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April22 (f)
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It was MY idea to have the wedding in Nigeria for family & financial reasons, his mum said she didnt want the money back but as she has nothing else i wanted to return it (she gave it to the drummers & band etc outside the ceremony). The camera was a gift but if she can use it to make money all the better! I do not have a problem with helping out once in a while however i don't feel it is my responsibility to contribute on a regular basis
I think it's kind of odd your husband's insisting on you sending money to his family. Be careful. I suggest your husband take you to Nigeria always. And try and get your finances resolved before you have children. Well he has been home twice without her!!!! he brought her there once to marry her. Ncola I hope it works out for ya, but ya just gotta watch yourself and don't end up pregnant!
I agree. It doesn't sound right for a man to regularly go back home without his wife. Aprill22@
I share your sentiments, but its also important you remember some of these relatives asking for money might have done one or two favors for your guy. Not being as appreciative as you might have wanted comes from the fact – maybe you guy was helped by uncles ,nephews, nieces and cousins and their off springs feel a sense of entitlement for having invested in your guy’s future.
You still don’t get it. “I got a job ” is not a commonly used phrase in Nigeria. If your guy had been living in Nigeria, after having graduated from a university with no job offers. He might be still living with his parents , relatives, siblings, friends -FOC – free of charge. Now do you think that these folks would not ask for anything in return if he landed a good paying job later?
Also think that someone might have lost an entire life saving for helping your guy make it in life. Think of the persons who made his dreams come true- which could also imply that without those forces - you would not have had the bragging right to claim this dude as your man. In Nigeria, we believe that you should be kind to the people you see on your way up because you may likely meet them on your way down. In Nigeria, if you have an emergency situation, you don't call the police, but family, relatives and friends.
You've given me some stuff to think about. One thing I have noticed is the person who did a favor or helped out in the past feels like they can influence how the recipient spends his (or her) money in the future. So even if the helpful relative is not strapped for cash, he may think the guy should help for example his cousin who's single and in her late 20s and wants help with the rent. I think on some level, I understand this is how things work with Nigerians, but you've really spelled it out here. I know a Nigerian once told me be careful you you accept help from because some people will hold it to you. I try to be very careful not to accept help when it's something I can pay for or something I can do. Knowing all this, I'll be even more careful or agree on a favor at the time to even the score so I'm not owing the person forever. I think of a gift as something the person chose to do for me--not to hang over my head, but if they went through their savings, that's a compellling argument right there. I think I favor trying to pay back as much as possible (or a %) but at some point feeling the debt was satisfied except I really think elderly parents are in a separate category altogether. On second thought what if someone was helped by a relative other than their parents when they were a child? Do they owe forever too? |
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April22 (f)
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Thanks for seeing beyond Leilah's continual generalizations of Nigerian men and women.
It aggravates me to see people paint our men with one brush as though people are defined by their country of origin.
Not all Nigerian men cheat,not all of them refuse to help around the house
and definitely not all Nigerian women will accept a cheating husband.
I'm one of them.
Leilah is a woman that was abandoned by her first husband (by her own admission),so naturally she has a fear and anticipation that her second marriage may fail.
What makes her think her husband will leave her because she's Irish when he left millions of Nigerians to marry her ?
and even if he leaves (hope not) would that be because he's Nigerian?
No problem! I think it's ok to be aware that everyone is not honest, but it's wrong to view all Nigerians as dishonest. That's pretty much what Leilah is doing. Nigerian women do have feelings. She must be missing in action when they put their men in check. I also have noticed in the US and UK unfortunately divorces are fairly common with Nigerian couples just like with every other culture. Some Nigerian women have the luxury of going to London to shop while their husband's working or are stay at home moms. And some are corporate women who pay someone to clean the house. |
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KarmaMod (f)
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Leilah is married to a VERY horrible person so Im not surprised she feels that way and she's quite right with her comment on Naija women taking more crap from our men compared to most women of other places. Why try to dismiss her cos she's pretty much telling the truth? As ugly as it might be. @Poster you seem to be obsessed with this nigerian men,in-law or their women topic,the reasons people always react to some of your post in a seemingly agressive manner is they sometimes sound petty,like the thread on why it was normal for yoruba women to date married men.
