My Mother, My Wife: Who Comes First?

No, but i have enough knowledge to know these things.

my mother

lol

There's absolutely no conflict of interest between the roles that these two people play in our lives. Hence I see no reason whatsoever to compare them. Their role in the lives of men should be complementary and never conflicting. Failure to realise this usually stirs up problems that plague some families today.

Why share the love you have for both 50-50or 60-40 or in whatever ridiculous ratio when you can give them both 100% each.

Most men who fall out with their mothers end up doing the same with their wives. If I have co-existed blissfully with my mother for twenty-something years, why does that have to change when I get married?

Why does any of them have to come first if both can come together?

most preferably my wife, but sometimes it may depend on what the situation is at hand

WHat was this personal experience? After you get married, I think it should be your wife. It is one of those things that really depends on the situation. I think whoever is being reasonable in that situation should be placed first. So if your mother is being obnoxious or unreasonable, you shouldn't put her first just because she is your mother.

Mothers are the best creatures ever. If I were married, I would want my husband to love his mother but I come first, for definite!!!

This thread is kind of old but I think we can answer this question by using the wisdom of Dr.phil.

"There can be no divided loyalties. When you get married and start your own family, that's where your primary loyalty needs to be."
http://drphil.com/articles/article/28/

So there you have it folks. Your wife comes first. You married her and she deserves your love, respect, and loyalty. BUT there is a catch.

"Are you investing more than you can afford to lose?
Look at the cost of your relationship. If you have to give up your friends, career, or family, for example, the cost is too high. If it all falls apart, are you going to be emotionally bankrupt? It is better to be healthy alone, than sick with someone else."
http://drphil.com/articles/article/58/

Heres the thing people, we all have huge emotional investments in our family, our parents,siblings, and other relatives. That bond isn't easy to just throw away, even when you're married and have a family of your own. You can put your wife first all you want, but the fact is any woman who tries to come between you and  the people you grew up with, especially your mother, just simply isn't worth it. Every couple needs and wants their families love and support. What kind of family doesn't want or wish it had grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc, ?

Marriage is about merging two lives together. That includes your spouses friends and family. Sorry guys but thats just how it is. It may sound real romantic to get married and dump everyone else, but it isn't reality. Becoming estranged from family is probably one of the worst things that can happen to a person.

Has anyone ever heard that by disrespecting your spouses parents, your disrespecting your spouse? Its a good theory to remember when in-law conflicts happen.

So there it is guys. Put your wife first, but don't forget your mother and other family members, because they'll be your family for life.

MY MUM OF COURSE
You CAN GET ANOTHER WIFE WHEN SHE IS NOT THERE BUT You NEVER GET ANOTHER MUM ANYWHERE WHEN SHE ISNT THERE.
YOUR MUM WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR MUM.

If the responses to this thread are anything to go by, then one can easily conclude that there are way too many 'mama's boys' on here And it also indicates that mothers get way too much credit for raising their kids [at the expense of fathers?], or perhaps it's a reflection of the scourge and prevalence of single parenthood and broken-homes/upside-down families, else I see no reason why any balanced individual would want to choose his/her parent over their spouse. I think that any child that's raised in a stable home wherein the mother and father  play their roles accordinginly, relative to each other and their children, should readily get the cue from such a marriage that the spouse comes first.

His love should go to (My mother inlaw) thats his mother first
and is natural infact l cannt deny my husband that priviledge.

No problem about that.

From the post here, I see most will take their mother above their spouse, see it this way,

Let the husband put their mother first above their wife
Let the wife put their father first above their husband.


A good one here.

"Mothers are more faithful than wives.
Wives sell to the highest bidders.
Infact, if you did not pay for her, you would not have married her.
Because, every wife has a price." - Orikinla

How very profound! am I wrong to assume that being a wife is usually the first step to becoming a Mum in most decent societies. A lot of Mums are wives as well so can we then deduce from your comment that mothers are guilty too of being unfaithful, and selling to the highest bidder? In getting emotional about ones Mum never forget she was some man's wife first

I am a wife and a Mum and this question should not arise the roles are different and unique and should be enriching to the man who has both its not a competition between either . They are both vital at different stages of your life one in the early stages and the other in the later stages.

to the poster i think it depends what role your mother played in your life. mothers are different don't make it general.

But for me,

No one like her i meant my MUM ,  am not married tho but don't think marriage would change my love for her {MUM}.she is my friend, my inspirations both physically and spiritually, love you always sweet mother of Africa.

If you are Single - Mother first
if you are Married- Wife or Husband first.
As in both of them are very important in their own way.what your mother can do for you your wife may not be able to do it and vice versa.

I made a terrible mistake of having children with a "mummy's boy".  He has always put his mother first before myself.  His parents were divorced when he was 12 years old and his mother never re-married.  He has been like a husband to his mother and still is at the age of 40.  His mother gives him everything - they run a business together, have the same bank account - and it was myself that told him he could not live with his mother forever.  His mother bought him a house and told me I would never go there because she owned half of it.  She has never wanted to see much of her grandchildren either.  I thought I could change this mummy's boy - but he will always put his mother first - and his mother has done everything in her power to keep me out of his life.  Written below is a comment I received on another site regarding my situation.

Children who are deprived of proper attention , emotional support , real care that costs , by either parent has injured the relationship, and placed the dollar and a lifestyle so far removed from relationships, that I see it all too often , they end their latter years with no feelings, and /or no valued true family.

In fact they are not attached to, nor living in the real world. For arrogance and lack of real meaning in life is their end reward. And when Mummy passes on, ???
Where is the 'son'. His wealth attached to a lie , will be a certainty " Beware your sin's will find you out." A very powerful statement, and a truism.