Uncle Justin

A teacher gave her class of  children an assignment: To get their parent   
to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.                         
                                                                             
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their         
stories.                                                                   
                                                                             
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.   
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat   
of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got broken. 
                                                                             
                                                                             
"What's the moral of that story?" asked the teacher.                       
                                                                             
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher.     
                                                                             
Next, little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are Farmers too.   
But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs,     
but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this   
story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'."             
                                                                             
"That was a fine story Sarah." said the teacher. "Oliver, do you have a     
story to share?"                                                           
                                                                             
"Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Uncle Justin .  Uncle Justin     
was on a transport plane in the Gulf War and his plane got hit.             
                                                                             
He had to bail out over enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of     
whisky, a machine gun and a machete.  He drank the whisky on the way down   
so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy   
troops.  He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out   
of bullets. Then he killed twenty more with the machete until the blade     
broke. And then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."               
                                                                             
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your   
daddy tell you from that horrible story?"                                   
                                                                             
"Stay the Fcuk away from Uncle Justin when he's been drinking."

boring

I figure you were not that bored because you didn't even Yaaawn.  Anyway, I hope this one cheer you up

Two Parrots

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a
problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one
thing."What do they say?" the priest inquired.
 
They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment.
"You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. 
 
I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the
Bible. Bring your two lady parrots over to my house, and we'll put
them in the cage with Frank and Jacob. 
 
My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, 
and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."
 
Thank you," the woman responded, "This may very well be the
solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
 
As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside
their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked
over and placed her parrots in with them.
 
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi,
we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence.
 
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and
exclaimed, "Put the beads away Frank, Our prayers have been
answered."

  Oh yea, you better stay the hell away from Uncle Justin! About the parrots, I guess it proves that God answers prayers. Can never tell what a parrot's gat on it's mind, can you?