Disorder In The Court

Disorder in the Court

These are from a book called Disorder in the American
Courts, and are things people actually said in court,
word for word, taken down and now published by court
reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the
impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with
you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said
to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the
next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how
old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh, 
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your
attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead
people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the
body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why
I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________

And the best for last

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was
alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
alive and practicing law.

Thanx ituen i will try to be more creative

@kaaz

I like ur spirit. I'm me anytime u need help. would support u in anyway (not financially)
 

@Jeovy
There are 2 sides to a book

Ituen,

No there are three sides  see your life

~Still as hilarious as the first time i read it!!

There he goes again.