Are you minding the lunatic? |
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Sisi Jinx
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Leilah is married to a VERY horrible person so I'm not surprised she feels that way and she's quite right with her comment on Naija women taking more crap from our men compared to most women of other places. Why try to dismiss her because she's pretty much telling the truth? As ugly as it might be.
Thank you oh! I don't know why people are taking offense to Leilah's Nigerian women are superwomen compliment. . . Rotflmao!!  |
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LoveAlways (f)
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I agree. Americans do have a different mindset. I understand the bit about taking care of elderly parents. But as far as taking care of able bodied people, the American attitude is get a job. I know so many people in the US. who as adults got kicked out of their parents' home or asked to leave and they ended up being that much stronger in the long run.What I think can be hurtful is when a person gets used to getting regular help from someone and then as an adult in their 30s or 40s, the helper dies, gets married, loses job--whatever and all of a sudden that regular assistance is gone. Today in one of my classes, this very same topic came up. We had a huge discussion about foreigners working in America to send money to their families. After this discussion, my final conclusion is that in America most Americans are raised to be very individualistic and independent. Most American's believe in "self-preservation and doing for "self" first. Maybe there is a bit of "selflessness" in Nigerian culture, which I see nothing wrong with. But how can one really get ahead, if they are always supporting others? In America we have various philosophers pushing this "self-preservation" agenda. It is one where we do for ourselves and our immediate family first. Then if there is financial over-flow; we are able to give to others from the over-flow. But I think in the case of some Nigerian men, they are practically running on empty in America, yet and still; they give to family members in Nigeria. I think that some family members in Nigeria do not realize that even though there is money to be made in America, Americans have bills up the wazoo. Americans have car payments, mortgages/rent, gas, food, insurance payments and so on. Alot of middle class families in America currently live pay check to pay check. Some people aren't able to save and some are living off of their credit cards. The over-flow, just isn't there for alot of American families. |
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olaremint (m)
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@ all,my uncle in ireland sent me a sempron laptop, checked on the web, it cost 800 dollars,he is married to a naija lady and they have two kids overthere.my friend's brother has refused to send him any thing complaining things are not easy,he is in the states married to an african american, things are so difficult for him, he is shipping a jeep this december to naija,get my drift?
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prittigrrr (f)
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To my AA sisters and brothers married to Nigerians on this thread: How soon we forget. In times past, it was very, very common for AAs to move from the rural south to the industrialized north for the betterment of the entire family. When you left Mississippi for Chicago, you moved in with your relatives there and lived there until you got on your feet and got your own place. You sent your money home to your parents to take care of them and the younger siblings. You sent for you spouse when you had enough money toi do so. Everyone from your family came and moved in with you when they tried to make it "up north." After spending 30 or 40 years in the north, you returned "down south" to retire. Many times, you bought homes for your aging parents who were living in tar paper or wooden shacks, with no running water and ditches for the neighborhood sewer system. Many AA families are only 1 or 2 generations removed from these types of familial obligations. Why begrudge your spouse this opportunity to help his or her family? I do know of one poor lady here in the US who is working herself into an early grave due to the pull on her from home. She is working all the overtime she can and is doing hair on the side just to keep up with the family demands. The sending of money home also goes on in Caribbean cultures. Heck, I have friends from Caribbean countries where everyone is in this country, but they still are required to give money to the matriarch or patriarch of the family.
