Baked Beans.grab A Tissue Before You Read This.

Baked Beans - This is hilarious! 

(This one is much too cute not to share.  Enjoy!  Be sure to grab atissue; I think you'll be laughing so hard you'll cry!)

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love.  When it became
apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave upbeans.  Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way homefrom work.  Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and
told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.  On my way, Ipassed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than Icould stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the
time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, Ihad consumed three large orders of baked beans.  All the way home, Imade sure that I released all the gas.  Upon my arrival, my husband
seemed excited to see me and exclaimeddelightedly: 'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'  He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. Itook a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the
telephone rang.  He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until hereturned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressurewas becoming most unbearabl
e, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity,shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizertruck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill .  I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the
air around me vigorously.   Then, shifting to the other cheek, I let off three more.  The smell wasworse than cooked cabbage.   Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the
conversation in the other room, Iwent on like this for another few minutes.  The pleasure was indescribable.  When eventually thetelephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom,  I quickly fanned the air a few more times with
my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleasedwith myself.  My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husbandreturned, apologizing for taking so
long.  He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assuredhim I had not.  At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seatedaround the table chorused: 'Happy Birthday!'
I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

 

There once was a scientist who studied frogs. One day, the scientist put the frog on the ground and told it to jump. The frog jumped four feet.
So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with four feet, jumps four feet."

So the scientist cut off one of one of the frogs legs. The scientist told the frog to jump. Frog jumped three feet. So the scientist wrote in his note book, "Frog with three feet, jumps three feet."

So the scientist cut of another leg. He told the frog to jump. The frog jumped two feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook "Frog with two feet, jumps two feet."

The scientist cut off one more leg. He told the frog to jump. Frog jumped one foot. So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with one foot, jumps one foot."

So the scientist cut off his last leg.

"He said, "Frog jump. Frog jump. FROG JUMP!"

So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with no feet, goes deaf."
   

   

roflmao


lol

Damn, this is more hilarious! (First post)

both posts are cracking

lmao