Commitment - A New Perspective

Hello Nairalanders,

Please I need to hear your opinions on this thing they call "Marriage"

For most people, it just comes naturally, I mean it's as easy as just meeting someone, falling in love, pushing everything aside and just get married and damn the consequences,

But for some(like yours truly), it's not that easy, never has been and I'm getting a little worried,  I get worried and apprehensive about the slightest thing I see in a potential partner ( I know i'm not even near perfect myself),

I mean, how can one be SO sure that you're getting together with the right person,  that's my biggest fear,

I mean all this courtship of a thing, it's not really 'real',  most of it is just pretence, the guy trying to appear as the best person possible and the same for the girl,  But once you start living together as a couple,  reality sets in,

I'm a graduate, 27, good looking(i'm not blowing my horn here), proudn nigerian from the north, with a decent enough job to get married but I'm scared, or what some would call "cold feet", i've ICY feet, if u ask me,

I'm still young I know, but I'm tired of all this club hopping, stay out late at night and waka about, I wan settle down abeg, I don tire jare,

As a result of my commitment-phobia, I've lost so many wonderful girls, most of whom want to get commitment, too soon into the courtship,

What do women want???I'm at a loss,

Please all the successfully married women out there, And the guys to can chip in, excluding the so called "players",

Help ur brother out,  Please,

don't listen to hannibal. it is okay that you are thinking about settling down. you know you are trying move past a life of being a bachelor. What women want is a hard question to answer. me, if I'm in a relationship it is mostly about trust and honesty. if i feel i can trust you with any thing with out being judge or you being disappointed then I'm good. but keep your head up, and don't worry because your rightful wife will come to you when God feels you are ready.

you should listen to what i say. your time will come. soon you will be taking your son to football games and romancing your wife with fine wine and dining.   so don't fret your soul mate is out there and when you find her, you will know she was the one who was put on this earth to be with you.

Senor, If u are tired of "clubbing" then i suggest you try other activities like swimming, skiing and climbing mountains.
Of course, one gets tired chasing women up n down the city but that ain't reason enough to get married just like that.
90% of the peops that rushed into marriage seperated after few years. . . . . .

Marriage ain't that easy. . . .The thunk of putting a woman in one's house for the rest of one's life is a huge task.
At 27, you should be thinking of stashing enough cheddarz in a Swiss account. . . . leave marriage o'utta the situation now.
Be patient and wait for the right time to marry. . . .

@Hannibal, of course I have hobbies, who doesn't. I'm an active basketball player, in fact that's what I do with most of my time. I simply love the game and I don't' even know what I'D do with out it. I watch the NBA alot and play all the the time.

about making money, I don't mean to blow my horn but I feel like at this point in my life, I've attained a reasonable level of success, I'm an engineer, been working with a multinatinational oil company for a couple of years now, lots of trips to europe , US during the holidays and I got lots of girls around(not sounding cocky again), I've a master's degree, always wanted to get a PhD, later in life, maybe I should start it now sef,

But at the end of the day, I still feel like there's something missing,

@LonelyPal, what taht kind of name, I prefer not to heed ur advice, not until u change that name to something more encouraging, lol,
Just playing wit u man, what u said is true,  But u should really change that name tho'

@Onyinye,  How cud u tell when u met ur own 'soulmate',  give me a hint, and please not cliches,

All i'm trying to say is that I want to have some more meaning in life, not just some trip abroad, or some lucrative pay check, 

Nuthing is missing.
Human beings are naturally insatiable so we always feel something is missing every single minute.
Granted, you are educated, successful with a lot of hobbies but is marriage the next step? At 27??
Slow ur roll, hombre.

U got a lot of gurls around? Get busy with em until you are fully matured to handle marriage.
Go for the kill when you are ready to marry. . . . .
These days, it's not something u plan 5 years in advance. . . .a lot of em sisters out there are phoney.

Is that how to tell one's flesh and bone??
What if i tell u i have met over a dozen chics that made me feel this way??

then i would say you have been listening to 2pac's "i get around" song way too much

@made.n.Nigeria

i truly feel that you should do some soul searching because I'm getting the sense that this is more than you just getting married. or settling down. and why do you only mess with lagos girls. not saying they are bad or anything but try something different. go to enugu state and see the women there.

Nah. . . . . . . . . .
I listen to 50's "get in my car" way too much.


Just kidding. . . . . .
All i was trying to say to Onyinye was. . . . Chics that makes one feel special is just a myth.
People say that on wedding days to massage the ego of their spouses . . . What can one possibly say on such day??

@Onyinye, I work in Lagos, and by 'Lagos girls' i mean the girls IN Lagos, not necessarily girls FROM Lagos,

Ah, why Enugu,  are u from thre,  i've never even been thre,  Don't mind Hannibal, brother, trust me, u'll soon lose the zeal for all that 'adventure'

@ Davidylan, true that, let them know,  because they all thnk otherwise,

@studentetc,  i'm not ur traditional player, i mean that's not the plan, but it just happens,  sometimes., it is what it is ma,  but i'm always honest with them, so i'm not a bad guy,

Puhleeeeaze, spare me!!!!

Every guy a gurl got involved with in a relationship made her feel "super special" . . . . Thatz the myth.
If a gurl had been with 6 men before her marriage, any of those 6 guys could have been named flesh of ma flesh, blood of ma blood. .
Geddit??

too many romance books - there is no such 'special feeling' it is a myth and nothing more - ask people who are married.

You COMMIT, not because of a 'special feeling' but because of a RATIONAL DECISION.

One more thing though, if you have not personally felt it, why should we take your word for it?

@Onyinye,

don't know about enugu gals but i do know about PH girls, i've seen so many lovely gals down there,  i swear, 
but most of the ones i saw just wanted to have fun,  nothing else,

@Hannibal,  I am laughing so hard at what u said,
but come on man,  at least if someone has been with several people, thre must've been that one person that stood out,
even u, i'm sure u've taht 'one person' that u liked the most, out of all of the rest,  be honest,

@made.n.Nigeria

hannibal has no emotions when it comes to relationships so don't bother asking.
also go to enugu state for vacation one week. i bet you will find one girl who is fit to your liking.

@hannibal

oka i never felt tipsy with anyone so yeah.

excellent point debosky,

I think i feel more comfortable wit what u said,
it's more of a rational decision and not a non existing or at best ephermeral 'special feeling',