A Racial-marriage Problem!

I am married to a Yoruba man from Nigeria  for the past four years. I am a Welsh woman from Wales and I am 23 years old. My husband is 6 years older than me. We got married in Lagos in 2004. We have one son who will be 4 soon. In the past few months my husband has changed, he wants to go back to Nigeria in 2 years time but without me. So he has started seeing a woman , a yoruba woman. He said because I am white I can never live in Nigeria and that really hurts me. I live for my husband and my son. I would do  anything for my husband , but he says because  I am white I can never be a Yoruba woman. But he has only known this woman for 5 Months and I am worried about him. I may be a white woman , not Yoruba, but I love my husband and I would literally do anything for him. Does race really matter that my husband has dumped my son and I for someone he barely knows. Is it really that important? I have been to Nigeria twice and I love it. My in laws call me all the time to tell me that I am the only wife they recognize and that they love me. Please I need some advice from Nigerians' because I just don't understand.

Hmmmmmmm, In my opinion the best thing you could do is to  file for divorce and move on.
He already started seeing another woman and he`s taking an advantage of you. He obviously does not love nor respect you.
You don`t deserved to be treated like that. I
seriously wonder why this guy moved abroad and married & had a child with a foreigner ( perhaps for papers )

Good luck!

Almost the same had happened with me
I am black, in my case the point is I am not Igbo   I am Brazilian and the family didnt accept me.
Nigerian women are better than us because N reasons in their parents mind.
Give up !
This culture is too strong and you can't broken the rules, we will never will behave as nigerian women behave.
I just don't understand why he got married and make a son with you. Are you american ? if you say yes, I ll guess is because greencard.

I don't understand his level of selfishness, but I hope he comes to his senses soon. If your story is true then you and your son certainly don't deserve this. Thank God for your in laws, atleast they are on your side. Whether you want to move on or stick by him is a choice only you can make but he doesn't seem to really love the two of you, so please don't wait in vain.

@POSTER

there's no smoke without fire,u'v told us the version of ur tale,now tell us his,what did u do or have u done that made him go mad,i understand that this guy is mad,am sure there's a reason 4 his action.have you's been having problem?

first of all, don't waste away on his acount. He's already shown he's not worth all this trouble.

Pull yourself together and start doing things to keep you busy. Look your best and get involved with other activities so you don't even have too much time for him.

He's probably enjoying all the attention and weeping, and its making him feel like he's the most important thing in your life and you can't function without him. Even if thats true, he has to realize this doesnt have to be a permanent state of affairs, and you'll survive just as well regardless if he's there or not.

Some people say when a man gets this way the best thing is to act submissive and pamper him or some other such rubbish, but I don't know if this approach works, really.  Bringing a man back to his senses can be an uphill task.

they should have hashed this out before marriage. dude is just looking for a cop out

they always have to go home and find one of their own that will slave away for them and work all the hours god sent.

funny how the good women always end up with idiots. too bad.
How many men would give an arm and a leg for a woman who will still stand up and love them despite their many foibles.

tara, better pick up the pieces and move on.

true talk.

Most times they arent even ugly in face but in attitude.

The really ugly ones wont be jumping from pillar to post like this one is doing.

@Poster:

When being in love means being in pain, then you are loving TOO much. When you find yourself having conversations with friends or strangers (Nairalanders) about him, his problems and nearly all your sentences start with 'he', you are loving way too much. When you are excusing his behavior and tolarate his selfishness, that is loving too much. Mosty, when the relationship jeopardizes your emotional well being, you are most defenately loving too much. I think you have become too obsessed with this loser that you are barely ableto function, hence you googled 'Nigerian men and marriages' which led you to Nairaland.

This man has made it clear that he wants you no more. don't be afraid to de-aggregate from this unhealthy relationship.  Stop loving too much because, he will not change.

Questions:

Do you come from a dysfunctional family (Single parenthood, parents displayed no affection, etc)?
Are you terrified to be without a man?
Do you find yourself having to go an extra mile to please him?

This Leilah character sef.

@Poster, e pele o.

It is embarrassing, the things some Nigerian men do (80% atleast)

Gosh she married young and see wahala already

can't do this inter-racial thingy, it dosnt seem to work

nawa 4 people sometimes,because this involve african and european,is there no european and european or white and white as u may call it, going through divorce,abeggy make una go sit don 4 dirty jare.some of all this woman do come in here acting like angels,if my guy tell una wettin him eye's see una go bow.i am a man and married to european aswell,in a million years i can't just standup and walk out of my family witout good reason,especially when a child is involve.

so am not saying anything until we heard from both parties,if u like tell us if u like don't tell us.every marriage has their up's and down's.we are all human,am sure b/4 a man could walkout of his family he must be really hurt.


i am not mean oo, darling i feel ur pain ,but i am seeing it on a male point of view

Oh I have something up my slieve euromillion. 

Another year and I'll be qualified as a solicitor. 

Then, he can go and find a slave (I'll even help him find one with all those gladic qualities)

Cooking will never solve the problems I cook all the nigerian meals and so phokn waht?
According to my husband he has no problems with me at all! Yeah! bet ya won't find me here in three years time! I'll be history,  jus too many horror stories goin around about naija men and white women!

When they chite hits the fan it will be necessary to look for one of his own. I'm not a slave and I don't let him go away on 'vacations' and I don't act and speak like his own women, I am not an igbo lady and never will be. My dream to is stay with him forever. Doubt that dream is possible as I can never be as good as a naija lady. This is not according to him its according to my own reason.

Yeah thanks euromillion! yeah I got the first four in blackhall: prop, contract, crim and equity. In griffith at the moment for the last four!

Did my degree at DIT.