|
Baby Jinx
|
Done  |
|
|
|
|
|
kay9 (m)
|
Bravo, Ayo. Bravo. Your story left me grim; do you understand? Grim. I can remember only two works that have given me that feeling of crawling awe/horror before - a novel simply titled "Juju" that I read way back in high school (I don't even remember the author's name); and Enya's Braveheart sound track (yes, a song). Stephen King, Bloch, LeGuin, Rice - they all good, very good in fact, but none of them has precipitated that feeling in me yet. Maybe it's because your story truly defines 'horror' in the Nigerian way - you know, concepts like "wicked fate" - so wickedly unfortunate and crude and heartless and diabolic, and oh so real. I salute your heroine's courage at the face of the sea, with her demons screaming at the shadows of her subconscious. Bravo! But hey, that's not to say the story doesn't couldn't do with a little tickering. iice was right: your paragraphs at the beginning (Mami-water, Xmas, Benin, masquerades) didn't quite connect. Mind, I don't mean removing 'em entirely - just "repackage" them so they bond more strongly to the main story. And your style of breaking the story into three titled parts - why not use a free-flowing flash-back style? Just a line of asterisks when you want to link back to start of the story, instead sub-titles. It's just my view, though. P.S: You have to learn to ignore people who don't understand certain forms of literature - people who derogate stories simply because it offends them. Replying such posts is giving credence to their . . .umm, well, uninformed, lopsided views.  Holla back! |
|
|
|
|
|
ayomorocco (f)
|
Bravo, Ayo. Bravo. Your story left me grim; do you understand? Grim. I can remember only two works that have given me that feeling of crawling awe/horror before - a novel simply titled "Juju" that I read way back in high school (I don't even remember the author's name); and Enya's Braveheart sound track (yes, a song). Stephen King, Bloch, LeGuin, Rice - they all good, very good in fact, but none of them has precipitated that feeling in me yet. Maybe it's because your story truly defines 'horror' in the Nigerian way - you know, concepts like "wicked fate" - so wickedly unfortunate and crude and heartless and diabolic, and oh so real. I salute your heroine's courage at the face of the sea, with her demons screaming at the shadows of her subconscious. Bravo! But hey, that's not to say the story doesn't couldn't do with a little tickering. iice was right: your paragraphs at the beginning (Mami-water, Xmas, Benin, masquerades) didn't quite connect. Mind, I don't mean removing 'em entirely - just "repackage" them so they bond more strongly to the main story. And your style of breaking the story into three titled parts - why not use a free-flowing flash-back style? Just a line of asterisks when you want to link back to start of the story, instead sub-titles. It's just my view, though. P.S: You have to learn to ignore people who don't understand certain forms of literature - people who derogate stories simply because it offends them. Replying such posts is giving credence to their . . .umm, well, uninformed, lopsided views. Holla back! Hey Kay9, Howz it going? Thanks for the comments and suggestions. Regarding ignoring certain people, I had from the outset said I will give every response my attention (whether negative or otherwise), and consider every suggestion/advice given. I am gracious enough to acknowledge and thank every single person who has taken the time to first of all read the whole story, and secondly leave their comments/suggestions even when I do not agree with those comments. Now, whether I incorporate all these comments in the body of my work is a different matter. Let me say here that I take on board every single suggestion I think would make the story better and am quick to discard those I think do not do so. And for morons like lepashandi who are incapable of a simple coherent intelligent sentence and choose to make a total ass of themselves, well, there is nothing to do with their comments except tell them to bloody well shut up. |
|
|
|
|
|
ayomorocco (f)
|
Has anybody read the second story? Any comments?
|
|
|
|
|
|
ayomorocco (f)
|
Hey Sisi,
Wassup? Hope you are ok. I e-mailed you a couple of times but never got any response.
|
|
|
|
|
|
bluespice (f)
|
sisi we all presume has been banned cos she has been awol for a while now  so ull have to wait for some time till she reads this |
|
|
|
|
|
princesa (f)
|
i hope she comes back soon  |
|
|
|
|
|
ayomorocco (f)
|
sisi we all presume has been banned because she has been awol for a while now so ull have to wait for some time till she reads this Her Sisikill ID was banned, but she came back is Sisi Jinx (unless Seun has recently decided to wield his powers again). |
|
|
|
|
|
princesa (f)
|
why are you guyz blaming seun for the bann i dnt think he banns an id if they dint default they must have done something contrary to his rules so you guyz should give him a break as for the sisijinx i think i have seen it somewhere |
|
|
|
|
|
True Brit
|
Sisi is very much around. I have seen her on many threads all over the place.
@ Poster, Maybe she hasn't seen that someone is looking for her. Or maybe she just doesn't want to keep in touch. Read between the lines dude.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sisi Jinx
|
@ Ayomorroco I am so sorry! I've been laying low. . . well not really laying low but just giving the lit section a wild berth coz that's how I got in trouble the last time. Yeaah, I don't subscribe to the whole if you fall off your bike, get right on crapola!  Nah. . . I'm kidding (not really) I've just be a little out of it but I'm slowly finding my way back. I apologise. . . . like seriously, really on my knees apologise for holding you up. In my best Schwarzenegger voice.I am Beeeck!! Oh wait, that's not what he. . . his was I'll be Beeeck. Ah well, I'm sure you get the point. |
|
|
|
|
|
Sisi Jinx
|
i dnt think he banns an id if they dint default
they must have done something contrary to his rules
 Aaah! To be so young and Idealistic. . . hehehehehe. Sisi is very much around. I have seen her on many threads all over the place.
