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getahead
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My boyfriend and I have been living together for two and a half years. at first things were rosy but now,
First he says he wont consider marriage unless he is sure i can get pregnant?!!! Is this normal?
Secondly I found out he has been romancing another woman back in naija-I am not nigerian- he is. I He denies there is anything happening between him and the other woman-as far as he is concerned we have a relationship as long as we are living together. I'm not stupid and i've seen the text messages they exchange. Am I wasting my time? He has met my family and has indicated he will come for formal introductions etc, I am not convinced, help
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ima1 (f)
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yeah you are, come on hun living with a guy for 2+ years without no commitment, think about it (thought in this day n age women would be smarter), n he says he will only marry you if you can get pregnant, im sorry but you are rolling with a loser who is using you n prolly has a nigerian wife somewhere or is cheating on you.
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sherron (f)
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Sister, sister, sister,
in plain English- move on. This is a serious loser and you can do much better. Why settle for left over bacon. Go shopping and get some real meat. lol
Good luck love. You'll need it if you stay with this guy. Don't get used. It's not worth it.
Peace and have a good day.
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ibkaye
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leave that guy, pronto, infact, as you read this post start leaving right now
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Belface
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He loves you girl but he is hiding something. Nigerian men are always stereotype about pregnancy. What proves that he will commit himself once you get pregnant. Have a dialogue with him girl and if he is not convincing enough, let go of him, don't waste your time.   . |
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stephanay (f)
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@ topic
yes im afraid u are
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getahead
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Thanks for the pearls of wisdom, somewhere along the line I lost myself and my life became about pleasing him. He's been married and divorced has a child. he's been talking about us going to Nigeria to meet his family, I've spoken to most of his family members (I know they are his family not just some randoms) and his Uncle who has been to visit (I know its his uncle, not a random) to whom I was introduced as the wife. Even his closest friends don't understand his dillydallying, the lights are coming on now!!
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tkb417 (m)
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@ibkaye
just like that?
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francessby (f)
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They feels that you will not conceive because you might have wasted a lot of babies by doing D & C now see the result, and let me tell you is he's not going to marry you since he opened this his dirty mouth and said you must conceive first. Maybe that your doctor told him that you cannot conceive now you see your life,  |
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getahead
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never been pregnant nor had a d and c! but i think me getting pregnant is just an excuse, no guarantees he wont politely ask me to go my way once i am pregnant- not finding excuses but i think after his 1st marriage broke down (very badly) he is scared, or I am being naive
As for the lights- no not "just like that". One looks at all the angles- tunnel vision is a problem. it sometimes helps to get an outsiders view. I like to consult my guy pals to get a male perspective. He would freak if he knew I was taking "our issue" outside of the home! but like i say getting alternative oppinions helps
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ibkaye
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@ibkaye
just like that?
yes, just like that |
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francessby (f)
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You lived with someone that have not paid anything on your head for 2+years, anyway you said earlier that you are not a nigerian though we did not ask you, maybe in your country guys doesn't pay bride price, anyway stay cool
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getahead
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no we don't do the bride price thing-its not our way. You cannot put a price on a good womans but thats a discussion for another day. as far as i understand not all groups in naija use the bride price system? I stand to be corrected
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nana (f)
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They feels that you will not conceive because you might have wasted a lot of babies by doing D & C now see the result, and let me tell you is he's not going to marry you since he opened this his dirty mouth and said you must conceive first. Maybe that your doctor told him that you cannot conceive now you see your life, Where in her story did she point out that she's been pregnant or done d & c before? Abi,where did she mention her doc's? Nah wa for some african's mentality sha. My boyfriend and I have been living together for two and a half years. at first things were rosy but now,
First he says he wont consider marriage unless he is sure i can get pregnant?!!! Is this normal?