Also, I did not read the original post as negative. I believe the poster was merely opening up a discussion about others' experiences. However, let all beware. Each person and each situation is different. No one can say what is going on in your situation. Only you know that and only your spouse can tell you what his family responsiblities are. Please investigate these issues before marriage and make sure you all are in agreement. I am not married to my bf yet, so I have no problem with what he does with his money. Were we married, I believe he would make our family his top priority; however, I would never begrudge him assisting his family at home.
I also would like to point out that those of us from other countries and cultures should remember that it is easy for us to say "get a job" to those able bodied persons but we do not know the travails that many people may face in Nigeria. Unemployment is serious there and not like unemployment here.
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oraclefemi (m)
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It is a matter of personal opinion , no one can force me to send money ? i have my own life to live and anybody that can work and is not disabled cant get money from me except my mother and thats on basis of if i have extra to send. I live by budgets and once i am married ill reduce the way i dosh out money cause if u go broke they will scorn u and somehow they will survive without u.
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nicola c (f)
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My husband went home ONCE without me, i was invited but couldnt afford it as i had my own holidays booked. It was also his first time home in 8 years so i wanted him to have some proper time with his family & friends. On his next trip back i went back with him, met the family etc & got married there (on my suggestion). - i dont think he has another wife etc in Nigeria & if i thought he had or was going to run off & leave me i would never have married him in the 1st place! If i lived under the continous belief that my husband will leave me for a fellow nigerian then i´d drive myself nuts!! When I spoke to him again he siad i got it wrong & that he wasnt saying i should be sending cash but that i shouldnt complain if he does (its ok i know hes backtracking but i´ll make sure i get it in writing !!) |
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angelina08
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Yes foreign woman can stary with Nigerian man, if there is love, she can coop with our African foods.
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blackcat1
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To my AA sisters and brothers married to Nigerians on this thread: How soon we forget. In times past, it was very, very common for AAs to move from the rural south to the industrialized north for the betterment of the entire family. When you left Mississippi for Chicago, you moved in with your relatives there and lived there until you got on your feet and got your own place. You sent your money home to your parents to take care of them and the younger siblings. You sent for you spouse when you had enough money toi do so. Everyone from your family came and moved in with you when they tried to make it "up north." After spending 30 or 40 years in the north, you returned "down south" to retire. Many times, you bought homes for your aging parents who were living in tar paper or wooden shacks, with no running water and ditches for the neighborhood sewer system. Many AA families are only 1 or 2 generations removed from these types of familial obligations.
Well said |
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nicola c (f)
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Leilah - Why if you are so insistent that you husband will leave you (whether for a Nigerian woman or anyone else), why are you still with him??
Also why would the fact that he brought me to Nigeria to get married (like i keep saying it was my choice!) indicate that he is married?
Maybe if you clarify this a bit i may see your point of view, at the moment i can´t see your logic
Sorry
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blackchief (m)
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Hi,
I have been reading the thread with much intrest because the problem as stated on the page is a very common problem in Nigeria.
while i understand the problem the non Nigeria are facing with their Nigerian husb, the unfortunate true is that in any system with a failure pension system and high rate of unemployment, the problem of old parent and sibling depending on big brother (anybody that have a job)will become a common thing. (a case of a man with one eyes leading a blind community)
Failure of big brother to attend to this need may lead to sickness, crime and must time death of love ones.
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JJYOU
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the 30% is only for a 2 week period the APR is over 400%
It's definitely not a wise place to go.
