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luvchild (f)
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Hi, members I have a question, I am 37yrs old, no children and lonely. I don't go out to clubs or hang out, in fact I like being at home just not alone. I was married ten years but husband walked out. So for past two years I have been on my own. This feeling of loneliness, seems to be spreading like a disease. I throw myself into work but still when I come home I find the house to be like a tomb, it is quiet and not alive. The walls seem so sad I even look at my pet dog and he looks at me as though he feels sorry for me. LOL. I try to read and I pray but still being in the house is a constant reminder that I have no one to share my life with. So my question is what do you do when loneliness seems to be getting the best of you?   |
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edygirl (f)
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Well you've got your answer, be on Nland and you won't feel lonely again
Girl you will be alright. Just stay here and have fun
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ikamefa (f)
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u did not mention if u had kids, or close friends or relatives i would suggest u go do things u enjoys for instance baking, watching movies, going to the movies or go join a club( a grp of of people who do things u enjoy i mean like a social club) e.g a book club, baking club whatever, start making friends u can hang out with, call on when this lonely feelings descends ,u could even start a club ( of a grp of people who share the same interests as u) all am saying is get out there, be seen, be heard who knows your next husband maybe out there just waiting for u (if u a are still interested in getting hitched) thats ma 2 cents  |
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L.O.V.E (f)
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luvchild,when it seems i'm lonely,the things that works the best for me is hanging out with some special friends,talking to family and writing poems about what i'm experiencing at that moment and why let loneliness get the best of us?life ain't over yet until we say so,staying in the house will only make you think the more about things you are not supposed to think about,so i will tell you, go out have some fun and it does not necessarily mean going to the club,go out with that special friend of yours to a restaurant,a spa,something but pls,quit staying behind those doors and go explore the world around you, it's exicting and crazy,you know the saying"all work and no play, "and you might just be suprised at what you'll discover/find out there  |
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ToyM28 (f)
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Luvchild, soz feel your pain.
I gues d only way to deal with loneliness, is 2 tackle it head fast. Dont think about it, have fun, achieve your goal, make people envious. And when d right time comes, beleieve me, somebody (hopefully a dude), will come out and admire your achievements and your personality
Adn b4 u know, u realise u no longer lonely.
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Seun (m)
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When I feel lonely, I buy myself ice cream and I savor it. Or I get a cheque that i'm yet to cash and I stare at it, trying to calculate how many litres of ice-cream I could buy with the money, how many pieces of fish i can buy, how many books I can buy, etc. Or I log on to the Internet to enjoy Nairaland, or chat with my intellectual male friends. (In the old days, I used to call friends on my phone but these days I rely on my Yahoo messenger friends).
As a 37 year old lady, you are culturally configured to want to be in a relationship, so you can cook for your husband, have kids, care for them, etc. You need to find a new purpose for your life that's as rich as engaging as the traditional one of raising a family. You need to manufacture happiness and fulfilness for yourself. I'm doing just that.
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Shagari2 (m)
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I feel for you luvchIld.
I deel with it by 1st knowing me and loving me, yep its all about me me me! enjoy your own company!
Then I make friends, cos in life you reap what you sow, you sow friendship you reap friendship
Knowing my God helps, having a one on one with my creator helps a lot
The worlds been around for a millions of yrs and pobably gonna be for more billions if we dnt blow it up or we happen to miss a few asteroids heading our way, but of all those millions of yrs you've got what 100yrs tops the latter part of which you won't even know your own name, so, I get out there and PARTEEEEEE!
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praetor (f)
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masturbation? typical. I'm in a similar position myself, stay indoors a lot and spend too much time on the internet(how i came across this site in the first place which was a good thing because it made me laugh quite a bit). I'm a bit of a quiet one as well so not the type to go out partying 24/7  Find a hobby, join a forum(which you've done), start a blog (get friends from all over the world), talk to your next door neighbour, go for a long walk with your dog (maybe he'll stop looking at you with such a sad expression you might meet a nice guy that way as well, join a gym. Live life and enjoy it ( she says with a wry grin on her face) This advice applies to me as well.  |
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zebudaya (m)
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I'm still young so i go out to clubs and bars ( with friends) or go to the movies (alone) when i 'm lonely. It gets kind of depressing sometimes so i always have wine in my fridge so i drink it and it sends me to sleep.
If you are very lonely join blockbusteronline.com and netflix they would send you movies for 20 bucks a month, when you get tired of that you may have to volunteer your time feeding the homeless, teaching kids how to read or helping them with math. Just something fufilling that gives you a sense of purpose. While you are volunteering you may meet some other do-gooders especially men! and anything can happen from there,
Of course you want a man to fill that void in your life, but you don't need a man to do it
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wande (m)
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luvchild, loneliness is a thing of the mind, it child of envy, jealousy and above all fear of being rejected. What are the things you love doing most ? do what you like doing and accept people the the way they are, dont ever feel you are lonely.
Engage your mind by reading magazines and story books, even visiting niraland is another antidote to loneliness and talk to God about it.
