You Know You Have Arrived In Lagos When :

You know you have arrived in Lagos when :

1. the traffic policeman is carrying a baseball bat.
2 and in VI  a madman and a cripple are directing traffic while the traffic police watch without interest


How you know say you done arrive naija ?

when I drive along the highways and see people emptying their bowels (and i mean emptying! Yuk!) along the sides of the highway eg around  ijora.

you know you v arrived when i see these boys in the hold up chanting gala yes,gala yes bros buy your gala,
when u get rolex,carter e.t.c in the case n the hold up all for less than 1,000 naira lol

You know yes this is lagos when the heat at arrivals hits you like a bat out of hell, getting yu all heated up.
Or yu ar somwhere, suddenly power is restored and there's a resounding  UP NEPAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! and yu nod yur head like agama, saying to yurself, this is lagos

when the long queue of traffic during those rush hours periods jolt u back to reality,u'D realize that oh yes!,vis is Lagos indeed

You know you have arrived in Lagos when:

-Before your plane even lands, you've already experienced death by heat 

-Upon arriving at the airport, you're in the line to go past immigration and a group of people behind you just start saying "Awon oloshi", "Oloriburuku ni awon people yi now!" Bi won she ma gba owo ni o wa lokan won, oshe oju wonko wonko *hiss* , just straight cursing out the airport staff lol 

- When you finally get to "baggage claim naija style", you get in shine your eye mode real quick to make sure your bag has not been nicely taken. Scratch that, you better be in shine your eye mode as soon as your feet touch the ground.

-So you finally get through immigration, baggage claim, you're minding your business walking out of the airport, and some random dude walks up to you asking you to show some jagbajantis documents. 

-You walk out of the airport and there are no less than 300 people standing outside the airport at 7:30pm at night just waiting, and waiting, and waiting, 

-Your phone goes dead (in my case) and you're looking for a phone to use; about 6 different guys come up to you instantly (they must have smelled a money making opportunity  ) to ask you if your phone is dead and you can use theirs, for a fee. 

-Your ride is an hour and a half late to pick you up because of "go-slow" lol

 

shut up

ugly woman dey talk!

-When your plane lands at night, you only see lights in V.I.
-The heat instantly intimidates you when you arrive
-If you have on anything that resembles a rapper, people will try and sell you their tape
-You can't see the original layer of road
-When you notice the air to rapidly decrease in quality

only a few, add more later

   

When your guys see you and do not say Hi, Hello with restrained, hushed voices in low tones with false smiles observing the dictates of decorum and supposed civil society.

BUT!!!  jump out vocal chords  screaming,  Hail your name, bear hugs, hand slapping, then you take off, literally in the car horn blaring, in fact everybody’s horn is blaring , Welcome! Welcome!! Welcome!!!  And you want to say slow down, watch out for the speed cameras and then you realise you are Home again what a relief, thank God I'm back and glad to be back. 

When you ^mistakenly stop at the traffic lights, and people start blaring their horns at you and raining curses on your forefathers and call you JJC.

When commercial buses rudely barge into your space whilst driving and insult you and call you names and taunt you for being slow, then mistakenly collide with your car, and then start prostrating and begging you to please forgive them, ^{madam 'D' madam nothing spoil}