sister nwando, what is payday loan? is that not salary advance from your employers? why would they charge you interest on what they would deduct at source? admin charges cant be more than 1% if they have to charge i think this leilah woman is the kind that will administer slow poison if you give her the chance. she is already showing signs of hatred and insecurity |
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April22 (f)
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To my AA sisters and brothers married to Nigerians on this thread: How soon we forget. In times past, it was very, very common for AAs to move from the rural south to the industrialized north for the betterment of the entire family. When you left Mississippi for Chicago, you moved in with your relatives there and lived there until you got on your feet and got your own place. You sent your money home to your parents to take care of them and the younger siblings. You sent for you spouse when you had enough money toi do so. Everyone from your family came and moved in with you when they tried to make it "up north." After spending 30 or 40 years in the north, you returned "down south" to retire. Many times, you bought homes for your aging parents who were living in tar paper or wooden shacks, with no running water and ditches for the neighborhood sewer system. Many AA families are only 1 or 2 generations removed from these types of familial obligations. Why begrudge your spouse this opportunity to help his or her family? I do know of one poor lady here in the US who is working herself into an early grave due to the pull on her from home. She is working all the overtime she can and is doing hair on the side just to keep up with the family demands. The sending of money home also goes on in Caribbean cultures. Heck, I have friends from Caribbean countries where everyone is in this country, but they still are required to give money to the matriarch or patriarch of the family.
Also, I did not read the original post as negative. I believe the poster was merely opening up a discussion about others' experiences. However, let all beware. Each person and each situation is different. No one can say what is going on in your situation. Only you know that and only your spouse can tell you what his family responsiblities are. Please investigate these issues before marriage and make sure you all are in agreement. I am not married to my boyfriend yet, so I have no problem with what he does with his money. Were we married, I believe he would make our family his top priority; however, I would never begrudge him assisting his family at home.
I also would like to point out that those of us from other countries and cultures should remember that it is easy for us to say "get a job" to those able bodied persons but we do not know the travails that many people may face in Nigeria. Unemployment is serious there and not like unemployment here.
I think what's happened is AAs are much more integrated and dare I say Americanized than we were decades ago. Back in the day, AA women had 7, 8 or 10 children and some even had as many as 13. Now most of us are having at the most 3 children. I have noticed AAs who come from poor backgrounds who are able to leave the ghetto or poor rural area oftentimes help out other family members and it's very common for AAs on every income level to be raising their grandchildren or sometimes nieces or nephews. Children and elderly people are usually the exceptions to the rule. Other than that, the "I used to give my family money, but got fed up" story is very, very common. I agree with what you say here. The point I'm trying to make is this is something to discuss in depth and soul search before getting married or going further in a serious relationship. I think we have a tendency to talk about America as if we're outsiders sometimes, but the truth is we are part of the fabric and in many ways think the same way as white Americans. What I have noticed with West Indians is the ones who have been over here for a long time or who were born here have similar attitudes about money. Usually they spend the most taking care of family when people are coming over and getting situated. Something else I've noticed is some Nigerians in the US and UK who want to be supported by family as they would at home. I think that's different than a relative who is unable to come to the US and has no job opportunities. But the bottomline is the standard of living in the US, UK and everywhere else in the Western world is high, so if a person chooses to support too many people they may have to do without in some areas like retirement and college savings or even some basic stuff. I've heard of some people whose children have to give up their room when company comes over. There are no easy answers here but cultural differences. Of course the truly, truly rich people in Nigeria don't have these issues. |
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April22 (f)
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sister nwando, what is payday loan? is that not salary advance from your employers? why would they charge you interest on what they would deduct at source? admin charges can't be more than 1% if they have to charge
i think this leilah woman is the kind that will administer slow poison if you give her the chance. she is already showing signs of hatred and insecurity
No payday loans are predatory. They're not issued by employers here in the US. Loan companies will charge 300% or more interest. If anyone on here has taken a payday loan, I advise you to see a lawyer or your local representative/senator because some of those fees they charge are more than what the laws of your state allow. |
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JJYOU
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No payday loans are predatory. They're not issued by employers here in the US. Loan companies will charge 300% or more interest. If anyone on here has taken a payday loan, I advise you to see a lawyer or your local representative/senator because some of those fees they charge are more than what the laws of your state allow.
payday loans not issued by companies. mmmm God help us. why cant people learn to live on what they earn? payday loan indeed. not salary advance |
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prittigrrr (f)
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Regarding the payday loans:
Each state is different but in my state (Tennessee), the lenders get around the laws against usury (excessive interest) by having you sign a check and they hold the check until the due date. You come in on the day they are to cash the check, retrieve your check and then have you write a new check. Each loan is technically a "new" loan and therefore they are not charging excessive interest. It is shameful and perfectly legal in my state. There is nothing a lawyer can do about it. You need to bug your state representatives and get them to push for reform.
