My Book Of Rants!

blue. . . . .

i dont know what is happening

but it seems to me that you

are going through 'the kill em' phase

hmm,that was me 12years ago

which brings me to the existence of this thread

yeah i kill them, yeah i pull them hairs out of its root

yeah i cut them open and dice them like minced meat

yeah i perforate them porously

but i do it on paper(ok thats a lie)

i do it on paper 90% of the time(another lie)

i do it on paper about half them time

the remaining half is spent wrestling with actually doing it

or what tha hell' i unleash

the trip is this weigh your options

for as kay said

the stupid things we do live with us for life





you know i always got ya back

Hi. (Pssch)

I'm on this job, which i have to talk to people i dont know -on the phone- from 8am to 5pm. Argh,
Telephone survey/ customer service they call it, watever
And i have this very annoying, no initiative, lacking leadership skills supervisor, she can be so annoying,
At five, my mouth's aching, i'm stammering and i'm so fagged out, (Thats what i'm being paid for)
On my way home, i keep saying this should be the last one, I must resurrect  me biz outfit.
Sighs,

So, because I don't post as often as I used to gives y'all the license to go on holidays, eh? We'll see about that.

Where you dey go when we catch you? No be bank? Abeg use your ATM. Well they let me go,shit! I no even they use blings,what were they thinking?Explained myself i did tirelessly,even recited the 20 essential amino acids with their classifications.Still i had to part with some cash in me wallet.My hard earned money.God go catch them,since they've got the guns, i can only curse 'em.The thing pain me no be small. 

Driving in LAS GIDIS

1. When in doubt, accelerate!

2. Be prepared to ram anything stoping you wearing uniform in Lagos (police, traffic warden,FRSC, Kai brigade, fire brigade, VIO, lastma, lamata, laswa, even lawma sef)

3. If you get caught by any chance, DO NOT allow them to enter your car, if they happen to get in DO NOT drive from that spot (vere off traffic & settle 5hun), and if they don’t agree, form calling your uncle who is in the army (believe me it always works), never follow them to ANY sort of office except you wanna pay X10

4. Never give police or VIO your original particulars (whether expired or up to date)

5. Danfo drivers believe they are immortal. NEVER yield to the temptation to teach them otherwise.

6. Okada riders have a pact with suicide, avoid them like a plaque

7. Avoid BRT buses in all ramifications, they have NO brakes

8. Taxi cabs (oko asewo) should always have the right of way, all of them have been driving in Lagos for 25yrs.

9. Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.

10. The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it. Survival of the fittest you may say!

11. Learn to swerve abruptly. In Lagos , potholes (and sometimes car-holes) are put in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and shock absorbers,( I saw one man fishing in one of the potholes last week).

13. Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork, except you want to spend your whole saturday @ the panel beater’s place.

14. Morning rush-hours are equivalent to Lagos grand prix (who gets to the junction first)

15. There is no such thing as a short-cut during rush-hour traffic in Lagos . Everybody might be inclined to take that ’short-cut’.

16. When asking for directions, always ask at least 3 people. Lagosians ALWAYS claim to know every inch of the city – even areas they’ve never been to.

17. Use extreme caution when pulling into service lanes. Service lanes are not for breaking down the traffic, but for speeding, especially during rush hour.

18. Never use directional signals, since they only confound and distract other Lagos drivers, who are not used to them.

19. Similarly, never attempt to give hand signals. Lagos drivers, unused to such courtesies, will think you are making obscene gestures to them. This could be very bad for you in Lagos .

20. Hazard lights (popularly called “double pointer”) is not, (as commonly supposed) used to indicate a hazard. It is a warning to you that he is a bonafide Lagos driver, he’s headed ’straight’ and as such, will not stop under any circumstance. Take him extremely seriously especially if he backs it up with a continuous blast from his “horn”.

21. At any given time, do not stand on the zebra crossing expecting traffic to yield to you, or else you will have to explain to the on coming traffic whether you look like a zebra.

22. Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only to make you feel guilty.

23. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there first by whatever means necessary.

24. In Las Gidi every spot is a potential bus stop. FRSC and LASTMA know that too. It is in their constitution.

25. Above all, keep moving. Even with a flat tire!!!

HORNING IN LAGOS
- ‘Horn’ when someone executes a dangerous manoeuvre.
- ‘Horn’ when you’re about to move off.
- ‘Horn’ when you’re about to overtake.
- ‘Horn’ when someone is about to overtake you.
- ‘Horn’ when turning into a road.
- ‘Horn’ when emerging from a road.
- ‘Horn’ back when someone horns at you. It’s considered good etiquette.
- ‘Horn’ when you hear a chorus of horns. Don’t worry if you don’t know what all the ‘horning’ is about.
- ‘Horn’ when you’re happy.
- ‘Horn’ to the beat when you’re playing music in your car.
Good luck, as you expeditiously navigate through Lagos and hustle and bustle!

  I got yo back, friend.



  Hail, Sir Rantalot!! Pray tell, where you dey get yo skillz from??