Secondly I found out he has been romancing another woman back in naija-I am not nigerian- he is. I He denies there is anything happening between him and the other woman-as far as he is concerned we have a relationship as long as we are living together. I'm not stupid and i've seen the text messages they exchange. Am I wasting my time? He has met my family and has indicated he will come for formal introductions etc, I am not convinced, help
1: You've done a mistake of living with a man for 2yrs without any commitment 2: Sorry to ask but how old are u? 3: Do u work or u depend on him for funds et al 4: Sit him down and talk to him in a peaceful manner. Ask him what he really wants from u. If the answers u get arent what u want, Babe! There are many fishes in the ocean o |
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Hgorila
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personally i don't blive in premarried couples but anyway u guys av leaved 2gether for two years now as couples . my opinion is that any man who insists on his lover getting pregnant b4 marriage is not serious at all, cos fine, kids are the best thing that can come in a marriage but even if they don't come it doesn't mean the ned of the world.
so pls take yr time and don't marry a devil.
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jek_kad
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My boyfriend and I have been living together for two and a half years. at first things were rosy but now,
First he says he wont consider marriage unless he is sure i can get pregnant?!!! Is this normal?
Secondly I found out he has been romancing another woman back in naija-I am not nigerian- he is. I He denies there is anything happening between him and the other woman-as far as he is concerned we have a relationship as long as we are living together. I'm not stupid and i've seen the text messages they exchange. Am I wasting my time? He has met my family and has indicated he will come for formal introductions etc, I am not convinced, help
y will u live wt a man for 2 years when he has not even married u,or showed himself to your parents fully for introductions?when will u girls grow up and make men beg u for your attention and not u begging them ?when will u girls make men know that they r not doing u a favour by dating u? i am not against a girl dating a guy for 2 years,but im against the girl going to live in his house as if he has married her,y will u even pack your luggages and bags to go live wt a man that has not shown a good sign of marriage? so many men propose to women on daily basis but its not a gurantee that they will marry u,and it does not mean u have to be dumb by going to live wt him my dear d guy is no longer interested in u,he has seen a fresh material and you're now an oldbie,im very sure d girl is romancing now was not to loose to him,for christsake no man wants a loose woman ,they all want women that have got self discipline no matter how much you're inlove wt them sorry if im rude,but im telling u d truth,d truth is bitter though but it must be told get ready because d guy is going to throw u out of his house soon |
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jek_kad
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Where in her story did she point out that she's been pregnant or done d & c before? Abi,where did she mention her doc's?
Nah wa for some african's mentality sha.
1: You've done a mistake of living with a man for 2yrs without any commitment
2: Sorry to ask but how old are u?
3: Do u work or u depend on him for funds et al
4: Sit him down and talk to him in a peaceful manner. Ask him what he really wants from u. If the answers u get arent what u want, Babe! There are many fishes in the ocean o
abi ooo , d girl has not even said she's been pregnant once not to talk of D AND C |
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funkybaby (f)
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Your both have been staying together for two and a half years.
He gave you 'terms and conditions' for marriage which in your own words 'until he is sure you can get pregnant for him'.
Could it be that both of you have been having unprotected sex for over two years and you are yet to tell him ' honey, i have missed my period'?
I am not a big fan of 'live-in-lover' arrangement but since you agreed to move in with him, you should just as well accept his terms.
After living in the same house with a man for over two years, no wedding, nothing- so what is 'not normal' if he asks you to get pregnant for him?? So it is the 'habitating' together that is 'normal', right? Often times, we ladies just put ourselves into difficult situations with our own hands and then later we turn around to start screaming 'help'.
He might not tell you the real reason for seeing another lady. He might just be worried on why you have not 'taken in' for him yet after two years.
Am only trying to see things from the guy's point of view oh.