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KarmaMod (f)
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i think this leilah woman is the kind that will administer slow poison if you give her the chance. she is already showing signs of hatred and insecurity
You obviously don't know her story. If she had any self esteem she should have poisoned/shot that wretched husband of hers years ago |
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skillmyman (m)
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Nice thread here! Nigerians are very very kind people and like we say here, 'blood is thicker than water'. Nigerians will do anything to support there brother or sister. have u heard of a lady that went into prostitution so as to be able to send her siblings to skool? Nigerians give sacrificially!! Most people that travel abroad were sent by community effort!!! A lot of people sacrificed for them to get there! some even sell stuffs!!! So when the guy knows the kind of sacrifice the people back home made, he is always quick to reason and be emotional about their demands!! If the community did not support him to go, u would not have met him in the first place!! LOL! so thank the community |
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JustGood (m)
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Most of the foreign women who moan about this or who feel they dont want their husbands helping his siblings or even parents should go and marry their own type.
Na by force? haba
leilah, make you carry ya yeye frustrations go another place biko. I wonder what you're doing with a Nigerian man in spite of everything you have to say about Nigerian men. Are there no white men in Dublin again?
I am beginning to get angry over your nonsense. There are millions of white men in Ireland and you chose to marry a Nigerian as your second husband yet you claim that white men are better. . . or is it the case that you hate yourself so much that you will only pick bad things and bad men for yourself.
you seem to be a Were Alaso. Please dont forget to take your medication
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adconline (m)
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Aprill22
You've given me some stuff to think about. One thing I have noticed is the person who did a favor or helped out in the past feels like they can influence how the recipient spends his (or her) money in the future. So even if the helpful relative is not strapped for cash, he may think the guy should help for example his cousin who's single and in her late 20s and wants help with the rent.
Maybe the cousin in 20s is in college- students in Nigeria don’t usually work. They depend on help from siblings. Student loans are not available either. Also, Nigeria university curriculum is not flexible i.e if you are studying accounting, you must graduate with your class in a 4 year strictly structured system. The school stipulates how many courses to take every semester, which are always more than 15credit hours. If you get admitted to major in a program, your dept sets the course structure, workload, and credit hours. Students are not at liberty to choose and drop classes. This makes it very difficult to juggle school with work. Strapped for cash is relative and Nigerians don’t rationalize that way. For instance if you are telling a relative that the reason why you may not help them is because you are making a car payment, they would reason I am about to be dropped from college for non payment of tuition fee or my doctors have refused treatment (they refuse treatment in Nigeria for not having money) and you are talking about cars. Maybe the person who helped you did forgo a car in order to see everybody through, now you are talking about car payment.
I think on some level, I understand this is how things work with Nigerians, but you've really spelled it out here. I know a Nigerian once told me be careful you you accept help from because some people will hold it to you. I try to be very careful not to accept help when it's something I can pay for or something I can do. Knowing all this, I'll be even more careful or agree on a favor at the time to even the score so I'm not owing the person forever. I think of a gift as something the person chose to do for me--not to hang over my head, but if they went through their savings, that's a compellling argument right there. I think I favor trying to pay back as much as possible (or a %) but at some point feeling the debt was satisfied except I really think elderly parents are in a separate category altogether.
How can you pay back when you don’t have any source of income? How can you refuse help simply because the person offering to help may or may not need something in return later. Its like you refusing to accept anything from your guy initially - simply because he may want something in return. Humans are economic beings so returns are always associated with help. Let me make it clear most Nigerians don’t help because they expect something in return, but as result of love for their loved ones -maybe to break the circle of feeding from hand to mouth in their families. It also behooves us to help without seeking for anything in return.
