Things We've Learnt From Nollywood

Sorry its long, but i think its what we know, ,.well what i know

1. Every problem you have is spiritual.

2. In every romance movie, someone must die.

3. It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them!

4. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately.

5. Poisoned food tastes better,

6. The best way to make money is by visiting a 'Babalawo'.

7. At least one of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil.

8. There is never an end to your suffering, except death!

9. With a pastor, all things are possible

10. A movie can be titled anything, such as - the boy is mine, Two rats, Spanner, Calculator,

11. A movie has not been made if at least one actor/actress has not- 'shelled', twisted his/her lips to speak wrong phonetics',

12. You are in love, you want to take your girl out, the best place you take her to is, Mr. Biggs, Tantalizers, the beach or the best- take her to buy some new ugly clothes.

13. An Igbo movie has been made if,
* You visit a 'Babalawo'
* A fleet of cars is shown off
* Kanayo 'O' Kanayo is in the movie, Pete Udochie is also there too!
* To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult

14. Gun shots and Knock-out sound the same!

15. Most times the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie.

16. A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following cast actresses-
* Stella Damascus
* Stephanie Okere

17. The police are extremely 'efficient' unlike their counterparts in real life,

18. An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year,

19. It is permissible to wear very dark shades in the night!

20. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn't matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for you legs!

21. When advertising a movie, you really should shout because, people are deaf?

22. When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford- very good furniture, T.V., but you won't be able to send your kids to school.

23. An actor can wear the same dress in four different non related movies.

24. All ghosts and spirits wear the same white robe with gloves and a face covered with calamine lotion.

25. All movies are sold at the same places. 51/52 Iweka road onitsha, 11 ebinpeju lane, idumota, lagos, 1/2 pound road Aba.

26. All movies must end with any of these phrases; To God be the Glory, In God we trust, or You'll reap what you sow.

27. The title of the movie must be mentioned at one point during the movie.
Example
Movie title; The boy is mine.
Scene; Stephanie Okereke arguing with Genevieve on the phone;
STEPHANIE; You had better stay away from my boyfriend. this is the last time I'm going to warn you. The Boy is mine, do you hear me. I said the Boy is mine.

28. All Scenes showing off a celebration of any kind containing alot of food and drinks be it a club, birthday party, traditional and white wedding or burial, must last for atleast 10 to 15minutes.

29. When a man is about to throw his wife out of the house, her bags are always already packed and ready to go.

30. All movies must have a minimum of two parts and a maximum of (no limit)

31. And weneva whoeva returns from the US, they wear a dress with either the american flag on it, I love NY, or some hip-hop git up and then they start speaking this outrageous phonetics.

32. The most unnecessary scenes are shown in slow motion. e.g like ramsey noah slapping his driver.

33. Everytime a deity is about to strike a victim, the same effect are used with the cameras shaking unnecessarily.

34. The blood looks like ribenna or Zobo.

35. A son and his father look the same age. e.g. Nkem Owoh (son), Sam Loco (father).

Please tell me your own view.