wives despicable behavior and some just because that are he goats.
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soulpatrol (f)
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anyone that has been married and has kids knows that at one point you tend to shift attention away from your spouse and focus on the kids. its not necesarily a bad thing because kids need so much attention and women are always putting all their attention into raising their kids very well. and besides, it shouldn't be just the woman's job. it should be both her and her husband. it can't be easy taking care of a husband and kids at the same time. men should cut their spouses some slack sometimes. by the time the woman is done runnning up and down chasing the kids, cooking, cleaning, getting the house in order, working, etc how she got get energy for play play with the husband? haba now! |
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soulpatrol (f)
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and the mistresses these men run to, i don't think they have any responsibilities on their shoulders e.g. kids etc so of course they will welcome any man now. rubbish! men should just grow up and learn to communicate with their wives. a simple conversation such as :honey, i know you're always too tired for romance, why don't i take care of the kids today for a change, prepare their meal, pay the bills etc, and you can just rest and take things easy. and then tell me if she wont be in a better mood at the end of the day. just your willingness to help and be understanding alone will do wonders. |
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dakmanzero (m)
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if you give people two options, most will usually choose the less stressful one, even if it is the wrong one.
A guy has 2 options
1) Help his wife cook, clean, bathe the kids and clean up their crap, then somehow still find the energy to satisfy her. (right choice. STRESSFUL CHOICE)
2) Go and bang one of the 1,000 younger, finer chicks flashing their booty at him on the outside. (less stress. WRONG CHOICE!)
When he chooses 2, and knocks her up, well, second wife ahoy.
Not rocket science.
Simple solution- hire a help.
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Godsgirl (f)
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Because of greed. Sorry but true. |
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nelyz (f)
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nagging! nagging!! nagging!!!
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olanajim (m)
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I strongly disagree with the notion that men marry 2nd wife because of their greeds and sexual drive. If this applied, then, what should we say of men that marry at old age even though their sexual drive might have gone. Nelson Mandella actually divorced his wife of many years and re-marry at an old age. He was certainy not greedy or lustful. He had been happily re-married since.
When we look at men who marries second wife, we would notice the second wife or third, whatsoever, is there to fill a vacuum that the old wlfe either created or could not fill. Another reason would be that, the man do it for humanitarian reasons(to help singles get a home). All these talks about lust is just being evasive of the reality. Most of the oppositions naturally come from women folk. Ironically, it was and is still the same womenfolk that made polygamy attractive. They gave it legitimacy!
Women make polygamy a reality by consciously entering into relationship with married men. It is not as if single men don't relate with married women. Men had conditioned themselves to reject polyandry. What stop women from doing same? Culture? Force? Women had been forced into marriages. In most cases, they consented to marry a married man.
I do not want my own opinion, which is that, I favours monogamy to becloud my judgement. The truth is that, polygamy, with all it negatives is beneficial to mankind.
Saying there is no peace in polygamy is inaccurate. Though, I am not polygamous, I actually came from a very peaceful polygamous home. I had never withnessed any scufle or open disagreement among the rivals. Yet ours is not a perfect one. I know a couple of peaceful polygamous families. Yet, I have lived in one of the most turbulent monogamous home I ever seen, Providence made me lived with them for 4 years. The home stabilized only after the man get a second wife!
We must realize that the whole things depends on the couple. Many women owe their happiness to polygamy.
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babyosisi (f)
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I strongly disagree with the notion that men marry 2nd wife because of their greeds and sexual drive. If this applied, then, what should we say of men that marry at old age even though their sexual drive might have gone. Nelson Mandella actually divorced his wife of many years and re-marry at an old age. He was certainy not greedy or lustful. He had been happily re-married since.
When we look at men who marries second wife, we would notice the second wife or third, whatsoever, is there to fill a vacuum that the old wlfe either created or could not fill. Another reason would be that, the man do it for humanitarian reasons(to help singles get a home). All these talks about lust is just being evasive of the reality. Most of the oppositions naturally come from women folk. Ironically, it was and is still the same womenfolk that made polygamy attractive. They gave it legitimacy!
Women make polygamy a reality by consciously entering into relationship with married men. It is not as if single men don't relate with married women. Men had conditioned themselves to reject polyandry. What stop women from doing same? Culture? Force? Women had been forced into marriages. In most cases, they consented to marry a married man.
I do not want my own opinion, which is that, I favours monogamy to becloud my judgement. The truth is that, polygamy, with all it negatives is beneficial to mankind.
Saying there is no peace in polygamy is inaccurate. Though, I am not polygamous, I actually came from a very peaceful polygamous home. I had never withnessed any scufle or open disagreement among the rivals. Yet ours is not a perfect one. I know a couple of peaceful polygamous families. Yet, I have lived in one of the most turbulent monogamous home I ever seen, Providence made me lived with them for 4 years. The home stabilized only after the man get a second wife!
We must realize that the whole things depends on the couple. Many women owe their happiness to polygamy. first off Mandela divorced wini before marrying another,that's not the subject matter here. Wonders shall never cease!! marry a second wife to stop your marital woes?  I thought I'D been shocked enough on nairaland This one beats them all. All the first and second wives need to have a "happy home" is let in another "wife" to share the man with?
at what point is it enough?
I mean ,at what wife does it become a marriage made in heaven?Or do we assume that since one can never have enough happiness,there is no limit since you'll be placing a tag on your joy level? una no go kill me for nairaland. God forbid ,ROFL number of wives is directly proportional to happiness whose happiness?  |
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omoge (f)
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The thing between his leg happiness.
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babyosisi (f)
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The thing between his leg happiness.
lol,the happiness of the dangling yekini  |
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omoge (f)
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It is true and they keep making excuses. We should be honest, Sex is the main (maybe only) reason men go for the second wife. They allow the thing between their leg (dangling yekini) control their head |
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babyosisi (f)
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Isn't it funny,it's only men that seem to tell us how good polygamy is?
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omoge (f)
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Yes!! strange as it may, many african women don't fight. they gladly/sadly remain in it. the oyinbo women won't take such nonsence. apart from financial wahala, the other woman is what send many oyinbo couples to court where they seek for divorce. the women here don't go away easy, they take the check book with them.
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dakmanzero (m)
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Its not funny, babyosisi. Its simple. Men benefit from polygamy. So they will tell you it is good. Women do not benefit. So they will tell you it is bad,
, unless they are second wives to rich men. THEN they will tell you it is good.
***
omoge
Oyibo women (and that includes akata/away-an black women) will not stand for it because they can comfortably imagine a life after divorce. African women live with it because divorce = death sentence. Rather live in misery than commit suicide by getting a divorce.
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babyosisi (f)
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dakmanzero,several men have told us the various "advantages" of polygamy.
They seem to have all the answers
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DMW (m)
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The wife at home does not have enough holes I guess.
If a man marries second wife, he's done a great job. He has taken one prostitute (silent professional/aspiring to be) out of the street. He is a man to respect. How many men could cater for a nation in a woman? Let's agree that a woman is a nation. For any man to take a second wife, then it is a good idea. I will take a second wife if there is any reason to do so.
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soulpatrol (f)
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good luck managing your harem. may they not plot to kill u before the age of 50!  |
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