On second thought what if someone was helped by a relative other than their parents when they were a child? Do they owe forever too?
I know of a friend who put his life on hold for his brother. My friend got accepted into a medical school in Nigeria and his younger brother got admission to study abroad. His parents had to ask him to forgo his med school so that they could raise enough money for his brother's study oversea. Bear in mind that it’s much difficult to get into med school in Nigeria than getting into Harvard. Now this guy sacrificed his future for his younger brother, do you think that this guy would be overly gracious if he ever needed some favors from his younger brother- "I got your back and you gotta get mine’’ is unspoken gentleman agreement here.
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JustGood (m)
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@ adconline,
I admire your patience in explaining such easy to understand things to these self centred women who still wont go and find their own men.
If every Nigerian had the attitude they are advocating that those men should have, those men would never have met these kind of selfish women. Some of them will probably be selling @ ojuelegba or alaba market.
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Leilah (f)
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I never said that I wanted a white man. I love my husband dearly. He does not go anywhere without me. Justgood, my question is why are most Nigerian men never happy with white women? most of these marriages won't last. I DO want mine to last. There are a huge amount of cultural differences. @Nicola, you went to Nigeria once, you also got married on that occasion. However, he didn't bring you down again after that.
Just becuase my personal observations sound harsh remember this is reality. I went to a physcologist today and explained my inner feelings, I always feel like I'll never be able to please a Nigerian man. Its not that I don't love him, its because I love him too much and then I often panic. I have explained this to him but what can he say to me? he has reassured me that he is fine with me.
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adconline (m)
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Leila,`
U have some issues you need to deal with before putting every Nigerian man in the same box. You should seek phobia therapy. You need to be brought in contact with the thing you dread most. I think one of the reasons you are married is because you see marriage an accomplishment just like getting a college degree not as a fulfillment. That's why you are too insecure about your husband. You issues go beyond your current husband. I think you believe that you need a man in order to feel accomplished. I think you want a man but don’t need a man. You need draw a distinction between living an accomplished lifestyle and a fulfilled lifestyle.
Good luck
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LadyT (f)
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Leila I find it hard sometimes to believe you are real!
And Im worried for you. I will never forget that awful topic about anal sex you posted.
You seem to be doing so much to please your husband but you are not happy. Forget his race and culture hes a man at the end of the day. It shouldnt be this hard for you.
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Leilah (f)
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yeah, I agree, but the problem is I am so happy and love him so much that I'm terrified and live in fear of one day he might leaveme as I was born in Europe and am no angel.
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adconline (m)
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What can you not do for yourself that your husband does that would be very devastating if he leaves? Time to start getting prepared. The reason why he may leave is that you sound hyper insecure and clingy. No Naija man wants a clingy woman.
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April22 (f)
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Aprill22
How can you pay back when you don’t have any source of income? How can you refuse help simply because the person offering to help may or may not need something in return later. Its like you refusing to accept anything from your guy initially - simply because he may want something in return. Humans are economic beings so returns are always associated with help. Let me make it clear most Nigerians don’t help because they expect something in return, but as result of love for their loved ones -maybe to break the circle of feeding from hand to mouth in their families. It also behooves us to help without seeking for anything in return.
On second thought what if someone was helped by a relative other than their parents when they were a child? Do they owe forever too?
I know of a friend who put his life on hold for his brother. My friend got accepted into a medical school in Nigeria and his younger brother got admission to study abroad. His parents had to ask him to forgo his med school so that they could raise enough money for his brother's study oversea. Bear in mind that it’s much difficult to get into med school in Nigeria than getting into Harvard. Now this guy sacrificed his future for his younger brother, do you think that this guy would be overly gracious if he ever needed some favors from his younger brother- "I got your back and you gotta get mine’’ is unspoken gentleman agreement here.