Sup 2 evry'un,noticed dis thread n liked d concept;a place wher s'mun could let off steam whenever he felt lyk.(un)fortunately I'm not angry @ d moment so I can't even think up an angry thought,but I'm about 2 paste sumn I wrote d last tym i felt depressed, dunno if it's a rant however:


I Freestyle lyk a swimmer,
Swim in d ocean of d world,tryin nt 2 b consumd by bigger game lyk a lil fish,
Fish around 4 answers 2 d questions which plague me bt cme up fruitless lyk an unbaited hook,
Hooked lyk an addict 2 d cool,realize it's my opium but keep on loving it's chains,
Chained by d limitations I n society place on myself,try 2 brk free bt cn't cos 2 public opinion I'm a slave,
Slave away at my life,plodding along d path I'v taken in my pursuit of 'The Dream',
Dream of things possible,heights achievable,all dependent on my choice of actions,
Act on my choices,sumtyms puzzled by their consequences,d results causin me 2 wonder,
Wonder if I'm a pawn in d hands of sum invisible Chessmaster,or Master of my fate,
Fate beckons on me,tellin me I'm destind 4 gr8ness ,knw wher I'm goin,only problem's hw 2 gt dere,
Dere sims 2 b no direction in my movement,bt immobility's impossible cos on d road of life one never stands still,
Still waters in my soul run deep,submerging my thoughts,hiding d pain I feel,
Feelings supressed 4 so long find deir way 2 d surface,outta control,crying for expression,
Expressions seek 4 a language in which 2 b expressd,find deir outlet in rap,
Rap evolves in2 floetry,verse so divinely inspired it's creation is spontaneous,
Spontaneity of rhyme mkes unnecessary d need 4 rehearsal,bringing 2 being an ability 2 freestyle,
I Freestyle like a swimmer.



@ Bluespice: I see U,longest tym.

@ravenzord

welcome

i had a hard time reading your write

can you please modify it next time

       Merlin nd the dragon.
One day a boy need merlin traveled frm his own village to the kingdom of camolot,where magic has no value,and where those that pratice it get chopped of their heads wit axe.this decree was made by king ulther,a man that knows nottin but hatred and dislike for magic and those who pratices it,because he claims that magic claimed the life of his beloved wife,when he was given birth to the crown prince,aurther,now,merlin was more than a socerer,but a young warlock who bear's the fate of an entire kindgom on his shoulder.to be continued,   

Despite that I have been seen to be married to my wife for about ten years, the best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!"

The audience was in silence and shock.  The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause. A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to
crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink.
He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman
who was not my wife!"  The wife went; "ah!" with shock and rage.

Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out,", and I can't remember who she was!" By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water. Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste!

ravenzord u claim to know me
where from pray tell

blaze u gats issues homs i tells ya
hi kay,
hi tgirl
hi sino
hie house

*** reading btw the lines. . .
yeah. . . we missed u too.

epi

ok everyone seems to have deserted

i am just there,devoid of any form of emotion

i am too spent to be angry

even if i wanted to,it ain't just my life involved

i want to be selfish yet in my heart i know i cant.


**********



grandma's burial is on the 31st

some friends are coming into the country for this

looking forward to the drive to ilorin

is it funny that i find it easier to ride to ilorin than drive there?

the rent and them busibodi folks would just throw a fit

if i show up with the horse and leathers . . .

in asmuch as i cant be bothered i feel the late one deserves more than that from me



where is everyone?

i feel really and truly alone

MEN, BLUE, YOUR JAZZ STRONG O. I DON'T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENS THAT ONCE I'M SLEEPING AND NEXT THING I'M ANSWERING AN URGENT HAIL FROM BLUE. IN CAPITAL LETTERS TOO. I RARELY GET ONLINE NOWADAYS. MAIL ME HERE walexiy2k2@yahoo.com WHILE OFFER LASTS, LOL. YOU BETTER HAVE A PLAN TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD OR A MAP TO THAT ELIXIR OF IMMORTALITY I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR.

As for the rest of the house, keep up the bufoonery.

Ok have had enough of this bullshite! Nothing seems to work in dis entity called an independent nation.Im pissd at all em leaders,had high hopes in dis administratn,i was even an advocate "vision 202020".I only sooth my vexation with mr fash,i see him as an icon of hope.His really tryn his best.After a long queue @ d filln statn 4 an hr to get 4ltrs wch will last me 6hrs with my  i beta pass me neighbor,i realizd dis sys has faild we need a change.Hve decided to start a revolutn and recruit members.We shall be knwn as The Ultimate Libratn Force(TULF).Our mission is eliminate all leaders that have faild dis nation.We shall take all necessary measures,topmost is suicide bombing,road side bombs,juju bombs etc.If you want your name in d book of history as a man out of patriotism gave his life for this nation,a man who wants to change the situatn not just by mere utterance but actions,a man who wants a better tomorrow 4 d unborn generation,then its up to you to join me and lets fight dis common enemy. . .