Foreign Women With Nigerian Men: Come In!

das ryte kiss me 

@H202, kiss you, pls, hell no

are you mad?  if you can have one night stands, kissing me should be like drinking water to you 

Let us not forget what this topic is about.  As much as a try to stay away because I'm a Nigerian woman I just couldn't.  As I have
A lot of American  women friends married to Nigerians.  There is a lot of factors contributing to this facts.  As a Nigeria woman, I have more of this problem than my Nigerian husband.  I have a 75 year old mother at home. Two sisters who struggles with Nigerian life. They struggle with everything including paying school fees for their children, I am in the US I don't have to pay school fees.

At one point I vowed to send their school fees every quater when I witnessed them stay home four days during exam period.  My other sister is not married,  she has 2 kids she has a job, but of course they can only feed on this job, they berely cloth themselves from it.

My point here is what am I supposed to do when they call me for money.  My husband is too having a hard time dealing with me and these my family problems.  I personally believe it's a shame on me if my own niece and nephew that close to me have to not go to school when I can take payday loan to help them.  That's how far I go to help them out.  With my mom being 75 with high b/p and no retirement,  no one can convince me not to to send her allowance monthly.  The good thing about my family is that they understand when I say no.
There's a lot more to share from my personal experience. When I can get to a desktop,rhis iphone isn't working well enough.
This is a very good thread by the way.  please don't kick me out, may be my personal stories could answer some of your questions.
I will be back

My dear sister,I don't think it's a good idea to take pay day loans and  send the money home to your folks.
Pay day loan operators are loan sharks that target low income wage earners and lend them money sometimes at 200% interest.
I know it can be tough taking care of relatives back home but I doubt if being in debt for their sake is wise.

Please I need Nigeria man or woman for love. I really like black people. I want one man or woman of this color for myself. SO if you know anyone man or lady that like me please tell me. Thanks

hey am a Nigerian based in US and in a relationship with a girl from Neuss(W.Germany). although we have not said anything about marriage yet, but everything us tells us that and i do not think my people have a problem with that because they already know and like her(in fact my mum has given her an Ibo name).
everybody have been talking about the cultures and traditions of Nigerians but no one wants to talk about it the other way round.
Yes i accept that sometimes we Nigerians have an annoying habit of expecting so much from relatives abroad and sometimes we even look at it as a right and not a favor, but i must tell you that these white chics also have some character that will make you want to throw up.
Germans mainly drink beer a lot, in fact in Nuess beer is a lot cheaper than water. they get drunk in friends party, sleep in their ex house sometimes and tell you that there is no big shit in that, get bored when you talk about family and so many other stuffs.
the truth is that,when you are dating a guy or a girl from abroad, you have to bear it in mind that you will be be patient and tolerable with your spouse.

Sounds like she's playing you.

I've noticed that too. All of a sudden the generous brother or cousin is being stingy and a whole bunch of other stuff. The other thing I've noticed is the lack of appreciation when a Nigerian relative gets money. It's like it's just expected. I think it's really their way of putting pressure on their relative basically to get what they want--$$$$.

lol!! They really are not greatful
You give them money, the enxt week they'll call with some made up story about how it was not enough or someone stole it

What annoys me the most is their mentality that we should be sending money to them

Good points. I think it's up to each person or couple to figure out when or how to help. I can see helping elderly parents or one's siblings who are children, but what I don't understand is helping able bodied adults who may be lying about what they need the money. And the other thing is how many family members can one person afford to support? Someone in here mentioned helping extended family. Someone else mentioned helping out friends too. I don't think anything's wrong with helping family. the only problem comes in is if one's spouse is not on the same page.


That gets me too. I absolutely hate being lied to. I am not down with giving money to anyone who is lying or ungrateful. I have learned not to discuss how I spend my money with my Nigerian relatives-in-law because the thought is if you have money to do XYZ, you have money to send to cousin, sister or whoever.


You are on the verge of losing everything! Start saying no or you will lose everything and not be able to help your family at all. Taking out payday loans is a bad idea. Only give money when you have some to give and try to save an emergency fund for you and your husband and something for retirement. You may want to consider just sending what you can for your mother if you can. Taking out any kind of loan means you don't have money to give. Is your husband Nigerian too?

maybe because you're the same tart that insulted Yorubas in one of your asinine threads.

well there are culture difference between the two,but over all it's no difference with the family situation we help our family members here not always with money.I was raised in a very large close nit family and we take care of each other some have more than others .yes we send money home to Nigeria to family member mostly for school fees .and i find it to be ok my only problem is that(distant) family members start calling you . but he handles that cause he is tight with money and very good with deciding if hes going to send this person money .the only thing is because Nigerian men are so bossy you have to learn to deal with them ,and when you do you find out that you are really the boss lol . As he ounce told me they say African men are bossy and controlling .I told him maybe so but I know I'm both of those things and he will tell you yes I certainly am . I find those charistics very appealing I love a manly man I can get away with murder with him but I know when to stop and straighten up . anyway African men are true kings lol

My sister that is true talk,In short my own view too.

Truthiness!

Hi All,



This is an extremely important thread, in my view.

It is, because it touches at the root of a key aspect of our culture.  We need to sit down and argue the various points raised in this thread.  Please try and present a balanced argument, because our people abroad are working themselves to death, inorder to support family members back home in Nigeria.

Going home in the early mornings, after a night-out, you'll notice that the buses are filled with Nigerians (and other Africans) going to work at that time of the morning, whilst everybody else is asleep.  Most likely doing a second or third job.

They can not afford anything decent for themselves and are forever poor.  Forever doing the menial jobs to help-out at home.  They can not maintain any meaningful long-term relationship because of these financial pressures.  Their faces are always dry and tell a pitiful story.  What's your take on this?

Personally, I can not deal with it.  Life's much too short, so, I always think of myself.  I come first at all times (and of course my immediate relationships).  I have to come first because if I don't take care of myself, nobody would.  I come first!  That doesn't mean that I am selfish but that I would never allow anybody to put me under unnecessary financial pressures, all in the name of family.  Sod that!   

In presenting your argument, please do not throw insults at anybody merely because you do not agree with the one's views.  Neither must anyone discriminate against anybody, either on the grounds of the one's nationality or because the one had touched a sensitive issue that no-one likes to discuss.

Try as we may, to bury our heads in the sand, family demands on overseas-based Nigerians (and, indeed, other Africans) is a monumental problem that cripples a lot of our people.

Lastly, please do not hijack this thread with your post.  Please stick to the main point of the argument.  I'm sure that a lot of Forum members are reading this thread with interest.

Do argue your point succinctly as to why the question of having to constantly send money to Nigeria inorder to support family members is an imperative.  Please also consider how this issue places a heavy financial burden on the one, as well as the big strain on the one's relationship. 

Justify the reasons as to why the one should over-work the one's self, merely to support the one's immediate family (and extended-family) members, back in Nigeria and other countries.  Please also justify why the one should sacrifice the one's relationship and happiness simply to support the extended family.

Would you carry on supporting the extended family or take care of your nuclear family?  Which is more important?  Would you rather see the break-up of your relationship merely because you are too busy supporting your extended family in Nigeria?

Please be logical in your argument and show some understanding, regarding the problems faced by those people who find themselves in this type of situation.



kiwi992.


NB:

Ikeyman, with due respect but I do not understand a word you are saying or indeed, your logic.  Your argument seems to border on race.  Could you please make yourself clear.