But according to what people are saying in this thread, the expectation is if one relative helps another, the helper expects something in return--like an investment. I'm not sure if a child or young adult (under 21) can "decide" that kind of responsibility. But as I've said a zillion times, I'm looking at this from an American perspective. About your friend who passed on medical school for his brother to school abroad, I'm guessing at some level, he must feel some resentment. How can his brother come close to making up for him not going to med school? That's pretty deep to think about. Maybe this is why some people (luckily not my hubby!) get very, very angry and throw a fit about how they did XYZ for a person.
I've known some West Indian-Americans (born in America) and AAs asked to do similar stuff like forego college to take care of a family member who didn't head the elder and went to college or left the family business--whatever the case was. There are AA parents and grandparents out there who want their children to live together as adults, but almost all don't entertain it. So, apparently the difference in culture is Americans put self first which means if your parents or siblings are asking you to do something that's not good for you, you turn them down. I don't think it's a matter of one culture being better or worse. It's really a different mindset. |
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April22 (f)
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Nice thread here! Nigerians are very very kind people and like we say here, 'blood is thicker than water'. Nigerians will do anything to support there brother or sister. have u heard of a lady that went into prostitution so as to be able to send her siblings to school? Nigerians give sacrificially!! Most people that travel abroad were sent by community effort!!! A lot of people sacrificed for them to get there! some even sell stuffs!!! So when the guy knows the kind of sacrifice the people back home made, he is always quick to reason and be emotional about their demands!! If the community did not support him to go, u would not have met him in the first place!! LOL! so thank the community So you think it's good this woman became a prostitute to support her siblings? And that's what you call sacrificing?  LOL. If blood is thicker than water and the wife is not family, why bother getting married? Is marriage in your mind just for having children? am I to believe that Nigerians who are done having children, don't want children or can't have children do not marry for companionship? I'm beginning to understand why some Nigerians oppose Nigerian men marrying foreign women. But the difference in outlook could also apply to Nigerian-American and Nigerian-Brits who were born and raised abroad. I'm also wondering if Nigerians who marry foreigners do so to distance themselves from their culture and family's way of doing things or if that's something that happens because their family doesn't agree with not being viewed/treated the same way. |
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blacklion (m)
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April22,
Despite all the efforts by adcon and a bunch of others to carefully explain to you why Nigerians abroad have to send money to relatives, you keep banging on with "But as far as taking care of able bodied people, the American attitude is get a job."
Just goes to show how much you know about Nigeria. FYI, even burger flippin jobs are hard to come by in Nigeria. Most people after graduating from high school or college need financial support from relatives for a few months/years until they can find their feet. Young people need support from relatives in Nigeria not because they are lazy or won't work but as a temporary, transitional measure until they can find work or set up a business. As for the middle aged and elder folk, in a society with no social security, MEDICAID, welfare benefits etc, extended family support is the only way out.
"I know so many people in the US. who as adults got kicked out of their parents' home or asked to leave and they ended up being that much stronger in the long run."
By the special grace of almighty God, this particular abhorrent American cultural practice you laud here will NEVER take root in Nigeria. Its just not in our culture.
At the end of the day, cultures are different. If you can't deal with it, simply avoid. If the Nigerian culture of assisting relatives is such a big problem to you, why on earth did you marry a Nigerian man? Were you forced to marry him? Or there was nothing else available? Or your AA brothers wouldn't have you?
Its not too late. You can always divorce your naija husband and marry an AA man who won't send money to any relatives or house visiting relatives for 6 months.
Abegi, make we hear word!
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blacklion (m)
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I don't know we keep having all these foreign women marry Nigerian men only to come online to whine. Were you forced to marry him at gunpoint?
If you're not happy with Nigerian men/culture, there is a way out called divorce. It makes you free to marry a man from your own race/culture with whom you will be more compatible.
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