My Book Of Rants!

i agree with some of the things u said

yeah some,
some dont apply to this lady

hi y'all - blaze, blu, V, Tg, Toyo, epi.

I'm back; what did i miss?

iice, nice seeing yo post.

The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his
hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could
dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he
would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate
the bullet hole he would even tell them what caliber the bullet was
that killed the animal. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it
if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on.

They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin.

After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "Springbok." Then he
felt the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 rifle." He was
right. They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their
car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said,

"Kalahari Lion Shot with a .416 rifle.
He was right again.
Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time
against a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, drunk out of
his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the
mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. So he said to his wife, I
know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and
not remember it. Where did I get this black eye?
His wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into bed and
put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly
announced, "Skunk, killed with an axe."

@MojiEsther

thanks. . . . . would have loved to say it all comes from me

but then that would be a lie, too arrogant to like the blazeman

the jokes were culled and re-doctored by myself

all rants are written by alter ego ariblaze



@sisi


they should get me a woman???

well me likey

one who would shag me from dusk till dawn

wear a silky tank top with nipples jaunting

pouty lips and sensual  skin

enviable boobs

a hole in the roof then the bed we would burn

my whole house has to rank of sweat n sex

you all know how sex smells huh?

with the musky smell of cigarette

wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

a perfect holiday that would be

so sisikill which woman are you people sending forth?



btw. that rant is acceptable

rose?

wetin i wan take am do?

only one kind of prick is allowed

and it isnt that one attached to roses

nah. . . . . .

brandy though, a lil brandy or vodka on her skin

to get it a tingling,mop it up with very wet red tongue

hands painting imaginary pictures across her waist line

pole coming erect with every deliberate movement

wanting to get into the action that would come to it at the end of the day

nah no roses, windows left open, lets give the ever prying neighbour an eye full

seen crank2? this lovely wheel barrow movement that looks nice and probably works nice

would be attempted. . . . the only roses to be seen would be that in her mind

but stars, loads and loads of exploding stars

the shooting stars,

the crawling stars

the dancing stars

the fighting stars

the fiery stars

all this stars she shall see,


who wants roses when you can have stars

Hi Blaze, V, Sisi, Tg, Blue,MoJi, everybody else.

i know i'm gonna be getting the regular cold shoulder for the long absence. its ok, i dont mind. i'm too angry to care anyway.

Finished the graduate training programme last week - fraught with unscheduled powerpoint presentations to management; long periods in the sun slinging drillpipes; unbelievable mountains of tool files to sort through, update, and create comprehensive databases of each. And after all that -all that painful hell,  this is what they finally give me: Operations Officer. . .   in the fcking warehouse!! What happened to Downhole Fishing Engineer, or Geologist/Geophysicist, or worse goes to worst, Sales Engineer, huh?? I mean, what was the need for all those grueling presentation preparations if i was gonna be given a position in Warehouse Operations - me, a fcking Operations Officer?? Isn't that just a nice way of calling someone a yard hand??

I didn't do bad in the programme, matter of fact, i was GOOD! And the Hydrosurvey unit was ready to accept me, so why this?

It just aint right. Its too unfair, too too unfair.

I'm very, very sad.

What do i do?

Seriously, Balze, u got a gun? I don't have one. Can you come to PH? I need those assholes wasted; you can be my side-kick.

Take yo pick:

Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence but,

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates Parts of Asia

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe.

Has anyone else noticed this?

It gets worse,  .

next year,

2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong

What the. . . ??!!

How did our thread go from PG 13 to. . . to. . . X Rated??!!!

Gah!!! What is it with men. . . guys. . . boys?!!

Why is it always always about sex with you?

If you aren't gunning, you are cocking and if you aren't cocking, you are pole-ing?!!!

Something needs to be done about this. . . ASAP!!!!!!!

Tee hee. . . wishful thinking on the heighest level

Someone clicked on the wrong link

@oriyomi1


i will not spare you

you come into my thread

to make an ass of yourself, its because of airheads like you

i left and dont frequent sections like romance ,sexuality etc

and you deem it fit to bring me into disrespect by coming here

even the fact being your second post wont spare you

abeg where you come from sef?

you certainty dont have a head, oriyomi ko eseyomi ni

yep them folks knew that head of yours malfunctions thus the name

i assume thats your name right?

i advice you to try and go upgrade to orimipe cos this oriyomi thingy  aint doing you good

btw: your email address sucks
cant you come up with something a lil more original?

FEMALE PRECOITIAL AGREEMENT:

I, the undersigned, agree that:

1. In the highly unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after
you've drunkenly rolled on top of me, as is entirely normal and in
accordance with the natural order of things, and pumped away for two minutes, I
shall politely fake one. It'll be a really good act too, with me
saying stuff like "Oh, you're so good, you're the best" and howling like a
cat that's being repeatedly jabbed with a compass.

2. Should your mother show me any photos of you as a child, like
those ones taken at your auntie's wedding where you've got a velvet bow
tie and a pudding-bowl haircut, I shall make no comment. Ever. Or even
look at you in a way that suggests they are all "funny".

3. I fully understand that a woman's main role in any relationship
is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your
football team loses, I agree that - by some complex scientific
equation incomprehensible to woman - it will be my fault. Even if I wasn't there.
To demonstrate my understanding of this principle, I will prepare your
favourite meal or, in the event of not being able to cook, take you
out for a few pints at my cost.

4. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I will
tell them that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak and
that have discovered, contrary to popular belief, that size does matter.

5. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.

6. After sex (which I will NEVER refer to as "making love"), I will
not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor will
I let my hair annoyingly get in your face. Under no circumstances will
I attempt to start a conversation as you are dropping off to sleep.

7. I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname. Any
references to this hallowed appendage will be prefaced with words such as
"mighty", "huge" or "the thunderstick".

8. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you fancy.

Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.

9. I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive female friends and
inform you if any of them have the slightest bisexual tendencies.
Then I'll invite them around for dinner. And hide their car keys so they
have to stay. I understand that video footage of such incidents is an
indispensable part of the experience and in the event that you do
not already possess one, I will acquire a video camera for you at the
earliest opportunity.

10. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends
or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet.
And if men attempt to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that you
have "ruined me for other men".

11. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games,
barbecues and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of
women. I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate
them, so you're in charge of the lot. Except for the iron, the Hoover and
the washing machine, of course.

Signed ____________ _________ _________ ______

Date ____________ ________

I think blu and epi should come and sign this. Tg is exempted shaa - she was created with maternal instincts; i believe she agrees absolutely with everything that honorable document propounds. Sincerely speaking.