Nigerian Men, Sex And Affairs: Non-nigerian Women Speak

in Germany I heared many many many lies from Nigerian men (an not only from them , LOL) american men are not a bit better,but african men have different reasons to lie.

You never know if they want this Germanlady for love or for papers,so I came to the conclusion,I will be very careful with all of them.

time will tell what a man want REALLY from a woman.if he just want the papers,he will dissapear soon because I don't offer marriage.I am not a silly young girl who get pregnant for a man nor will I believe when he tells me after 2 days he LOVES me, I know better than that.

love has to grow.and not happening from one minute to the other.and only a very patient men will catch my heart,after he SHOWED me he loves me  in more than one way.

Tukur2002n

I am not sure if you were speaking to Emeka or GNature or myself. 

I am educated I know the defintions of words or if I don't' know it I know where to look.

Please speak English, I don't know how to read your native language.

Many Thanks.

I agree with TeshaS ! exept the "I love yous",that is said so often to catch a womans heart to get married for papers LOL.but afterwards no more I love yous.sad but true.

my experience with many nigerian men in germany is the very same.and I have female friends they can tell you exact the same stories.

many or shall I say most (of course not all)are not romantic, no roses, no I love yous, no going out their way to please you.  They lack affection.  

those american men I know are the total opposite of that.no they are not using my money to buy flowers or to be romantic.they have their own money because they are in the military here.

the difference is the UPBRINGING,where a man grew up.

did he see his father is romancing his mother? does african men give flowers to romance?most african men think it is a waste of money,it's too hot for flowers,they will be wasted soon ,so why buy them? well  - to ROMANCE your woman  - dammit  

but like I have said  - it's the way the grow up so DIFFERENT,so who is to blame?

so TeshaS I can feel you on so many things and I agree with you,communication is the key.

those "knuckleheads" (in a funny way,no offence please) just don't know better.they got to be teached to ROMANCE  

@ Tucur

I agree with you also.  

romance doesn't mean to buy roses for the lady in an african man's view.you are absolutely right.

women from other countries forget about that or are not aware of those things.

that is the reason why I am here on Nairaland.I want to UNDERSTAND and I want to see the differences to make me understand my nigerina man in the future.so I won't be upset with him because he never bring me flowers.

but on the other hand,I will tell him about the flower thing and I'll  teach him the other things too he never knew about ,so I am happy ,because  he'll shows he is learning about my culture and bring flowers every now and then to make his woman happy  

same goes the other way around,he was very happy to see that I am interested in HIS culture.

I can learn what makes HIM happy also.

I know romance is not important to all.  But women for the most are drawn to romance.

I have 3 sons and I want them to know how to romance a woman.  If I had 3 daughters I would prepare her to be a wife.

Romance for a woman is to feel wanted (not NEEDED) to feel sexy and beautiful.  Its a special touch or a pet name.  I candle light dinner and yes soft music.  If you don't like flowers (MEN  ) women do, or chocolate.  If they are watching their weight.  I few Hershey's Kisses,   A new CD.  A stuffed animal.

I try to explain to my husband it is the little things that count.  Mail your husband and I love you card.  Send it from work or where ever.  Keep the romance alive.  It is hard but it is worth it.

The bottom line is we all want to be experience love and romance at some degree.  

I want my kids to see it with their parents.  Believe it or not, my husband seems to think being romantic is being soft.

Well, he used to think that way.  He is really enjoying the reaping of benefits from being romantic.  

@germanlady- I get your drift and I agree with you. Basically it takes two to tango. No matter how hard the tango is. Relationships are not a one-way street. Now, point is - if only some men (and women) could get that into their brains we probably wouldnt be sat here spilling our guts out. It gets to the point where you think ' sod it, what's the point?',

Mizkay


I can no longer count the horror stories I've encounter about Nigerian men.  Most of which were provided by AA women.  I've been told by some many AA women, I'LL pray for you, or you are too nice for him, or I don't know how you do it.

OR

He is going leave you and them boys, or when is his Nigerian sister, I meant wife coming to America.

I often get discourage when things are going bad.  But we keep fighting to make it work.

I said all that, to say this.  Not all Nigerian men are liars, scams, etc.  Who knows your true love maybe a Nigerian man.


