A Tale Of A Married Man - Diary of My Experiences

Let me start my diary with women in my life. Let me start off from the beginning. In my school days, when I was in secondary school, I was suffering from inferiority complex, so I hardly mingle with ladies. As far back as I can remember, I started chatting with ladies when I was in Class four, a year to my final stay in the school. I still remember vividly my first toasting of a woman. It wasnt palatable as I can remember the rate at which my heart beat was beating fast and how much i perspired.
The first woman in my life is Samurai, she,  like myself was a novice in the man to woman interactions. Much as we would have loved to update our inexperiences, my sojourn for greener pastures led me out of our town. So we miss contact. All in all, we still have some sizeable and memorable fondling and caressing. I don't even know her whereabout nowadays. But she hold the record of being the first woman I ever had course to know in my mind that she means something to me.

My wife - She is God sent. I met her when I thot all hope have been lost in getting a good woman. You see, from experiences, one should never give up hope when searching for a life partner. Another thing is you are tempted to see so much more of your type once you met someone, that is a danger and a signal of temptations. Ignore it and stick to your partner like a glue. I had gone through all this before I met my present wife. She is my friend, my lover and above all a soul mate. I am her dreamnt husband and this she knews very well. Hear her - "My hubby is an ideal husband any woman can pray for, he hardly take a decisions in all things without consulting me, he doesnt keep late even from office, he hardly go out and when he did, we go out together, he epitomises a complete man because he never shirk in his responsibilities as a responsible man, what else do I need" That is my wife for you, she is everything to me too.
Readers might be wondering that since I have a perfect wife, there should never be women in my life again, you may be wrong you know. I started off with my wife here in my present diaries so that women and men alike reading my diaries will know how a married man's mind works. Of course, there are lots of women in my life before and after I got married. So as my diaries progresses, I will be narrating my ordeals.

That is enough for today. I will continue tomorrow (God Willing) with Past Women in my life. I feel like a heavy load is off my chest, at least I have started letting out some of this secrets. Catch ya later.

Tabia is the best thing as a woman that has ever happened to me at that particular time. When I waited for Obayi for some years, Tabia came into my life. With Tabia in my life, I was secured. She is all to me at that time. With her in my life, I don't have any other partner. Tabia and I were so much in love that everyone knew she is my intended wife. But, she too like Obayi eventually travelled out of town and the love we once shared and cherished suddenly took a nose dive. By the time Tabia came back, she have less time for me, neither does she pretend that she doesnt have someone in her life. On my own side too, I have grown wild and have departed from my usual self of keeping one woman, I have after her departure about 4 or 5 ladies. As if that is not enough, Obayi suddenly came back from Lagos and she too did not pretend not to continue from where we stopped. Our reunion (i.e myself and Obayi) did not last long before Tabia came. I was therefore in between Tabia and Obayi. We were like this for close up to 1 or two years when eventually Tabia became pregnant for another man. Obayi on the other hand keep going and coming from Lagos to visit me. Tabia then saved me the agony of coping between two women, immediately she got pregnant. Tabia unfortunately got married to the man she got pregnant for, but they did not marry because the guy is irresponsible. After two kids from different men, Tabia today is happily married to a new guy, I think, 2 years ago.

Maira probably was the most conspicuous among the numerous ladies I had before my marriage to Obayi and when when Tabia left me. Maira was very tall, physique and old enough to get married but young in age. No doubt anyone who is aware that she is still nursing the idea of getting marry to me will see it as a joke.
Maira is a novice in the affairs of love. She has not known any man before we met. You could then imagine the type of love she has for me, very deep, serious and pure. I remember my Dad opposed flatly to my relationship with her when he criticised that she is too tall, huge, flat chested and of course a spoiler before she decided to join the race. The fact of the matter is that Maira and Tabia used to know each other.
I was the first person in the life of Maira, the task of making her a woman was very tough, i lost count on number of occasions that I tried to make her a woman before I eventually succeeded. No wonder she never give up easily when I got married to Obayi. Maira is today happily married too, we stayed apart in different city and has taken a very long time since I saw her last.

