Foreign Women With Nigerian Men: Come In!

Most of all this guys abroad, know how much those at home suffered for them before they traveled. they  go to the extent of selling their properties  just to sent them over there!so do u wan t to tell me that after all that sacrifice they will neglect their families, friends and loved ones just like that? that's not fair!

I have a Bulgarian friend who is married to a Nigerian guy but she doesn't care what he does with his money and likewise he does not care what she do with her money too.They live in the UK and she has to send money home to her mother always. So if a woman was going to say I am a little too independent to take that Nigerian/African tradition, then he should be independent with his money too.

There is not bad to find out that foreign women for US or other countries are been married to Nigerian men, for me i like that it make us to love one another. So that we can help our self in may ways.

What exactly is the problem these women have???

If you don't like the fact that Nigerian families bond very closely and don't forget themselves, please go and find men from other Nations.
Wetin happen sef  Nigerian men this, Nigerian men that!

I know a guy who was helped to go abroad by his cousin and his cousin told him that once he's there, his sister and brother would become his responsibility. Should this boy now meet a Black American/White woman and neglect his duties to his family? What if his own cousin also had that kind of mentality and he never reached America/UK, would any of you women would have been able to meet him?

In Nigeria, we have a family centered culture and we value family relationships. By the way, when you western women throw these men out of the homes, their families are the people to tutn to for a shoulder to cry on. If any Nigerian man is daft enough to turn his back on his family because of some selfish woman, he will reap the reward without doubt.

things like these make me think we deserve the insult some of these women rain on our people. why should a wife be the one sending your mom money?

No, no-one was pleading for money but my husband has implied that this should be a regular thing -i beg to differ!

His mum gave all her money away at our wedding so even though she didn´t want us too i wanted to replace it for her.  His friend was very good when i was there so thats why he got sent some & his sister was alone, paperless & pregnant in Italy for a while, thats why i helped out there

Like i said i don´t mind helping out occassionally but i dont want my financial help to be taken for granted

she has answered you.  i think it is a disgrace to have to let any woman take care of your mum it doesnt matter cash or kind. it is silly.  why go do a wedding you cant afford.  the girl is not nigerian yet a wedding was done in nigeria. mmmm

we have been here before. marriage is not by force. if you cant afford it dont have one let alone asking someones daughter to give money to your parents and friends.  i know every Nigerian tribe has the word shame and respect in our native dialets.  some of our fathers perfected the act of using our women to pay their way and do their dirty jobs it is sad a younger generation doesnt see anything wrong in this. very sad

 

Now let me tell the nigerians what they dnt know. u see the above anurika's post is be edited. i stand to be corrected! this is what is missing from it. My husband is a bit of caveman
 

now my reply watch my words carefully and closely hahha
ikeyman

so kiwi

what is it that u dnt understand? does it mean u cannot understand simple english? it all good yall come in here roundin down nigerianman but hey just remember there is always a line right? they so called aa man loves to spend his money on holidays and bling bling, etc 

well we understand what yall sayin but sendin money home doesnt mean that a nigerian should neglect his own wife and children

i think there should or need to be some mutual undertsnding between his siblings and family

well kiwi

feel free to buzz me up!

Your husband is a shameless man.
It is not a Nigerian thing to be shameless. it just so happens that many foreigners can't tell which Nigerian is responsible and which is not. Unfortunately, more often than not, foreign women fall into the hands of the most irresponsible elements in the Nigerian society 

Aprill22@

I've noticed that too. All of a sudden the generous brother or cousin is being stingy and a whole bunch of other stuff. The other thing I've noticed is the lack of appreciation when a Nigerian relative gets money. It's like it's just expected. I think it's really their way of putting pressure on their relative basically to get what they want—

 I share your sentiments, but  its also important you remember some of these relatives asking for money might have done one or two favors for your guy.  Not being as appreciative as you might have wanted comes from the fact – maybe you guy was helped by uncles ,nephews, nieces and cousins and their off springs feel a sense of entitlement for having invested in your guy’s  future.


I agree. Americans do have a different mindset. I understand the bit about taking care of elderly parents. But as far as taking care of able bodied people, the American attitude is get a job. I know so many people in the US. who as adults got kicked out of their parents' home or asked to leave and they ended up being that much stronger in the long run.What I think can be hurtful is when a person gets used to getting regular help from someone and then as an adult in their 30s or 40s, the helper dies, gets married, loses job--whatever and all of a sudden that regular assistance is gone.

