|
ezeagu (m)
|
I've been noticing lately that my child has been suffering from deep sleep in the night, and it's not just any sleep, when I try and wake him up in the morning he doesn't wake up instantly. My pastor told me its because he has travelled far in the spiritual realm to the witch's and wizards coven, but my doctor told me it's because I wake him up at 4 am. I have also noticed that my child seems to be possessed with the spirit of lack of interest in school, spirit of answering me back, spirit of not being able to do his 9 times tables (off by heart . . . . to thirty), spirit of spending my money on unnecessary things, spirit of beating up his little brother, spirit of wanting a computer like some of his friends, spirit of stubbornness, spirit of breaking my dishes (like Rihanna), spirit of wanting to go to London, spirit of wanting to believe what sounds intelligent and not some lies made up by a cult/church that wants all your money and mental freedom and the spirit of being a child. I'm thinking of starving him for about 2 or 3 days depending on how long it takes for him to confess his a wizard (like Dumbledor) and I may even add a few beatings in between, because this is what my pastor suggested. My question is if my child is a wizard and should I beat him into forgiveness or let my pastor do it? I'll be very grateful for your answer, oh. Another thing is that my child's lips are very red, as if his been sucking blood at night, please o, I'm very scared oooooooooo! Oh and please suggest some tortures that I can inflict on him if his a wizard, as this is my first wizard child, and It will help me know what to do once my other kids I don't really love or care about gets initiated into Helen Ukpabio's money making brain wash the witch's coven. Thank you  |
|
|
|
|
|
~Sauron~
|
I've been noticing lately that my child has been suffering from deep sleep in the night, and it's not just any sleep, when I try and wake him up in the morning he doesn't wake up instantly. My pastor told me its because he has travelled far in the spiritual realm to the witch's and wizards coven, but my doctor told me it's because I wake him up at 4 am. I have also noticed that my child seems to be possessed with the spirit of lack of interest in school, spirit of answering me back, spirit of not being able to do his 9 times tables (off by heart . . . . to thirty), spirit of spending my money on unnecessary things, spirit of beating up his little brother, spirit of wanting a computer like some of his friends, spirit of stubbornness, spirit of breaking my dishes (like Rihanna), spirit of wanting to go to London, spirit of wanting to believe what sounds intelligent and not some lies made up by a cult/church that wants all your money and mental freedom and the spirit of being a child. I'm thinking of starving him for about 2 or 3 days depending on how long it takes for him to confess his a wizard (like Dumbledor) and I may even add a few beatings in between, because this is what my pastor suggested. My question is if my child is a wizard and should I beat him into forgiveness or let my pastor do it? I'll be very grateful for your answer, oh. Another thing is that my child's lips are very red, as if his been sucking blood at night, please o, I'm very scared oooooooooo! Oh and please suggest some tortures that I can inflict on him if his a wizard, as this is my first wizard child, and It will help me know what to do once my other kids I don't really love or care about gets initiated into Helen Ukpabio's money making brain wash the witch's coven. Thank you Take your child to TB Joshua. He's got a remedy for witches/wizards/sorcerers. |
|
|
|
|
|
spikedcylinder
|
I've been noticing lately that my child has been suffering from deep sleep in the night, and it's not just any sleep, when I try and wake him up in the morning he doesn't wake up instantly. My pastor told me its because he has travelled far in the spiritual realm to the witch's and wizards coven, but my doctor told me it's because I wake him up at 4 am. I have also noticed that my child seems to be possessed with the spirit of lack of interest in school, spirit of answering me back, spirit of not being able to do his 9 times tables (off by heart . . . . to thirty), spirit of spending my money on unnecessary things, spirit of beating up his little brother, spirit of wanting a computer like some of his friends, spirit of stubbornness, spirit of breaking my dishes (like Rihanna), spirit of wanting to go to London, spirit of wanting to believe what sounds intelligent and not some lies made up by a cult/church that wants all your money and mental freedom and the spirit of being a child. I'm thinking of starving him for about 2 or 3 days depending on how long it takes for him to confess his a wizard (like Dumbledor) and I may even add a few beatings in between, because this is what my pastor suggested. My question is if my child is a wizard and should I beat him into forgiveness or let my pastor do it? I'll be very grateful for your answer, oh. Another thing is that my child's lips are very red, as if his been sucking blood at night, please o, I'm very scared oooooooooo! Oh and please suggest some tortures that I can inflict on him if his a wizard, as this is my first wizard child, and It will help me know what to do once my other kids I don't really love or care about gets initiated into Helen Ukpabio's money making brain wash the witch's coven. Thank you I hear Helen has gone on leave. You should try Reverend King, he is equally good.  |
|
|
|
|
|
SeanT21 (f)
|
What The Heck!!
