Can You Please Help?

I am aply to my job of security guard to you boss in you company of Shoprite.  I  complete to Grade 8 examination certificate in  1997.



      My school very good.



      I am 27 ears to be Born of age and no mallied and no

      childish.



      My father is dead long time ago and my mother mary

      in Zimbabwe country there 10 years now, no see she so

      nobody known to help me.



My certificate is just sitting home for itself, but passes in Mathematics, Geography, Science and all subjects but fail in English because of Zulu teacher, Mr Mahlangu, teaching me is jelos of myself. Me wear expenses cloth than Zulu teacher.



I here people you want security guards to you  company and I tell you I Am one of that job experience for 2 years. I shot thief dead. I want to Join the company of you and chase criminal out with me AK47.



Please consider my aplication careful and call me  any time because me Have celphone. I am red for interview with you. I am very hornest and can speak English  free.



      Please also greet your wife.



      And rememba that English is not our mother land!!





      Yours in faith







      Sandile Masalat Lancelord Ndebele Thwalamabho

Thanks Sir

lol

For ordinary security guard? Abeg, d guy don try, 

@ Spenchuks

What re u waiting 4? Is like u don't even hav d grade 8 certificate?

Barking
Your dog's barking at the back door. Your spouse's barking at the front. Who do you let in?

Well, it's your call, but the dog'll stop barking when you let him in.

Countering the Question
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"

The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

Cool

Roflmao. Mayb he shuld apply as english teacher in a sec school.

Comforting
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.

"What's the matter?" he was asked.

He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right."

"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"

"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor.

lol

i no wan old o

so make i grin well well
                                                                                                                       
                                                                                                                 
                                                                                                             

                                                                                                           

                                                                                                     
                                                                                           
                                                                                       
                                                                             
                                                                   
                                                                       

dry jokes 
loling loling and farting.
nice one anusman 

that na for sure

I no sey no shit, but your fart dey smell o kai, no be small  . Weting you chop this morning?