God's Errand Girl: A Story

Miss Princess Bella woke up one fine morning after a good night’s rest.

Princess:  Ahhhh.  I haven’t slept this well in weeks.

After a hearty yawn, she got of her bed and did a little booty dance.

Princess:  (singing) Secondary school exams, goodbye!  University entrance exam, goodbye!  College, welcome!

A boy’s voice interrupted her.

Boy:  Finally, you’re awake!

Bella, startled, turned to face the child.  He was wearing an all-white suit with matching shoes and a tie, and standing at attention beside her bed.

Princess:  Who are you and what are you doing here?

Princess got off her bed to search for her mother.

Princess:  Where’s my mum? Did she let you in?  Where’s your mum?

Boy:  Little girl, please let me talk.

The child started shaking.

Boy: I am General Chacka-chacka of the 66th angelic division.

Princess: Wait a minute.  Who are you calling little girl?!

The boy stopped shaking.

Boy:  Girl, I’m an angel of the Most High, sent by him to deliver a message to you.

Princess:  YOU are an angel of the most high?

Boy:  Yes.

Princess:  And I’m a LITTLE girl?

Child:  Yes.

Princess:  Get out before I open my eyes. 1, 2, 3, out!!

The little boy closed his eyes and began to shake.

Princess:  (thinking) now he’s shaking?  Whose child is this anyway?

Child: Thus says the Most High, “Miss Bella, because you have doubted my messenger and asked him to leave your abode, a mysterious bird is going to poop on your head in ten seconds”

She smiled.

Princess:  Kid, I’ll have to admit one thing.  You’re quite amusing.  Ok, let me humor you.

Princess poked her head out of the window in her room.  Immediately, a copious amount of bird droppings landed ‘splat’ on her forehead, in her hair, and on her neck.

Princess:  Eek!  Bird droppings on my head and neck!  (pause to touch hair)  Eek!  It’s also in my hair!

Child:  The Most High says, “serves you right!” (pause) Ok, maybe he didn’t exactly say that, but it’s true.

Princess:  What a day!

Princess rushed outside to get some water to clean her face and hair.   Eek!

Princess:  You’re Chacka-chacka, right?  (thinking)  What a ridiculous name!

The child hushed her then looked left, right, and outside.  Whispering, he said:

Child:  I hate that name as much as you do but the Most High insisted on it.  As long as we’re here on earth, please call me Ceecee.

At this point, a bolt of lightening came from the sky to strike the angel-child.

Voice From The Sky:  Hypocrite!  You should have told me you hated the name!

Ceecee was shaken up, but wasn’t damaged at all by the lightening.  Princess dropped to her knees in shock.

Princess:  First, the bird poop and now a bolt of lightening.  Could this brat really be an angel?

Princess gave her full attention to the little angel.

Princess:  Little boy.  What is the message the Most High asked you to deliver to me?

Ceecee:  (turning away rebelliously) Well, I don’t know.

Princess was surprised.

Princess: What?

She angrily held him by the collar:

Princess:  Is this all a sick joke?

Ceecee:  Calm down.  The thing is, I can only speak for the Most High when the power falls on me.

 Princess:  Seriously?

Ceecee:  Yes.  We’ll just have to wait for the power to fall again.  You’re the one who interrupted the first instance!

Princess:  So (pause) you don’t remember the message at all?  You don’t know why you are here?

Ceecee: Nope.

Princess:  (thinking) This makes no sense, but I’ll play along for now.

Princess picked up a bucket, large towel, soap, toothbrush, and started leaving the room.

Princess:  Mr. Bird Poop, I’m going to take my bath right now for obvious reasons.

Ceecee: A bath?  The closest river to this place is (he closed, then opened his eyes) 3 days away by human standards.  I guess I’ll have to go with you so you can get your message.

Princess:

Ceecee:  Off we go!

Princess:  (holding him back)  You’re not going anywhere.  Stay right here!

Ceecee:  Is this an order?

Princess:  Yes!

Ceecee:  (resigned) If that’s the case, then I have no choice.

Then as she started walking away, Ceecee threw an object towards her.

Ceecee:  Catch this!

Unfortunately, she missed it and it fell into her bucket of water.

Princess:  What’s that?

Ceecee:  It’s a special heavenly substance that glows when the power falls on me.  You should run back to this room when it starts glowing to receive your special message from the Most High.

Princess:  (thinking)  An angel from the Most High in the form of a kid is in my room?  It might be a dream.

She slapped herself to make sure it wasn’t a dream.

Princess: Ouch!!  (thinking) so it’s not a dream, then.

She left the room to take her bath and locked the door after her.  Securely.

After her bath, Princess wrapped her towel around herself and started walking slowly towards her room.  Then, her body suddenly started glowing.  Light from her body illuminated the entire veranda of her apartment.  Shocked, she ran quickly back into her room.   As she walked into her room, Ceecee was shaking as before, about to finish delivering his message.

Ceecee: … and you shall be known as God’s ERRAND GIRL!

Princess: What? (pause) And more importantly, why was my body glowing just now.