Most of my girlfriends SWEAR to their maker they won't marry Nigerians.  It is sad but the scam artist and paper seekers have made it that way.  I live in Maryland, I'm not sure about other locations.

Mizkay

You are telling the truth.  Don't lie, give a girl the option as if she wants to deal with you and all the drama.

These men would be suprised that women (with low self-esteem) are taking men under all sorts of crazy conditions these days, married, gay, broke, abusive.   

Ladies RESPECT yourself, 

To me it's a matter of N men it's a matter of fear of God. No matter where ever d man is from if he's not a God fearing type there will always be problem which is mostly cases like this.
the basic truth is that the fear of God has disappeared from the heart of majority of people both men and women. I'm a nigerian man and i'm not going to talk about whether all nigerian man are like that.

but my advice for is if you are looking for a man, don't look for just any man. search a God fearing man and if you very much interested in nigerian men still look for God fearing one because it's only a God fearing man that will love you and marry you without even cheating on on you.

so becareful if you're searchin and pray to God for guidiance because he's the found of marriage.
I think with that u will not have any problem.
good luck

lord have mercy !!!

I would never ever marry a man I cannot have sex with before marriage.

these days who wants to buy the cat in the sack?

sorry but in my world we see things a bit different.

most african people put God more into their lifes than we (europeans) its a big difference in viewing things if you put God aside.

I am more spiritual and not religious.

I do what I feel is good for me to still respect myself.

to each his/her own.

what if a woman marry a man and they won't fit in the sexual livepart?

lovemaking is very important in marriages or relationships,because that will keep the man HOME .

@ germanylady "nna" you will be very hot ooo!!!!!. this is really intresting

I want to agree with you on the ground of past xperience which a friend share with me that he marries his wife as a born again without sex before marriage but the honest truth is he is not enjoying sex with her like he thought it should be.
he refer to an instance where he ask his wife for sex after about 2 to 3 month and she was giving excuses by carrying her child who was asleep already on her laps. .
infact if the bros no be born again he for don dey commit adultery outside you know.
had it been he have the opportunity of sampling her he would have discovered this before now.

Boys will be boys irrespective of race and culture, People also respond to situations in which they find themselves, , Tesh, I'm happy for you and your Nman ,but for the rest of the ladies, whether in Naija or in the diaspora, Its always best to have your head firmly screwed on to your shoulders before getting into a relationshipwith any man moreso a nigerian guy. Even naija gals get nastily  scalded, sometimes they get involved with a guy who claims to be looking something serious only to realise he is married abroad. They will prodly tell you that they are polygamous in nature

Well well well, what can i say?

I am glad the issue of N men has ignited this long chain of discussions. I am particulary thankful to the non-N sistahs for sharing their personal experiences. It is these stories that have enlightened some N men here of the very bad image of N men abroad. However, from my understanding , i believe this image is also domestically present in N.

@ Elidegreat, i am glad you finally got it!

@mrmajor, i read your message several times, i am not getting your point. Please don't get me wrong, i am not labelling all N men as 'bad'. But the few that are, are just nasty. I was sharing an experience in the hope of finding some answers as to why SOME n men are badddddd and perceived by many women as liars and heartbreakers- an opinion that evidently many share in this thread too. I did not create that image.

You seem to be accusing me, perhaps for having that affair (because i should have known?) or perhaps for posting this thread?  I know my message has rightfully angered many n men, including you. But i can't change reality.

What is it with the HIV/Aids?. With all due respect, it don't bother me what u think-though i do wannna listen to you. I am not an AA woman. I am from East Africa.  My point was to fully comprehend the dysfunctional, selfish and cheating N men in order to to gain some insight, and to inform others of the misconceptions of n men that sadly do exist in the west and elsewhere.  I was also looking for some healing.

On the issue of lack of romance; i think it is not one that is uniquely N, but an African thing.

@ all N men. I just would like to know why the N men here have been so defensive and abusive? Even when faced with facts based on experiences. Rather than understanding, many of you have chosen to question our stories and behaviour (about being with n men).  Why do you brothers feel and react as if personally attacked?

@mizkay, even with what you are saying, even with what i have said, and even with what all the others have said, the N men here arent getting it. I just want to know why,

Can some one plz tell me how i can quote someone here? lool, thx

thx gnature!!!!!! i tried before that but it didnt work, but it did now thx to you!!