Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs

It is a fact universally acknowledged that politicians, not entrepreneurs, are responsible for the creation of jobs.  If you vote for me as the next president of Nigeria, I promise to create jobs in my capacity as the commander in chief of the armed forces.  I will use my sophisticated weapons to create millions of automatic jobs for Nigerians.

For example, I'm going to plant troops along the expressways linking the northern part of Nigeria to the south.  When those troops spot lorries moving large quantities of agricultural produce to the south, they'll shoot the tyres so the lorries will lose control and veer into the bush.  Many jobs will be created in the agricultural sector, because farmers in the north will have to employ more hands to replace the destroyed vegetables and fruits.

You may have witnessed customs officials destroying foodstuffs, medicines, clothes, and other items imported into the country illegally. This creates jobs in local industries and deprives those greedy importers of their illegal profits.  The problem is that they don't go far enough - they allow some products to get into the country, destroying local jobs in the process. As the commander in chief, I will create millions of local jobs by making importation illegal.

Also, I'm going to purchase long range stealth bombers to sink some of the ships heading out of Nigeria.  This will create more jobs in the maritime sector as shipping companies struggle to replace lost crew members.   It will also create jobs in all exporting industries - oil, agriculture, and mining -  because more goods will have to be exported to replace the ones destroyed.  Imagine that: a single policy that creates jobs in two ways at once!

To create more jobs in the construction industry, I will employ demolition squads from the army to use grenades, dynamites, and bombs to completely destroy large office complexes all over the country.  Don't worry - this will only take place on weekends and public holidays - so the only workers who might lose their lives are those who work hard when they are supposed to be relaxing at home.  That is a risk that I am willing to take to create jobs.

But that's not all.  I will influence the senate to create laws against deviants (atheists and homosexuals, geniuses and idiots) and moral offences like (adultery and fornication, envy and greed).  All laws will come with long prison sentences starting from ten years and above.  With millions of Nigerians in prison, there will be enough jobs for those who are lucky enough not to be convicted of any laws.  There'll be more than enough jobs to go around!

Finally I will make it mandatory for any registered business to re-staff.  I'll make it an offence for any company in Nigeria to operate without employing 250 Nigerians in each branch office.  Registered businesses will have it easy - only 100 employees per branch and 2 branches minimum. Any manager who doesn't comply will be thrown in prison, making his job available to someone else! This is the secret of communism's success - job creation by fiat!

Some of my critics have suggested that with so many jobs created, paying the employees will become a problem.  Isn't this ridiculous when, as the president of Nigeria I can just order the CBN to print more money?  So please vote for me in the 2007 presidential elections, and I promise you that unemployment will become a thing of the past.  I promise to make Nigeria the Zimbabwe of West Africa; in fact Nigeria will be much more gigantic giant.

His Excellency, The Most High Chief And Professor S Osewa (JSCE, SSCE, NFA)

<ironically> I will vote for you </ironically>

unhuuuuuuuuu

Seun hope this is another JOKE

Spot on !! Spot on!!

Seun, I want to be your Vice President. I am a sucker for demolition and creation of more jobs.

Are you standing as independent Candidate or on which party platform are you running?

I prose to include resource control in your agenda. Let the South South keep their oil wealth, The North their income from Groundnuts and colanuts, and the west their, hmmm, what? and the east, what?

Lmao! we need somtin different from the current regime!!

i don't know this looks a tad dodgy  what are the percentages of you actually carrying out all your proposals. Seun. 

Vote for me and I'll kill you all.

Peace.

LMAO!!   

It's another broken attempt at satire.   

i don't vote, i win

sure banker, NL voting system is fanimorous and interesting with a forum to support it, so no campaign. Electronic Voting is da bomb, we won't waste your time and resources in printing papers and ballot boxes and compiling bla bla bla OMG! we are in the 21st century, we don't even need to click, one might as well write a code to generate VOTES, i tell you its much better than rigging, it's DUPLIcAting!

Selection, that's it, yes, OBj was selected in 99 and 2003 so we keep selecting, okay.

wow finally a Nigerian with novel ideas and an idea to take care of unemployment and our large population in one swoop.you have my vote. 

Efani: you know this is a joke, right?