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swoosh (m)
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Hi People,
I'm bit confused here and need honest advice, especially from already married people.
My fiance and I have been dating for close to 2 years (17 months precisely). She told me early into the affair how many men she dated before me- I never really had isues with that. Now she's pregnant for me and I decided we should get married (my folks should be meeting her's shortly for the formalities). The disturbing thing though is that now I find my self constantly imagining different men with her- that makes me look down at her as somewhat cheap ( i pinch myself anytime i do this) But is this something that will fade with time?, Will I ever stop looking at her that way?
I love her but could this mixed feeling just be the anxiety associated with going into a lifetime venture?
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Ujujoan (f)
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What’s your problem?? That’s a complex you are having and you shouldn’t. So were you a virgin when you met her?? What’s wrong with her sleeping with other men before meeting you – as far as she’s not cheating on you? She slept with you right? Does that also make her cheap?
I’d suggest you get over yourself and appreciate the lady in her; after all you no holy pass.
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swoosh (m)
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Hi Uju
You came on a bit harshly, but thanks, your points are noted
Let me say here that, I'm not considering dumping her, I just need advice on the best way to check these ugly feelings
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Nautillus (m)
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Dude . . .chill ok. . . .4getaboutrit . . .it will fade. Just tell yourself . . .All those relationships happened before you guys met
IF you really love her . . .Just let it go
Consider yourself lucky In these times . . .Marrying a Virgin/Naive girl ain't such a good idea at all . . .they almost almost FALL 4 temptations easily. . . .Your madam has been there and done that . . .no more appeal for her in the luring pull of "what would it be feel like to be with another man" . . .her air is very clear . . .SHE WHATS TO SPEND THE REST OF HER LIFE WITH YOU
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swoosh (m)
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Thanks Nautillus- You got valid points man,
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kemisuga (f)
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My Dear, everybody including the dead has past(s). For her to confessed the truth, shows she trully love you. It is not every woman that can tell their spouse about their terrible pasts. I dnt think you need much advice on what to do, to forget her pasts. Since you love her just make up your mind, and put behind any past history. she is already your wife to be. The prostitutes that have sex with three to five men a day, still get husbands and settle. If you didnt find her unfaithful during the 17months of courtship, so no big deal. Wish you all the best. CHEERS  |
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Omonunu2u (f)
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My Dear, everybody including the dead has past(s). For her to confessed the truth, shows she trully love you. It is not every woman that can tell their spouse about their terrible pasts. I dnt think you need much advice on what to do, to forget her pasts. Since you love her just make up your mind, and put behind any past history. she is already your wife to be. The prostitutes that have sex with three to five men a day, still get husbands and settle. If you didnt find her unfaithful during the 17months of courtship, so no big deal. Wish you all the best. CHEERS my dear u have said it all. @poster u see, ds na the main resaon why to tell ur partiner ur past na problem, she don talk finsh, now u dy look down on am. |
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swoosh (m)
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Thanks a lot Kemi
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holyeye (m)
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a truthful woman is more virteous than a deceitful one. Bull shit happens. e beta say na tori wey u hear before u start to dey do ur tin. what if u were d first and u found out many others later afta u?
Keep prayin. Wish u all d best bro. Abeg when nd where d date nd venue be? me i won come chop rice ooooo.
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Ujujoan (f)
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My Dear, everybody including the dead has past(s). For her to confessed the truth, shows she trully love you. It is not every woman that can tell their spouse about their terrible pasts.
Not telling doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner; it’s just to avoid situations like what the poster is passing through. Besides I believe the past should remain in the past, where it belongs – better to let sleeping Dogs lie. Poster you might not be planning to dump her, but you are already having negative thoughts towards her, and these will transform into actions eventually if you don’t check it now. If you can’t live with her past, then its better you let her go, that make her life difficult in future. Or like I earlier said, get over it. Forget it happened; see her for who she is now. Infact I think you guys should talk about it, tell her how you feel. It’s better to open up feeling; it makes it much lighter. Just my opinion. Me, I take my past with me to the grave. I aint telling!!! |
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holyeye (m)
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Not telling doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner; it’s just to avoid situations like what the poster is passing through. Besides I believe the past should remain in the past, where it belongs – better to let sleeping Dogs lie. Poster you might not be planning to dump her, but you are already having negative thoughts towards her, and these will transform into actions eventually if you don’t check it now. If you can’t live with her past, then its better you let her go, that make her life difficult in future.
Or like I earlier said, get over it. Forget it happened; see her for who she is now. Infact I think you guys should talk about it, tell her how you feel. It’s better to open up feeling; it makes it much lighter. Just my opinion.
Me, I take my past with me to the grave. I aint telling!!!