In Obayi coping with numerous women I had before I got married to her, the most opposition is from Maira who still surse the idea of getting married to me. All my explanations to her to let bygones be is on deaf ears. To cut her dream short, I took to a very young lady that I knew through her as my dream of future second wife.
Taksir is a young lady, very pretty but well mannered and religious. She is still undergoing her secondary education at this period, and very suitable for my second wife ambition because by the time she must have graduated from University, I would have been ripe enough for a second marriage. This idea really work becuse it put Maira on the defensive and kill her offensive tactics. Taksir on the other hand does not help matters because all my entreaties to her, though interested, is on deaf ears.Just like I said before about her well mannerism, she put it to me point blank that while she love me and can marry me, but the premise of my proposal to her is very unacceptable to her. I continue to put pressure, doing what men always do to win women at all costs. I did some crazy things, like sending gifts through DHL even though we live in the same town, writing love poems, letters and visiting her in school by waiting at their school gate. In the long run, Taksir fall for me but on the condition that I first seek Maira approval.
Seeking Maira approval is a least task to me to overcome compare to all what I have gone through in the past to get to where I am; I therefore summon for Maira. I remember I engaged her in a war of blackmail, telling her that there is nothing under the earth that has never happen before, I let her know that if she kept on waiting for me I may not be ready in the next five or six years. she should therefore know that I am not leaving her for Taksir because I do not love her, but because I had the intention to take a second wife and can afford to wait for Takisir who fits very well into my plan because she is still in Secondary school. I threatened her that there is nothing in it for her if she refused our relationship because what I am asking her to do for me is very important to me and I would so much appreciate it if she can do same for me; I would never in my life forget such an act on her part. After long cajoling and serious convincing, she told me in shrugged way that she does not have any objections. However, the other way round was the situation when I saw Taksir the next day, she rebukked me and flatly refused me; telling me that Maira had taken the matter beyond my expectations and that for now things had degenerated to a quarrel between her and Maira so much that they now go in their separate ways. I however continue to put more pressur eon Taksir, giving her no breathing space to say no and trying all other tactics like asking friends to intervene on my behalf.
It was a respectable elder who intervene who later insisted and mandated me that I should choose between one of them, I had to choose leaving both of them, even at the consternation of Maira who thought I would have chosen her. Thus was how I overcome the first problem of our marriage willfully caused by myself, leading credence to the popular maxims that "it takes two to make a marriage a success, and it takes one to make it a failure".

Let me first narrate another story of another woman in my life, she indeed led to the fall of my first marriage, even though I was the one that set the ball rolling when I decided to take a second wife. I met Ekin just like any other girls, but unknown to me, she has another agenda. When I met her, i was just looking for a fling, and she knows well too. The funny thing is I should have seen the handwriting on the wall because before I got a car, Ekin does not give me a chance at all. But the moment I got a car, her reactions and characters towards me change. Before you say Jack robinson, she is all over me. When she realise I am married, she still ready to be the second wife.
Ekin corniously ride her way to my families, she knew everybody, she make it her business to know them one after the other. She tried to be nice to every one of them. She researched into my wife short comings, and she make sure she is excellent in areas where is has weakness.
Before long, she had started talking about real marriage when in actual fact my own agenda was to let her finish her school, do her NYSC, get a nice job and then we could get married. My opinion then was that, by the time she do all her schoolings, I would have been ripe enough too for my second wife ambitions, not knowing that she has a hidden agenda.
If she is nice to my families, you could guess the attention she gave me too, she is always all over me, she makes sure she satisfied me in everything, if you know what I mean.