He is not a freaking witch!!
Stop Believing Your Pastor!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
ikeyman00 (m)
|
hey nawoo hahha
|
|
|
|
|
|
NaijaWifey (f)
|
This child is not a witch, he is tired! You wake him too early in the morning, yes he wants things his friends have, he is a kid! I can't believe someone would twell you he is a witch, maybe he is in his REM sleep at that point. God please dont harm the child, crazy people!
|
|
|
|
|
|
spikedcylinder
|
LOL! So you guys cannot tell sarcasm apart?    |
|
|
|
|
|
ibkaye
|
Hehehe, I think the poster is just mocking that Child Witch Documentary LOL! So you guys cannot tell sarcasm apart? Abi o |
|
|
|
|
|
toshmann (m)
|
there are three solutions to this problem, chose one 1. the pastor should be locked up 2. the child should be tied up with chains 3. ezeagu should jailed
|
|
|
|
|
|
StephenP (m)
|
What The Heck!!
He is not a freaking witch!!
Stop Believing Your Pastor!!
This child is not a witch, he is tired! You wake him too early in the morning, yes he wants things his friends have, he is a kid! I can't believe someone would twell you he is a witch, maybe he is in his REM sleep at that point. God please don't harm the child, crazy people!
*dead* @topic, dip him in the Atlantic ocean 13 times to cleanse his soul of the spirits, if that doesn't work, chain him to a bed of pins until he confesses. |
|
|
|
|
|
ezeagu (m)
|
*dead*
@topic, dip him in the Atlantic ocean 13 times to cleanse his soul of the spirits, if that doesn't work, chain him to a bed of pins until he confesses.
Thanks for the suggestion. |
|
|
|
|
|
~Sauron~
|
Thanks for the suggestion.
Put him in a Lion's den. |
|
|
|
|
|
n-guage (m)
|
I saw what you did there but unfortunately a lot of Nigerians can't tell sarcasm even if you tell them what it is, in short a lot of them don't have a sense of humor. That makes your thread another wasted joke.
|
|
|
|
|
|
ezeagu (m)
|
Put him in a Lion's den.
Hmm, I don't want to kill him, just brutally torture and mentally scar him for the rest of his life. I saw what you did there but unfortunately a lot of Nigerians can't tell sarcasm even if you tell them what it is, in short a lot of them don't have a sense of humor. That makes your thread another wasted joke.
What joke?  |
|
|
|
|
|
krazynaija (m)
|
@poster Put the child in a bus full of ashawo.by the time 3 lagos ashawos finnish with him he will confess lol |
|
|
|
|
|
T@meD0 (m)
|
make una relax pipu, this na another joker seeking attention for NL o jare. why i talk so? well, no one in their right senses go dey ask for public forum which kin torture hin fit inflict on his kids wey hin no love or care for now. besides, the yeye guy winked at the end of his ramblings, which is an indication say pesin no need to take him very seriously.