Ceecee:  It seems you’ve got my Divine Message Detector Substance all over your body.

Princess:  Eek!  When will it wear off?

Ceecee:  Don’t be ridiculous.  Divine substances don’t wear off.

Princess:  You should have told me this before I got it all over my body.

Ceecee:  You said you were going for a bath.  I didn’t know you were planning to pour that water on your body.  Why did you do that anyway?

Princess: ??

Ceecee:  Where I come from, when you want to take a bath you just go into the great river and all your impurities and infirmities are washed away.

Princess:  (thinking) I see.  So this little brat doesn’t know anything about how the world works.

Princess:  Never mind that.  How can I get this glowy substance off my body?

Ceecee:  You can just wash it off.

Princess:  Shish, why didn’t I think of that before?  Ok, I’ll be right back!

Princess rushed out to get the embarrassing substance off her body.  She sped towards a well to get some water, and then went back to the bathroom to wash her body.  As she washed, the substance started glowing once more.  So she struggled to wash it quickly off her body.  She had barely finished wrapping her towel around her body when the door to her bathroom swung open.  Dozens of concerned onlookers had noticed the glow and were concerned about it.

Female Neighbors:  Princess, why is the water glowing like that?

Princess: (thinking) Oh dear. I can’t lie because this is a divine matter.  I don’t want to be whacked by lightening like Ceecee!  It’s best to keep quiet.  I wish this glowing would just stop.

Immediately she expressed that wish, the glowing stopped!

Princess:  [“Thank goodness”] What glowing water are you talking about?

The neighbors dispersed amidst loud murmuring.  “But I saw the glow”  “Are you sure it was a glow?”  “Maybe it was our imagination?”  “Maybe it was some sort of trick, considering the way it suddenly disappeared”.

Princess returned once more to her room.

Princess: Ok, little guy, what was the glowing about this time?

Ceecee:  That was heaven’s third and final attempt to transmit the message I was sent to deliver.  You missed it!

Linda fell to her bed, thinking, “this is terrible”.

Princess:  The only information I have is that I’m going to be “God’s Errand Girl”.  I don’t know the details, but it’s obvious that messages will be sent to me occasionally telling me what to do.  All right, I’ll just have to wait for them.

Princess.  Ceecee, you can go now.  I need some privacy.  I want to do some thinking.

Ceecee:  All right, Princess girl.  Bye!

Princess watched her little friend as he ascended upwards through the ceiling of her room.  Higher, higher he went until Princess could see him no more.  So she relaxed on her bed.  Suddenly, Ceecee fell on top of her!

Princess:  What are you doing on top of me, kid!!

Ceecee hurriedly got off her.

Ceecee:  I was thrown out.  Apparently, I have not completed my mission yet.

Princess: (thinking) Just as I thought.  This kid is going to be my guide to the wonderful world of miracles.

Ceecee:  Please stop calling me a kid.

Princess:  But (pause) I didn’t say anything!

Ceecee:  But you’re thinking it.  That’s bad enough!

Princess:  So you can read my thoughts? (thinking) oh no, he’s going to know when I’m thinking about boys!

Ceecee:  (mischievously) Boys, eh?  Come on, reveal those thoughts to me!

Ceecee: (thinking) This is so cool.  She doesn’t know that she can consciously hide her thought from me.

Princess:  Can you read my thoughts if I consciously try to hide them from you?

Ceecee:  Wait a minute, can YOU also read my thoughts?  That can only mean one thing.

Princess:  What?

Ceecee:  That I’ve been chosen as your guide in your new mission as…

Ceecee and Princess:  A Divine Errand Girl!

Princess pulled Ceecee towards herself.

Princess:  You know what?  (grinning girlishly).  I think I’m beginning to like you, kiddo.

Ceecee:  Eww, you’re suggesting child abuse?  I’m thousands of years old and you’re just a teenager!

Princess just laughed as she patted his head.

Princess:  You’re alright, boy. You’re alright.  (pause) Phew, what a day!

which is the Princess's real name, Bella or Linda?
and please continue

I know, u referred to her as Linda here;

After her bath, Linda wrapped her towel around herself and started walking slowly towards her room.  Then, her body suddenly started glowing.  Light from her body illuminated the entire veranda of her apartment.  Shocked[/b]

Me likey, me really Likey.

SEUN,your story dey too much for this site,according to tinard sheee, them dey pay you?

Guys and girls, thanks so much for the encouragement.

I'm going to make money by self-publishing a photocomic based on the story.  I hope you'll buy it.

I'm planning to modify certain aspects of the story to make it more suitable for deeply religious readers.

I'm also abandoning my desire to make the series equally enjoyable for ladies and men. After some research, I've concluded that this can't work since I'm male. Instead I'll focus on action and humor.