God bless you
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Kadeejah (f)
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eat chocolate, sulk fer a bit, more chocolate nd den werk ya magic  u'll find someone eventually *when da time cums u'll find da rite one* in da mean time eat chocolate itz good . . .buh diz cud werk  |
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ToyM28 (f)
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lol. lol. Kad. nice one
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Rhodalyn (f)
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 juSt eNgAgE yaSeLf In ThE sTuFFs thaT MaKEs U feel GOoD BoUt YAsELF! Stuffs U like to do
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shawna (f)
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read a nice romance novel, do some serious house cleaning, surf the net and eat a huge bowl ice cream LOL |
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mimi4real (f)
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I really feel for you.
I was once a victim of loneliness, I love staying indoors untill I was introduced to internet by a firend, since then I bet you I have alot of friends who called and say hi, sometimes they invite me for a walk. Luvchild you are in the right place and once small engage yourself in reading of good asipirational book.
Good Luck
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otokx (m)
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you could learn a musical instrument preferably the keyboard, you could also engage yourself in the world of video games - playstation or nintendo or you could conduct several studies on human behaviour in your area. If you are a christian, engaging in church activities could help.
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symple
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Go out and have some fun.Neva mind wut ppl say.
Just stop been alone. There are so many ppl all over the place.
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sweetnini (f)
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go out and enjoy life
that way u'll not be lonely
and for God's sake get urself a man
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prinsuvz (m)
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Put your attention on God
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noshaking (f)
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You have to make yourself happy to fight with loneliness, unless you are happy within yourself nobody can make you happy. Try and mix with people - your families, go out more or do some of the things that make ladies happy e.g. shopping, going to the salon to make yourself beautiful, surf the internet . You can even engage yourself in some church activities e.g. visisting motherless babies home, prison etc. You can even go out with other guys if you know your marriage has totally ended.
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diyobdw (f)
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I suggest you go back to like the first ten year of you life and think about those things that made you happy then look aorund you in the right direction. Detach all that would make you sober and become a new person, Read book and subscribe to inspirational newsletter like mine http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-10101.0. join my forums on your intrest(not losers or the unfortunate nag forum ) living one like NL. Most especially be determined to be happy and go for it at all cost |
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sherri (f)
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are u abroad?
if you are in naija, u shud reach out to your friends and family. if are abroad volunteer at your church, join a singles group if your church doesn't have one speak to your church leaders about starting one. treat urself to relaxing beauty day. (u can do all of these in naija too) i dare say u're still mourning the loss of your
ex ? if u agree, let the healing begin girl!
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K2
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@LuvChild. I'll suggest you reach out and increase your circle of friends. Find folks that you share common interest with may be music, movie, volunteer work or anything and get involved for a start. Unlike what some folks have said, humans are meant to be relational. We all yearn to love and to be loved by someone. You'll need to break out of your comfort zone of just staying at home all the time. Be open to new ideas and new things. Go to salsa class, attend book reading sessions or check your local newspaper or online listings for activities. You'll be surprised at how many folks share your interests. Change doesn't have to be drastic or strange, it can be a good thing. I wish you the best. Please keep us posted. Wishing you God's blessings. |
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chinani (f)
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@ LuvchildI read. I was a very lonely child so I just read & read & read. When you find authors & books you like, it'll feel like you're coming into - with invitation of course - their world. This is terribly nerdy but it worked for me. Still does. You could also start volunteering. If you pick something you like you'll be involved & the feeling of being needed wil be wonderful. Best wishes! |
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chinani (f)
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But now that I think of it, 37 is not old. Not anymore, ask OPRAH! So why don't you meet new ppl & date? I guess you can ask some of your current friends about their organizations (bowling league or whatever) then t/o them meet new ppl & date. I think dating's fun. JMO. Oh, you can try online sites too. Just my humble, corny ideas. Peace. |
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Seun (m)
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Good suggestions, everyone. I'm so proud of you. |
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saintchux (m)
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Loneliness for me is a thing of the mind. You are lonely as much as you want to be. There is a lot of things you can do, if you think you are lonely.
Keep yourself busy all day long . Going to club is good, but why not try to go and learn something. May be go for a computer trainng is you have not gone for one. Go and learn how to make cake, so that you can be making wedding cake and going for wedding function. learn how to braid. Don't leave any minute of your time idle. Look for something to learn. Let not your education or your class enter your head.
Buy a computer if you don't have one, buy computer games. play games when you are tired of reading. Buy motivational Cds and cassette. Listen to it before you sleep or early in the morning.
If you want to make friend, do not go to people that will pity you. Let whoever is going to be your friend take you as you are and not a lonely lady that needs a help. You need a friend to talk with.
Remember as a man thinketh so he is. If you think you are lonely, then you are. I can give you more help if you want.
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ThoniaSlim (f)
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NO AM NEVER LONLEY CAUSE I LOVE READING NOVELS AND LISTENING TO MUSIC .
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oluchikeh (f)
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hey dear, we are humans but we have a spirit and that is d most important part of our existence. to feel lonely is a characteristic of d human nature bc u are born to relate but i think u made a mistake i had also made which is building your entire life around your man so dat as soon as he left u had no one else But its not too late to correct it i think that u should go out some more, make friends of both sexes and create a world of your own where u can relax and enjoy But above all i think u need to commit urself entirely to God and he'll give u d peace of mind which u need to handle this phase of life bc i think its just a phase |
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zebudaya (m)
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When you are alone what's the difference between being bored and being lonely?
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bluehorizo (m)
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Nairaland |
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