It was during this period that someone advised to one day that I shoud issue a divorce threat to her, and that by so doing, she will come to her senses. So one day, I asked someone to proceed to customary court to obtain a divorce papers, same was despatched to her the same day.
That night i was expecting Obayi to come and discussed with mr or probably beg me and confide inme that she has come back to her senses, since that is the reason why the divorce paper was served on her and does not mean that i really want to divorce her, but instead, Obayi did not say anything, she behave as if she did not received the divorce notice. Instead, she has gone to meet some influenctial personalities that are important to our union as couple, who later summon me for a truce. Obayi stay away from our matrimonial home for a long time say about 2 months before a final truce came. During this period, Ekin took over the house and had decided to stay permanently with me. This does not go down well with me, because I remember that, her excuse for coming over to my house was because she needs to sit for her GCE examinations and does not want to be disturb where she was staying. But after the examinations, she does not want to leae again. It was this period that Obayi came back to the house. Obayi decided to behave after the divorce threat, she change to bettr and she even saw nothig wrong in  living under the same roof with Ekin, but Ekin not done with that, because she had a hidden agenda continue to behave through her false-heartedness. I even remember that I was the target of her vices one day because she connived with Obayi in quarrelling with me because of my past, which is on the account of numerous laies I had in my life. In a nutshel, there is a division once again between me and Obayi because I hold Obayi responsible for the gang-up since she happened to know all those ladies in my life before Ekin came into my life.

I can also remember that Obayi played into my hands with her actions of being unable to swallow the idea of a second wife when she told me one day that since I had decided to take a second wife, it will do well if I could be more specific on the properties that ar hers and that of Ekin. I was mad with the statement because what first came to my mind is that; she already doomed my decision to take a second wife. All these and other things I could not vividly remember contributed to the final exit of Obayi, which saw our marriage lasting 4 years. The lessons I learnt from this experience is that no matter what, it is always fair to keep very well in between couple, and not to allow external interferences, such that rock, twist and break our matrimonial home.

Obayi employ some other tactics in winning me back, she sometimes ambush me in my friends place, pleading and trying to lure me into sex so that she can become pregnant. But meeting me in my friend's place with this idea during this final separation is a different ball game, because I couldnt have make such a silly mistake because I just met another lady whom I intended to marry. This one is perfect, and I cannot afford to make a silly mistake of Obayi getting pregnant for me at that period. so you can imagine the strength I willmanufacture to resist such blackmail.
Of course, you will be wondering what happen between Ekin and I after Obayi final separation, she felt it is now her turn to move in, but like I said earlier, my intentions wasn't to marry a second wife in a hurry, I therefore refuse her request to move into my house. She felt bad about it, but she still made some contact in a form of spending weekends with me. But as months progressed, I discovered that the love I have for Ekin is decreasing everyday, I am beginning to see that she is sort of responsible for the break up in my marriage. Besides, I am beginning to see her as someone who has succeeded in driving Obayi away but now want to take her place; something I had not thought about nor planned. I therefore somehow withdrawn myself in pursuing our love, an action she viewed seriously reporting me to my parents who supported her in all ramifications. Ekin is used to taking matter up to my parents for adjudication; knowing fully well that she will end up coming triumphed. I remember we had a real fight sometimes, she so bold by saying it to my face that I dare not ask her not to come and see my parents again because she has gain their confidence. I remember I measured it up to her that even if she had cornily gain their confidence and protection, they are still y parents, and she is still my intended wife and I have final say on those topics, she however dare me, and it resulted in fisticuff. This action of mine resulted in my dad beating me in return, and I remember that it turns out into chaos and pandemonium wherein one of my siblings tried to broke the windscreen of my car.
It was after this incidence that it now dawn on me that Ekin could never be my wife. It was not Long therefore when I put it to her that I cannot go along anymore with the relationship. She therefore blame my reasons on Tayina, the new girl i just met, reporting me to my parents as if they were the one to decide whom to marry to me. May parents call on me and asked for reason why I decided to severe my relationship with Ekin. I explained to them that I cannot marry such a girl, and that I wont be a party to a lady whom I cannot dissuade or persuade fromdoing what is bad. I told them that Ekin in particular is too troublesome and that they are over protecting her, moreso when she would run to them whenever there is a rift between us. I told them that in a situation where my wife would not listen to me but chose to listen to my parents on matters that borders on our matrimonial home is dangerous to my decision to marry such a girl. I therefore put it to them I cannot go ahead with Ekin relationship. the fact that Ekin had informed them before hand, and had told them cock and bull story about myself and Tayina made them not to listen to me at all; you could imagine that my explanation wasn't satisfactory to them despite the fact that I informed them that it is rather too early for me to chose a wrong woman since Obayi had just left. My parents refused to yield to my explanation and further threaten that should I refuse to marry Ekin, they will never sanction any relationship to whomever I brought as my intended wife. they threatened further that, there could be no any other reason why I refuse Ekin hand in marriage other than the fact that I had seen that they liked her, and that sensing this on my part, I felt threatened that she will continue to be good to them more than me; compared to Obayi.  Contrary to this opinion however, I must have taken to my dad in this regard because I believe so much in the couple privacy so much so that I felt that my wife should be submissive to issue relating to my immediate family welfare rather than extending same to my parents. What this means is that my wife should be able to understand the fact that what ever I say or ask her to do goes just like my mum is submissive to my dad. The huge different is that I believe so much in the opinion of my wife unlike my dad and of course would not do anything to contradict her right as my wife.
Thus continue my travail in the hands of my parents even after what they had contributed to the collapse of my first marriage.