@ Poster, Maybe she hasn't seen that someone is looking for her. Or maybe she just doesn't want to keep in touch. Read between the lines dude.
 for the heads up!! |
|
|
|
|
|
Sisi Jinx
|
Bravo, Ayo. Bravo. Your story left me grim; do you understand? Grim. I can remember only two works that have given me that feeling of crawling awe/horror before - a novel simply titled "Juju" that I read way back in high school (I don't even remember the author's name); and Enya's Braveheart sound track (yes, a song). Stephen King, Bloch, LeGuin, Rice - they all good, very good in fact, but none of them has precipitated that feeling in me yet. Maybe it's because your story truly defines 'horror' in the Nigerian way - you know, concepts like "wicked fate" - so wickedly unfortunate and crude and heartless and diabolic, and oh so real. I salute your heroine's courage at the face of the sea, with her demons screaming at the shadows of her subconscious. Bravo! But hey, that's not to say the story doesn't couldn't do with a little tickering. iice was right: your paragraphs at the beginning (Mami-water, Xmas, Benin, masquerades) didn't quite connect. Mind, I don't mean removing 'em entirely - just "repackage" them so they bond more strongly to the main story. And your style of breaking the story into three titled parts - why not use a free-flowing flash-back style? Just a line of asterisks when you want to link back to start of the story, instead sub-titles. It's just my view, though. P.S: You have to learn to ignore people who don't understand certain forms of literature - people who derogate stories simply because it offends them. Replying such posts is giving credence to their . . .umm, well, uninformed, lopsided views. Holla back! Listen to THIS man!! Hiya Boss. . .  |
|
|
|
|
|
Sisi Jinx
|
Ayo, where is the second one?
|
|
|
|
|
|
ayomorocco (f)
|
What second one?
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sisi Jinx
|
Hey you! I'm talking about the second Story.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sisi Jinx
|
Oh Okay thanks. I sent you an email.
|
|
|
|
|
|
ayomorocco (f)
|
Was it the four e-mails you sent earlier? Or is it a new one? If it is a new one, it hasn't come through yet. I replied to your earlier e-mails though.
|
|
|
|
|
|
princesa (f)
|
now you've found your sisiam out  |
|
|
|
|
|
ayomorocco (f)
|
@ Sisi, so what do you think about that story?
And did you see my reply e-mails?
|
|
|
|
|
|
kay9 (m)
|
@ ayo: Saw your posts at hackwriters; you write good, friend. Tell me when u have a book ready. B T W, thinking of joining hackwriters too.
|
|
|
|
|
|
ayomorocco (f)
|
@ Sisi, Have you managed to read that story? @ ayo: Saw your posts at hackwriters; you write good, friend. Tell me when u have a book ready. B T W, thinking of joining hackwriters too.
@ Kay, Thank you. |
|
|
|
|
|
kay9 (m)
|
Did u just see that reply Ayo? I posted it ages ago! |
|
|
|
|
|
oluwdashmi (f)
|
Silent Night, Bloody Night. Bravo Ayo.
I suddenly forgot I was reading a story and began to feel both emotional and furious  . You 've done a cool job, just develop it more and compile it into a novel.
The moment I read the police and media part, I felt like reaching you that I will take the issue up but then I remembered I was reading a story . Keep it up, you are almost there.
|
|
|
|
|
|
ayomorocco (f)
|
Did u just see that reply Ayo? I posted it ages ago! Sorry about that. I kept forgetting to reply. Silent Night, Bloody Night. Bravo Ayo.
I suddenly forgot I was reading a story and began to feel both emotional and furious . You 've done a cool job, just develop it more and compile it into a novel.
The moment I read the police and media part, I felt like reaching you that I will take the issue up but then I remembered I was reading a story . Keep it up, you are almost there. Thanks a great deal. I appreciate the time you took to read the story and am glad you enjoyed it. I will remember you if ever the need for the press or police arises. Touch wood, I won't need to.  |
|
|
|
|
|
ayomorocco (f)
|
Guys! Guys!! Guys!!! I have a 250 word flash fiction up on http://clarityofnight.blogspot.com/2009/01/entry-89.html . It is titled "You at the World's Feet" and I shall be very grateful if you people swing by and leave some nice comments. It will take you just 2 -3 mins (definitely less than 5 mins) to read. The earlier you do, the better. If you have a google or blogger ID, please use that (I won't know who left what anyway). Cheers Guys. |
|
|
|
|
|
firestar (f)
|
Parts of your story that made me relive history years ayo. . . It's Raw & unspoiled. There's a driving force behind it all - and at your fingertips waiting to be unleashed. And your details- I could almost sketch them. Almost,
|
|
|
|
|
|
ayomorocco (f)
|
Parts of your story that made me relive history years ayo. . . It's Raw & unspoiled. There's a driving force behind it all - and at your fingertips waiting to be unleashed. And your details- I could almost sketch them. Almost,
Hiya, Are you saying that you had a robbery attack? if you did, I hope there were no fatalities. And thanks for reading the story. Also, are you an artist of some form? |
|
|
|
|
|
![Nairaland [Nigerian Forum] Home](http://www.nairaland.com/Themes/default/images/english/home.gif)
Author