Uju no disputing the fact that telling about the past can cause disparity and disaffection in d long run. But hey who says d past cannot replay itself? I kno all men ask about a ladies past, thus firstly u would lie about it. Then sadly he fynds out bitterly after many years of building trusts and drawing positive conclusions. The world is a small place. That Aristopapa fit be him uncle cousin brother friend father wey dey for Suleja (LOL). I wont say give graphical details of your past, because many babes don ova do. If them tlk am as e be katakata go bust, person go wound. But u can summarise it. Afterwards prove to him you are a new leaf. Thus u ar clear of any future embarassing claim. @ poster, nothing dey par. Reali no big deal. Best way is to love her more. |
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akin63
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my brother,
don't allow the devil to spoil yr joy. nobody including me u have our past moreover, for her to have that courage to come out in order words she must have all that behind her. please appreciate her for her sincerity.
try as much as u can, whn ever that thought want to come to yr mind do something elso to get it out of you okay. i wish u happy married life. to GOD be the glory
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spikedcylinder (f)
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@ poster
You need to realise that it must have been incredibly hard for her to tell you her "number".
You should appreciate her honesty and count yourself lucky for getting the girl. It their loss isnt it?
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kemisuga (f)
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@ poster, you r welcome |
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albridge (m)
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hmmm. really don't know what to say. well if you love her and want to marry her they you have to forget her past. not alway easy but its the smart thing to do if you want your relationship to work.
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iice (f)
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Yikes!
Prolly jitters but seriously mehn, you should have been passed all this before getting to this point 
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Ujujoan (f)
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@ holyeye; What’s there to be embarrassed about? He didn’t meet you a virgin so he knows you’ve probably done it with one or more guys. Why elaborate. If he asks, just tell him you are not comfortable with discussing it. He should be able to understand that. Besides wetin concern you with all those wahala?? I told my guy I've done a lot of bad things in the past, I'm a changed person now, seen it all and all that stuff. I specifically told him that there are some things I did that I could never repeat to a living soul, even him. Thats as open as I can get. If he wants to see me as cheap, thats his own wahala, way I see it, if you think I'm cheap for sleeping with him, then you can as well think am cheap for sleeping wiht you.
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Emperoh (m)
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Swoosh
One thing i have learnt about relationships is trying to as much as possible inquiring about a new catchs past life
What you will discover might lead you to hasty and baseless accusations that might lead to jeopardising even the friendship between the both of you.
Its always better to avoid asking about the past. Even when u know, assume that u are the first person going out with the person
Even when she wants to tell you avoid it unless they are something that might have a scar or affect your relationship.
In your case, its a done deal and the best you can do for yourself is to start seeing the things that endeared you to her.
Look for her positives and see to it that she was, is and remains faithful to you. the most important thing is being happy with her
That she slept with other men BEFORE meeting you doesn't make her irresponsible or any less a virtuous lady.
Or tell me how will you fancy a virgin that is disrespectful has a bad manner and also a bad home keeper,
To a caring and faithful wife but with a blemished past? I will choose the later because i am not that clean too. I don't know about you.
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MrCrackles (m)
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Chei, this situation deep oooo!  |
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swoosh (m)
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Thanks to all you for the responsible, matured replies,
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tope2000 (f)
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Snap out of it jo, atleast she was being honest if she didnt tell you nko
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$$Rhino
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It is too late bro, just let it go and do the right thing, i am sure she is probably not ur first woman too.
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onyinye2 (f)
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@post
Were you with any other woman before her? Did you tell her? How do you know she doesn't think of you this way?
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girlsoswit (f)
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Whatever is past is past. The past should be put in the past and the future should be faced squarely. There's nobody that doesn't have a past. So @poster if u want to enjoy every bit of yourself in that marraige, just try to look over whatever she has done and have a good time. And don't tell me she's ur first love and the only one you've slept with. Anywy remember she's carrying ur child. Don't do anything to hurt her feelings. That she told u about her past shows that she loves u. I'm evn wondering hw many thns u'v told her about ur past and if u are that open to her.
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hollandis
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how many men screwed her?  ok i am just kidding |
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MrCrackles (m)
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Snap out of it jo, atleast she was being honest if she didnt tell you nko
wetin u dey yearn?! see ur head like OTURPKO YAM!!!  |
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rampant (f)
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@topic u men don't like hearing d truth,  would u have loved it if she lied to u and told u shes only slept wt only one person ewu |
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Godalone (m)
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Truth is always bitter .
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big father (m)
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Why you sef ask am about all those things ? Now you are feeling bad . You should have left the can of worms untouched . Anyway with time the memories will fade away and besides it's very possible she didn't sleep with them all naa. |
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ima1 (f)
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if you did not have a life before her n had gfs before ur current babe then be the first to throw the first stone, but if you did i suggest you get over it.
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topup
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Think about everything you two have been together. Think about how much she must trust you to have told you this. Think about whether there are other people you can see yourself having a long term relationship (possibly leading to marriage) with.
Now decide whether you want to leave her despite all these things.
Though, I believe that if you worked on trying to find the reason why this bothers you then you would probably be able to look past it, unless it really bgs you, but I personally think that such things do not reflect on the character of a person. You might find someone with a clean slate but who has a terrible personality.
If nothing helps, think of it as a compliment, that you were the best of all those guys, the one that made her stay and work at a relationship.
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