The exit of Obayi in my life, fortune started dwindling for me. First, I had problems in the office, my boss who had been my backbone for a logn years, suddenly develop some kind of hatred for me, our relationship had turn sour. Having served him meritoriously for good six years, he suddenly could not understand my job any longer, neither is he satisfied with my performance. Teh fifth column too does not help matters, there are those who envy my seat and wanted to be in my shoes; and there are those who are witch hunting me simply because I had achieved what they could not achieve, there are some adversaries too who are jealous that I was nto theri senior in position, but achieve what they could not achieve. In short I was in the midst of enemies, it was during this period of Obayi separation from me they all choose to strike. They therefore were able to get in between myself and my boss, leading to my boss not having any trust in me any more.
My problems with my boss led to so many unpleasant repercursions varying from query, facing disciplinary committee and eventually transfer from his office on punitive ground - i,e without benefit. Coupled with this problems was another serious one that led me into a collision course with my landlady who is very strict when it comes to money, who will not reason along with me for defer payment because of some financial crisis I had, until she sued me.
It was during this period of crisis that my love for Tayina grew and bot of us could not go back because of this problems, it was then that we are strong in unity and bound. No doubt, Tayina must be the only woman in this world that can stay with a man in the period of hardship and problems, she persevered so many things that modern ladies like her could not endure.
Firstly, Tayina needs to endure the animosity from my parents even after Obayi departure as well as final disengagement from ekin. My parents went ahead with their threat that they will not sanction any woman I choose to marry after Ekin. any mention of her name by me is rebuff; making me realize that they will not hear of such name. They point to me clearly that they are not recognizing anybody except Ekin. Four months after our separation, Ekin got married to someone else; a decision my parents does not see as a vindication of my decision not to marry her, because it shows the degree and level of her love to me. It shows that there is no heartbreak on her part as a result of my disengagement with her. Instead, my parents continue to oppose my relationship with Tayina.
Tayina on the other hand, knew my parents intrigues, but it was not occur t her that it was that seriou suntil when for the first time in he rlife she will meet my dad face to face which according to her wasnt a pleasant meeting. Tayina put up with me in an hospital when I was taken ill, but instead of my parents to appreciate her, they do not, that attitude really pissed her off. But despite all this unencouraging show of character, she still continue to stay with me.
To worsen the situation, I lost my job, I tehrefore set up myself in business. During this period, things were pretty tough. The business is not moving while friends and acquaintances chose the same period to desert me. It was hell of a time. I had thought Tayina will left me at this point in time, using my parents disapproval of our relationship as an excuse, but she and her parents use the opportunity to encourage us the more while her parents cite my magnamity when I had enough on me.
When Tayina did not leave me despite all this, I therefore employ dialogue on the issue by asking people to interven on my behalf by meeting my dad on the issue. The first set of people that intervene met a brick wall.

