'Torn' - A Story

Okay yall i used to write fictions like this and i saw Seun's story and put me back in the mood again , i hope yall like it please read Thanks

Story:   TORN
Author: KC

                        Intro:

Brandy:  She's called MA - Miss Attitude! Shes Ghetto and She's got it all! Beauty and Brains. A local supermodel who gets that dough! What more could a Nigga ask for? she aint scared of no one, and doesn't care what anyone says. Brandy is on top of her game but is in love with someone else's man.

Shawn: The typical everyday Nigga. He's got the looks he's Sexy, Handsome, and every lady wants him. He's a personal trainer at the gym! Thats right! So you know he's in shape. He's got that killer body. He's torn in between his girlfriend Toya, and his Mistress Brandy.

Toya: A sweet and beautiful young lady who's known around campus because of her wealthy family. A full time business student at the University of Illinois Chicago. She's madly in love with her boyfriend of two years, Shawn.

Scene 1 : Brandy calls Shawn. Brandy is outside her house while Shawn is in his basement and Toya is upstairs watching Tyra Banks.

Shawn: (Picks up the phone) Hey B,

Brandy: Hey baby how are you? I want to know when next you coming down here to see me.

Shawn: Brandy, i've told you I can't be coming like i used to anymore i've told you Toya is starting to suspect me.

Brandy: I don't give a fuckk if she suspect shitt nigga i don't care. I love you i don't care about her.

Shawn: There you go again, matter of fact i gotta roll.

Brandy: You gotta go? Fuck no you don't gotta go no where. You's a damn liar.

Shawn: Damn girl! why is you tripping? i gotta go okay ill call you later.

Brandy gets mad and hangs up.

Shawn: Hello? Brandy?

Toya goes down the stairs to see Shawn in the basement.

Toya: Hmmm , so who's Brandy?

Shawn: Ohhh Brandy? , common Toya she's a colleague at the gym.

Toya: (Chuckles) I know, i know i was just pulling your legs dear. Anyways, i've missed you hon, we haven't spent time with each other lately.

Shawn: Yeah i know but we gotta make it up (Kiss) and tongiht, your sexy ass is going to get it.

Toya: (Sigh) Shawn, theres a reason why i came here.

Shawn: Whats wrong baby? you don't look too happy.

Toya: Cuz im not! I'm not happy Shawn.

Shawn: (A little nervous) Why baby? talk to me.

Toya: its time we talk about us. We've been together for almost 2 years Shawn. Its about time we,

Shawn: (interrupts) Baby you know im not ready to get married yet.

Toya: Why? Why aren't you ready? I'm ready and i've waited for so damn long Shawn!

Shawn: (Yells) Well i'm not ready Toya! okay?

Toya: what do you expect me to tell my dad?

Shawn: Why is it always about your dad? Can't we live our lives the way we want to?

Toya crys.

Shawn: (holds her) Baby, im sorry i yelled like that. I'm just not ready and you know i don't like being forced on things baby when the time is right i will put that rock on your finger girl i promise. aiight?

Toya: Okay

(Doorbell)

Toya: I'll get it

Shawn: I'm right behind you

Toya opens the door and to Shawn's suprise it's Brandy!

Shawn: (Shock) what the hell are you doing here?

Toya: (confused) Shawn, who is she?

Brandy: Tell her Shawn, tell her who the mess i am!

Toya: Shawn what the hell is going on here?

Shawn is speechless , find out what happens next

nooo don't give me that

ehh 

youre not saying anything lmfao

okayyyy

for fiction to work it has to be discriptive, yours did not do it for me.

We want more, more, more!

Speak for yourself nigga!!!!!

shawn???brandy??? Toya??? beautiful people??? sounds like the cast for Days of our Lives or some such. your opera is too soapy the bubbles cloud up whatever premise of thrills we can logically expect. And Ka, its your duty to criticize because if a waiter offers mush, don't hesitate to say its mush. i mean, are these people even Nigerians? what exactly did u offer to hook us into screaming for more?? this is juvenile fantasy gone wild.

I want more, more, more!

What time can I catch the next episode,  and which TV chanel
well great stuff
And I'm with seun I want more, I want more, I want more

maybe you should read well. I m guessing u didn't even read the story. You just ran through it. There are three individuals AND YES, she told us about them. All you need is a brief history and she gave it to us. From the way they sound, u can guess they are older than 24. Read the begining of the story daing?

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@topic. KC post the rest please. After the next part i'll cast my vote.

I really don't like those people u mentioned. Especially sidney sheldon. Now maybe, just maybe i don't know nada about writing.

But heaven knows i know something about reading. When i read i want to read something sweet, not great philosophy's by some old men. Maybe, grown up men like you might love those kind of writings, but younge girls like me, want something well, something close to 'what's the word'?

Something not tooo serious, but still pulls me along. tell me stories about a rich girl and a poor girl hooking up, and i'll wanan see the end. Start telling me about some people who found gold and are now looking for HIV results, i lose interest.

When i read novels and stories, im trying to run away from Biology text books n likes.

Then again, everyone is different. I totally understand you tho. But you shouldn't compare the writings of a 17 year old girl, to the writings of men who've written all their lifes. These men are like what? 106? (exageration please).

lmfao u guys are really harsh

cry cry cry lol i aint writing no more

just playin i don't know when i have time ill continue

I find critics like daviylan irritating.  Get out of here; how many books have you written?  How high is the quality of writing on your blog anyway?  Let's check it out, to see what he know about writing: davidylan/

its really good KC can't wait to see what happens next, keep up the good work wish i could write like that