I must admit i'm not really feeling this story, there is no distinct difference between both characters the boy is supposed to be an angel but all i keep seeing in him is an everyday kid.
I was expecting more formality from him, use of a particular segment of words used by only the heavenly bodies more respect you know anything to make him seem out of this world and unusual and he is not actually supposed to question his name given by God, angels don't have free will.
And the part about taking baths in the river we(readers) realised that he doesn't know much about earth but in the last few lines he showed a lot of knowledge about earth and how filthy child abuse can be also for also for a thousand year old angel who has probably done this job a thousand times he is very incompetent and not good at delivering messages.

Also Please tell me the part where God strikes the kid is supposed to be intended humour, just knowing that the all-knowing was not aware that his angel did not like the name assigned to him is very 

Naturally as a reader i like something that really stimulates my intellect, but i think you went into overdrive when you went into fantasy land. The theme of this story is not very obvious and the aim to be achieved is not clear.

I'm sorry that after you making three re-writes i still find the story incomplete. I'm guessing that after what i've written you are not going to like me very much but i really need you to end your last story Najarita or at least give a summary and since you are possibly hating me take your time but don't take it too much cause then i'll be the one who is angry.
I just see a lot more future for that story. Or it could just be my personal opinion.

Ps
You could actually make this story very funny and action packed, i just don't think you are going about it the rightway       

Seun,

Damsal just expressed my reservations about some certain faiths taken an exception to using important characters in their faith for a comic strip. Especially your depiction of "God" as someone who did not even know his "angel" did not like his name.
I'm sure you would never have tried to paint Mohammed and Allah in the same light!


No they do not have freewill!

The goal should be to write a story that is uniquely urs not trying to achieve the kind of popularity that mrmayor achieved with his own. Literary styles are different that is why Soyinka and Achebe would never write stories the same way.
The goal IMO should be to write a good story and not to make it "ridiculously funny", if your focus is on that you wont get anywhere at the end of the day, write in your own style, if its funny fine if its not, you just can't help it.

i kindd@ like the story.

the story or the 'angel" is some how anti-xtian cuzz an angel wont question God like that and even be arrogant in the way he speaks.

Seun,
i prefer 100X the earlier story, the last one you just posted reads more like what a high school student would write as a class essay. Modern writers have moved beyond the stale good guy-bad guy story line.

Are you going to base your write up on the seeming popularity of harry porter? The book was written for children, is that your target group?
The popularity of that book is also partly based on where it was written, in this case the UK! Your book isnt likely to get that far, at least not at the early stages.

Na wa o. You people are getting a free story but u still de complain. I can't see any of you guys writing a story half as good. Even the simpsons sometimes has good and bad story lines but people still dey watch am no be so. Please make una write your own story while we analyse it. The najarita story was meant to be the intelligent one this explains lines line a successful business man and a jambite but at the same time explaining how nigerians live i.e. an uneducated poor single mother living in a face me face u esatate with her only child.

This story however is inline with a girl who's possibly having a vision. And angels do have a freewill read your bibles well and you'll find out they have just a little less freewill than we have. Interaction between God and human has to be done through an angel as GOD's voice is too powerful for us. GOD sends the angels out frequently so sometimes incompetent angels such as the one in the story can be utilised  which explains why he came as a child 4gets message and is incredibly stupid.

There's also no way you can analyse a story without reading the full story which is why I'm appealing to SEUN to please finish at least one of the stories before starting another one as you stated earlier. Also Seun as some of the nairalanders seem to be incredibly thick, explain the purpose of each story before you start because even the ones who wants to be critics are 

This story was compared to the simpsons because of the comical nature of it whilst the najarita story was compred to a soap because of the serial nature of the story. It can be expanded to make at least two series if you can be bothered to FINISH THE DAMN STORY.

To all the haters, write your own stories , IF YOU DARE

Okay tinard I find your comment highly insulting, no one ever said the story was bad *you might want to read back through the past comments* what has been said were that the story was incomplete and i made particular emphasis on the fact that Seun had not done his reaserch well so if you are going to make this personal i'll advice you have a good reason to do so . And sweetie don't bring the Simpsons into this, it's gone far .
Seun also said that the inspiration for his story was dragonball Z a cartoon i hate with a passion whenever my brothers watch it, i find nothing amusing about it except the fighting and so it is not surprising that i'm not taken by Seun's story.


Okay now this comment you took one step to far, if you've read very good stories such as catherine cookson, Joan collins, Arundhati Roy "God of small things" and that dude who writes crime books can't remember his name right now, you'll realise that right from the first ten lines you are given an insight into the story. This can not be compared to that cause it's not even a story, it's a erm script like thingy and so that was why i needed to know the aim of the story.

And about your last line Haters?? sweetie think again. If i'm to buy this story/comic it better be worth it. I'm just raising comments on which i personally believe can be better, I'm not hating on the guy if he wants his story to be great then he has to listen to potential customers views. And if u think it's hating then clearly you are not one to listen to advice when it's given to u.       

 

Damsal why the hostility looks like you were the one who  took it personal. All i said was to stop attacking Seun. If i offended you sorry oooooooooo

I never quarrel with fine girls you never know when you want chat one up in reality. Seun abeg continue

that is an extraordinary one seun
please finish it up
cudnt do sumtin else till  i finished reading