You will please pardon me for not being able to update regularly, I will find more time to do this. I will continue tomorrow

Once again, I am using this medium to apologise for not updating this Journal, it had been catalogues of unforseeen circumstances. I promise henceforth to start the update and continue with the experiences from now on. Tomorrow by God's grace, the experiences continues from where i stopped.

Readers will remember that where I stopped this topic is where I was narrating the experiences of Tayina - The best wife I never had. It continued as follows:

When Tayina did not leave me, I employed a dialogue on the issue by asking people to intervene on my behalf by meeting my dad on the issue. The first set of people that intervened met a brick wall. My dad refused any of their counseling while the second set of people also met the same fate. It was then that I knew I had a problem in my hands. For one, she was someone willing to marry me despite the fact that, I was jobless and my business was not moving well, a point my parents should have reasoned with and approved our relationship since we loved each other. But they chose to look the other was, I was indeed devastated.
Not only this, my parents also employed divide and rule tactics among us, his child in dealing a blow on my agitation for Tayina's hands in marriage. The effect was that, all my siblings did not have any regard for Tayina, since most of them lived with my dad, and he had succeeded in poisoning their minds against her. it was indeed hell of a situation. therefore, it was sort of a right among us children; there was no unity among us. But at a time we decided to hold a meeting on the issue and held ourselves in unity.
After series of meeting, we came to the conclusion that, Tayina should be left alone to marry me and that it was not the business of our parent to dabble into the affairs of my marriage any longer. We all believed that I and Tayina should be left alone. To achieve this aim, we then invited friends of our parents, At the outcome of the meeting, the invited person made it clear to my dad that, he knew my dad believed so much in the Quran, but the unfortunate things about his position on the matter was that, the Quran does not specifically give parents  the right to chose a wife for their sons, they can only give advice. He therefore enjoin my dad to desist from his stance on Tayina.
As if that would rest the whole matter, my dad's stance remained unchanged. When I asked him whether I should bring Tayina to his presence, he said no way. Hence beginning another experience of cat and mouse game between us spanning almost over six years. At this point, I was devastated and then wondered what could have gone wrong or what else I could do to make my dad see reasons. I had always believed int he opinion that since he hold his religion in high esteem, and since he had now been highlighted as to what his religion said about myself and Tayina regarding our resolves to get married, he would simply give in, I therefore still believed that one day he would see reasons.

However, the task of making my dad see reasons continued unabated by every Tom, Dick and Harry that cared to lend their ears and voices, and my dad continued to reject all their pleas.
One day, I remembered his childhood friend (now a deacon), who was also in position to do the job. I therefore employed the assistance of my Uncle and the another brother to meet him. He listened to my submissions, and that of my Uncle and brothers and assured us that all will be well. My brother also enjoined the Deacon to pray over it before meeting my Dad because it is sure a serious matter. The outcome of the Deacon efaculations was to no avail. First, the deacon told us that my dad agreed to forgive me because according to him I had offended him, whatever the offence was, he refused to tell, he then assured us that my dad had similarly assured him that his consent would soon be given to the matter. A week after, my dad started playing us like a pantomine, first he said if that was what I wanted, he had given his consent but that he had found out spiritually that something bad would come out of the relationship. Later, he said he was not giving consent.
With this latest development, i decided to rest my case on the matter, but my Uncle and I persuaded the Deacon to carry out some findings too in christianity way to ascertain what is wrong with the relationship. Three weeks later, we went to confirm his own findings, and he told us that "there i snothing wrong with the relationship" and that besides, whatever that manifested in ou rlife as human beings certainly had the blessings of God. The deacon then prayed for me, and true to his prayer, 1 month after the incidence I secured an employment with a very juicy package.