You still don’t get it.  “I got a job ” is not a commonly used phrase in Nigeria. If your guy had been living in Nigeria, after having graduated from a university with no job offers. He might be still living with his parents , relatives, siblings, friends -FOC – free of charge. Now do you think that these folks would not ask for anything in return if he landed a good paying job later?

I don’t know about your guy’s situation, but most people asking for help are in dire need of help. These folks are not lazy as you might think, but there are not enough jobs. Unemployment rate in the US hovers around 7percent and its giving your govt sleepless nights, but in Nigeria its about 40%. Caution for some foreign women wanting to get married to Nigerian men, talk about his financial responsibilities to his family. It’s either folks are underemployed or unemployed in most of these situations and you have to pay for everything- no food stamps, section 8, heating assistance, govt assistance. You are on your own in Nigeria. Also think that someone might have lost an entire life saving for helping your guy make it in life. Think of the persons who made his dreams  come true- which could also imply that without those forces - you would not have had  the bragging right to claim this dude as your man. In Nigeria, we believe that you should be kind to the people you see on your way up because you may likely meet them on your way down. In Nigeria, if you have an emergency situation, you don't call the police, but family, relatives and friends.

Myhusband is different in that sense. He never has to send money home as he comes from a very wealthy family. I was in Nigeria and have been relatively happy for the last five years with him. there are a huge amount of cultural differences, african women are very strong and can ensure anything, I think thats why some of their husbands take advantage of that. At the end of the day I imagine in five years time all these foreign wives on this forum won't even know where that current spouse is. I also think nigerian men go back home to roost as its better for them than western women. If you are a western woman and cook clean and TRY to be strong it will never be good enough. Nigerian men think they are kings, and no matter what, they should always be treated liek that. They marry their own as they will go out and work all the hours god sent them and then come home,cook, clean bath the kids, get them to bed then provide him with the best sex and even accept his cheating. Nigerian women are wonderful ladies and I fully understand why your brothers will choose you over oyinbo and akata.

Now I'm talking general here. I love my husband and treat him well, but at the end of the day he will leave me as I am not a nigerian woman. Even if I was, men will be men. Iwasnevertold by him that he would prefer a naija lady but out of practicality, its better for him. What Nigerian man wants a wife who drinks at home, once or twice a week, that doesnt attend church etc etc. Also a western woman will never be able to satisfy his palate.

My conclusion is that these inter cultural marriages wont work. For the white women with the big heads get the big head off ya cos you mean just a piece of paper.

leila,
I hope you are not insinuating a stereotype here. Why does he have to be married in Naija to send money?

@Leilah:You claim you love your husband,how can you love someone you dont trust,you say with authority that he will you know he will leave you someday,if you really believe that you should make the 1st move file for a divorce now(na beans?).
@nicola c:i really think the kind of advises leilah is giving you,if you listen to,will break your marriage.The fact that he came to nigeria to marry you shows he had nothing to hide(no naija wife).But i must tell you your husband has no shame,collecting money from you to give is family is shameless,and is alien to the nigerian culture.

Leilah, I have to disagree with you on this one. You're portraying Nigerian women as superwomen who happily cater to Nigerian men. But the ones I know wished they could get more help around the house and with the kids. And some view sex as another chore. Why? Well, maybe they're tired. The Nigerian women I know are happiest when their mother is visiting or if they have a helper/nanny living with them. I don't think Nigerian men married to foriegn women expect for us to be the same as Nigerian women or if they do those must be the marriages that don't work. Even women born to Nigerian parents who grew up in the Western world probably can never be the same as traditional Nigerian women. What I don't understand is why you can be married to a Nigerian man, but say Nigerian men always prefer Nigerian women. Have you split with your husband?

Thanks for seeing beyond Leilah's continual generalizations of Nigerian men and women.
It aggravates me to see people paint our men with one brush as though people are defined by their country of origin.
Not all Nigerian men cheat,not all of them refuse to help around the house
and definitely not all Nigerian women will accept a cheating husband.
I'm one of them.
Leilah is a woman that was abandoned by her first husband (by her own admission),so naturally she has a fear and anticipation that her second marriage may fail.
What makes her think her husband will leave her because she's Irish when he left millions of Nigerians to marry her ?
and even if he leaves (hope not) would that be because he's Nigerian?