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bibs (f)
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thanks @all for loving my joke  i shall post more If i hear!!! , that u are impersonating, ehn, |
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ayusman16 (m)
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Clemcy, ar u tired of being androgynous?
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RSA (m)
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Thanks guys for liking my jokes,Here are some of the interview on national tv in south africa after local football games.You might not know this players but i am sure you'll catch the joke.
English is not our first language we shouldn't be ashamed.
1) Bashin Mahlangu
Interviewer: Bashin how do you feel about scoring such a beautiful goal?
Mahlangu: I feel immediately!!!
2) Lesley Manyathela.
This was an interview to get to know more about the player after an extended period of rich form:
Interviewer: So Lesley tell us about your family
Manyathela: I have one KIDS. I also have two brothers: There is
one in front of me and one behind me,
3) Bhele Nomvete:
This interview took place after a game that took place on Bhele's birthday.
Interviewer: Firstly, Bhele we would just like to wish you a happy birthday.
Nomvete: Thank you, thank you, same to you
4) Steve Lekeolea
(a whole book can be written using amusing quotes from this player alone)
Interviewer: Steve you seem to have hit such a rich vein of form you also seem a lot fitter. What is your secret?
Lekoelea: In the morning I get up and I run away.
5) Steve Lekeolea
Interviewer: Steve you have just played an amazing game to help Pirates win, where to from here.
Lekoelea: I am going home.
6) Jabu Pule
Interviewer: Jabu, who do you think will host the 2010 soccer bid?
Jabu: Marks Maponyane
7) Peter Ndlovu
Interviewer: Peter those were three beautiful babies you put away behind the net. How do you feel?
Peter: Aah I am so ashamed, I just don't like it when these woman tell the whole world.
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RSA (m)
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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know
About it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh, I was getting laid!
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get
a new attorney?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent
To your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
_________________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh, are you qualified to ask that question?
_________________________________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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clemcykul
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ohh lawdieee i love this good dude @anyusman u take style dey cal me hermaphrodite abi? yeye thing u don see who no go sukul, no worry i go barb those 44 hairs wey dey your bla bla bla |
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bibs (f)
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i hereby sentence you to 3600 seconds inactive in nairaland for 1. Impersonation 2. Incarnation |
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bibs (f)
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i choosed that punishment because you're always online
i'll report u to OSEWA o
E
You
N
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freezy (m)
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Nice bribe, but how d'u know what size you're going to buy?  |
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clemcykul
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i knoe its extra large heyy freezy howdiee? |
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bibs (f)
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na me be this!!
i don die!!
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princesa (f)
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@topic nice  but some are on vulgar things |
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ituen (m)
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Na wah oh
Who be BIBS wey dey threaten mama clemcy?
Freezy, where u dey since na
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clemcykul
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@bibs lol never die u hear, until u see the bra made of iron iteun freezy don retire from yaba as personnel manager of the retard wey that guy sef  |
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bibs (f)
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IRON BRA!! on my succulent breast!
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clemcykul
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why u dey na?
na the bra in vogue now
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olulu
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IRON BRA!! on my succulent breast!
hmmmmm, succulent? hmmm why u dey na?
na the bra in vogue now
hmmmm, na only u go know na. |
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jaymobb (m)
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u don hear breast and succulent u run come
na because of u all these girls dey wear iron bra wit 20 pins now
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ituen (m)
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. . .any attempt to hug them . . . . .
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jaymobb (m)
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i leave that to clemcy
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ituen (m)
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leave oh, clemcy breast na airbag. No need for iron bra
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clemcykul
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u don forget say na dere u dey hide when your landlord come for house rent?
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kpokpoti (m)
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:(one man die for lagos one time people come visit them aspa oldman die people come dey tell them make they "take heart" na so one man :(come make one kain statement say  "abeg make una take heart, he has gone to a better place" na so everybody look am dey frown later one man come meet am tell am say "you no know say the man wey die na lawyer" |
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mohawkchic (f)
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~Lovin the first post~
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ituen (m)
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Na why u dey frown? abi u be the old man? |
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izeek (m)
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lovely jokes, expecially the 1st and very last one, cool dude, keep it coming.
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