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nana (f)
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y will u live wt a man for 2 years when he has not even married u,or showed himself to your parents fully for introductions?when will u girls grow up and make men beg u for your attention and not u begging them ?when will u girls make men know that they r not doing u a favour by dating u?
i am not against a girl dating a guy for 2 years,but im against the girl going to live in his house as if he has married her,y will u even pack your luggages and bags to go live wt a man that has not shown a good sign of marriage?
so many men propose to women on daily basis but its not a gurantee that they will marry u,and it does not mean u have to be dumb by going to live wt him
my dear d girl is no longer interested in u,he has seen a fresh material and you're now an oldbie,im very sure d girl is romancing now was not to loose to him,for christsake no man wants a loose woman ,they all want women that have got self discipline no matter how much you're inlove wt them
sorry if im rude,but im telling u d truth,d truth is bitter though but it must be told
get ready because d guy is going to throw u out of his house soon
I agree wiv e'ry thing u just typed. how are u? |
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jek_kad
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I agree with e'ry thing u just typed. how are u?
my dear im fine jare,seun ban me naaaa But all i said is true naw, . . . . . . how can a girl live wt a man for 2 years wen shes not married to him,haba "will u marry me " is not enough,if marriages can break then wat is a mere relationship |
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whitelexi (m)
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If your story is true, then even u should be able to answer the question. The odds are against u, and if he's an ibo man - especially from Anambra. . . Save your remaining life - start running!  |
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princess k
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sweetheart,there is absoluteltly no doubt you are trully not a nigerian, no nigerian girl will live with a man for 2+ years without him making a serious commitment, talking to his uncle or sister does not guarantee anything, another girl may also be talking to the uncles.we naija girls know our men we dont give them all until we are sure of their commitments.getting pregnant? girl get ready to be a single parent. no guarantees.
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brine baba (m)
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Confront him
ask him if he wants 2 wed u.
& give him 1 wk 2 decide,1month 2 wed.
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tope2000 (f)
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4 2 n half yrs and no commitments. my dear run a mile, plenty more fish in the sea jo  |
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yemivictor (m)
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Your both have been staying together for two and a half years.
He gave you 'terms and conditions' for marriage which in your own words 'until he is sure you can get pregnant for him'.
Could it be that both of you have been having unprotected sex for over two years and you are yet to tell him ' honey, i have missed my period'?
I am not a big fan of 'live-in-lover' arrangement but since you agreed to move in with him, you should just as well accept his terms.
After living in the same house with a man for over two years, no wedding, nothing- so what is 'not normal' if he asks you to get pregnant for him?? So it is the 'habitating' together that is 'normal', right? Often times, we ladies just put ourselves into difficult situations with our own hands and then later we turn around to start screaming 'help'.
He might not tell you the real reason for seeing another lady. He might just be worried on why you have not 'taken in' for him yet after two years.
Am only trying to see things from the guy's point of view oh.
Most sensible post by far!  |
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yemivictor (m)
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sweetheart,there is absoluteltly no doubt you are trully not a nigerian, no nigerian girl will live with a man for 2+ years without him making a serious commitment, talking to his uncle or sister does not guarantee anything, another girl may also be talking to the uncles.we naija girls know our men we don't give them all until we are sure of their commitments.getting pregnant? girl get ready to be a single parent. no guarantees.
That's BS . . . better come & see!  |
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TOH (f)
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Funkuy I see what you are saying but is it really out of the ordinary to see someone have sex for years and not get pregnant? I'd like to think people are aware of the PILL/oral contraceptives by now.
People that dont INTEND on getting pregnant do what they can so it wont happen so for people to be "surprised" that a person hasnt been pregnant despite having sex for some time now baffles me.
I personally think he's using the pregnancy thing as an excuse. She should just leave and stop putting herself in such a pitiful situation
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spikedcylinder
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This is only one side of the story which in my opinion might be the musings of an insecure woman. We are always quick to judge men and cry foul when they have actually done nothing wrong.
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TOH (f)
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yemi, dont start with me cos I always end up proving you wrong
You are the one that is blind obviously. Did you read what she said? Where did she say she wanted to get pregnant? she even said she doesnt trust his offer cos who knows if he'll end up leaving her if she ends up getting pregnant. Btw my comment was general towards the thought that anyone would be "confused" by someone not being pregnant after being with someone for 2 years.
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davidylan (m)
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why buy a cow when the milk is free? Thanks for the free gift to the guy, i suppose he feels its time to marry a proper woman and dispense with you. You people no dey hear word. |
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