Verne Troyer Aka Mini Me Releases A Sex Tape

http://www.hecklerspray.com/mini-me-, php#more-14953

June 26th, 2008 at 18:00 by Stuart Heritage

[Verne Troyer Sex Tape Mini-Me] Sometimes we wish we were female, just so we could see what it'D be like to have Mini-Me Verne Troyer crawling over our naked bodies like some sort of tiny erotic cockroach.

Sadly, despite what you may have heard, we're still shamefully male - but the next best thing might just be at hand. Apparently there's a Mini-Me sex tape, featuring Verne Troyer and his former live-in girlfriend going at it like a weeny hammer and some normal-sized tongs, on the market.

The Mini-Me sex tape's expected to fetch anything up to a million dollars in a distribution deal, bringing a huge profit to those behind it. Which proves conclusively that even creepy footage of a man who physically resembles a human baby repeatedly pushing his erect privates into an adult woman makes better business sense than The Love Guru.

Remember when sex tapes used to be fun? Remember when they used to exist as something other than a way to push nauseated teenagers into a lifetime of petrified celibacy? You know, the Paris Hilton sex tape, the Pamela Anderson sex tape, even the sex tape starring the 2006 Croatian Eurovision entry - all sex tapes that excited people, instead of making them run wildly into the street with blood gushing out of their eyes.

These days it's a different story. How many people want to see Fred Durst having sex? That's right, none. Gene Simmons? None. Screech from Saved By The Bell? Less than none. Verne Troyer, the actor who plays Mini-Me in the Austin Powers movies? What? You do want to see the Verne Troyer sex tape? Oh, you perverts.

Or should we say you lucky perverts - because a Verne Troyer sex tape is exactly what's come onto the market, if reports are to be believed.

According to reports, the Mini-Me sex tape was stolen from Verne Troyer's home, where it was presumably kept hidden away in a box labelled 'Things That Only Verne Troyer Finds Even Mildly Arousing Despite The Queasy Feeling In His Gut'.

Apparently Kevin Blatt, who brokered the Paris Hilton sex tape, is toying with a $100K offer to distribute the sex tape. That means that there must be a market of people who want to see Verne Troyer's underdeveloped little buttocks pumping up and down on top of a woman three times the size of him. People are weird.

There's a clip of the Mini-Me sex tape on TMZ at the moment. While it's not exactly graphic - you don't get to see it going in, mercifully - you do get to see what sort of kisser Verne Troyer is. The answer, if you don't want to watch it because you're scared of spending the rest of your life with vomit seeping permanently from your eye sockets, is 'naked' and 'alarmingly tonguey'.

Of course, there's always a chance that the sex tape is a big fake, and that instead of Verne Troyer having it off with his girlfriend it's actually a video of a shaved infant being forced to perform precocious sexual acts on its mother. Let's hope so, because - really - a Verne Troyer sex tape? Yeesh.

short "teaser" clip on tmz: http://www.tmz.com/2008/06/25/mini-me-sex-tape-avert-your-eyes/