|
|
|
|
|
|
StephenP (m)
|
Hmm, I don't want to kill him, just brutally torture and mentally scar him for the rest of his life. What joke? Sew his lips together next time his mouth looks red while telling him that no child of yours will suck blood under your roof. |
|
|
|
|
|
ibkaye
|
Hehehehe, am still laughing at this thread, good one! |
|
|
|
|
|
T@meD0 (m)
|
@poster Put the child in a bus full of ashawo.by the time 3 lagos ashawos finnish with him he will confess lol |
|
|
|
|
|
StephenP (m)
|
It's funny how this thread is on the front page. Sarcasm is fun!
|
|
|
|
|
|
whiteroses (f)
|
ha I saw the show on channel 4 saving africa witch children, please leave your son he's not a wizard or witch, those pastor that tells people these things are scammers they need your money and toture your children, me I always say go to school or try ignorant, only an ignorant person beleives in witch craft, i know there are demons and spirits but witchcraft is just a made up tale
|
|
|
|
|
|
T@meD0 (m)
|
@ poster, your pickin no be wizard again? hin don turn to witch now? u no think say your sarcasm is a little too extreme there? perhaps, it would have gotten the expected result if only you had posted it in the jokes section (maybe?).
|
|
|
|
|
|
krazynaija (m)
|
ROFLMAO! Ol' boy, ya screen name suit u well well o with this kin comment. na true na,na so my mama cure me wen i be wizard. thoz lagos ashawo no send at all ! |
|
|
|
|
|
n-guage (m)
|
Since you claim it's not a joke, I will help you get rid of this wizard of the underworld.
Tie him up and pour petrol on his body
Put Devil beans all around him
Take his pants off
Find the hole in his privates
Find a stick and put it in the hole
With the stick still in, hit his privates repeatedly with a sledgehammer
Light the stick like a cigarette and watch it burn.
Witches would never visit you anymore.
|
|
|
|
|
|
~Sauron~
|
ha I saw the show on channel 4 saving africa witch children, please leave your son he's not a wizard or witch, those pastor that tells people these things are scammers they need your money and toture your children, me I always say go to school or try ignorant, only an ignorant person beleives in witch craft, i know there are demons and spirits but witchcraft is just a made up tale.
Are u a Nigerian?? |
|
|
|
|
|
T@meD0 (m)
|
na true na,na so my mama cure me when i be wizard. thoz lagos ashawo no send at all !
Lol! u know what, i believe u if u say so. |
|
|
|
|
|
krazynaija (m)
|
AH no be joke oh !
u think say na only witchcraft? dey even cure me for madness,craziness,ashawo pursuing,woman yanch pressing.looking at pastors yanch.etc make i stop here naw.
|
|
|
|
|
|
donjon
|
am @ a loss for words
|
|
|
|
|
|
ezeagu (m)
|
@ poster, your pickin no be wizard again? hin don turn to witch now? u no think say your sarcasm is a little too extreme there? perhaps, it would have gotten the expected result if only you had posted it in the jokes section (maybe?). (People's intelligence will be judged by the way they react to the post, it's satire, the topic is not exactly a kiddies play) |
|
|
|
|
|
ode remo (m)
|
i want said to a friend that the incident of jimmy Jone's in guyana is small to what will happen in nigeria ,these so called modern day Messiah will take us to one way , that is doom. we can all gather in abj stadium and pray, fast for 365 days wake up the next day our problems will still be there. ask how Malaysia, India,Pakistan, china ,japan all struggling contries like ours yrs ago did. and they all will mention 3 words, SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY. SIMPLE.
|
|
|
|
|
|
OBVIOUS (m)
|
This sh@#$t is too funnny!!!! L O L
|
|
|
|
|
|
OBVIOUS (m)
|
I think that you should find a pastor that will torture you for letting your son become a wizard.
|
|
|
|
|
|
![Nairaland [Nigerian Forum] Home](http://www.nairaland.com/Themes/default/images/english/home.gif)
Poll
Author
