Story: Night Time At Noon

Hey, my name is Tunde and i love writing. If you got some time, please read this work and tell me what you think?

TITLE: NIGHT TIME AT NOON

Eyes have always been unkind to Lukmann and in his 32 years, 3 months on earth they have always stared at him the same way; with disdain or on lucky days, pity. ‘The mirror to the soul’, he likes to call them and it took him 32 long years to find a good soul, Lukmann thought, at least judging by the ‘mirrors’.

He looked at her again and her eyes shone brightly, radiating so much love that for a moment he felt it was all a dream. Lukmann couldn’t help feeling this way. If someone had told him just a couple of months ago that he would be in any relationship let alone a romantic one with Peace, he would have kicked his teeth in. But look at me now, he thought ecstatically, ‘holding hands with this beautiful enigma on a park bench and for the first time in my life, looking into someone’s eyes without being afraid of what I’ll see.
The cool lagoon breeze hit them in a rush and she moved closer, into the crook of his arm. Lukmann glanced casually to the left and noticed that the couple on the identical bench at the far end was in a warm embrace. Gaining some confidence from this, he put his arm around Peace and waited with bated breath for her reaction. He was soon rewarded with a sigh of contentment.

Several hours later as they walked towards the bus stop, Lukmann thought of the only question that was left unanswered since they started dating. The question was unanswered because it had never been asked but all that would soon change, he thought. He knew what he wanted to say; what he had to say. He must have rehearsed the lines over a million times but as they approached the traders’ stalls, a few meters away from the bus stop, he lost his cool, forgot the lines and just blurted out. ‘Will you marry me?’
Peace stopped dead in her tracks and he quickly looked away. He had heard his own words but could not recognize the voice that delivered them. It had suddenly acquired a funny, high pitch tone and for a moment he thought she would laugh, laugh out loud, laugh at him and put him in his place once and for all. Instead she squeezed his hand and said in that angelic voice of hers ‘yes’.

‘Yes! Yes!!’ He screamed to himself as he walked home after seeing her to her door. Yes to a life at last, a wife, a family, Lukmann thought. Oh, Peace! What a woman, my woman. He walked as tall as he could, considering his deformity because tonight for once in his life, he felt complete.

The four men crouched in the bushes, watching their quarry. Their hearts were beating fast, some faster than others no doubt. Nathaniel had had to threaten John, the youngest of the group before he had come with them today. He had tried to opt out at the last minute but Nat was having none of that, they had planned this together and there was no going back now. Nat could see the hunch back clearly now. He was walking directly towards them and seemed to be in high spirits today. If only he knew what lay ahead of him, Nat thought.

Lukmann hated the bushy footpath ahead with a passion but could not yet afford accommodation on the other side of town. He promised himself right there and then that he would work harder at his business and make enough money to move before the wedding. Peace must not endure any kind of hardship, he thought to himself, proudly.
At that precise moment, he felt rather than saw a movement and then pain followed as blows rained down on him. He was overpowered in seconds and his screams muffled with a rag. Lukmann knew exactly what was happening as his assailants dragged him away. He had been warned several times about ritualists’ love for hunch backs and knew instinctively from the first blow that his time had come.

As they bundled him into their waiting van, tears immediately welled in his eyes. Tears for Peace and a life that for the first time in 32 years actually seemed worth living.

There`s no question about your talent. Best proof is that after reading the story I had tears in my eyes. The story was really touching 

props to you. i like the suspense about what was wrong with him and how you revealed it.

you definitely can write 

You have the feel of a writer and you command your audience!

good one but there is always room for improvement!

I don't like sad stories.  We have enough of those in real life. 

When I read "sad story" I thought it was a failed romance story.

You are good. That's for sure. And you carry your readers along effortlessly. But since your story ends on a cliff hanger, don't let Lukman die. I agree with Seun. We have enough sadness in real life and home videos. Let something good come out of this, please.

But you ARE good.

I would like to know the end of the story if you have a concluded version of the story. Its hard to believe that its going to end this way without a FIGHT
  YOU ARE GOOD! I hope this is not the end. Improve on yourself and don't hesitate to grab any opportunity no matter how small it may be. Write your story in a book, a newspaper, somewhere, anywhere. Just write and especially in the heart of your readers.

what a touching story!!!!!!!!!!!!! and a sorrowful end.well nice  story from you, a talent you ve got keep it up!!!!!!!!!!!

@ beyunce - hmmmmmmmn, what excactly were u thinking? or u wish ,

hey people,
av been reading all da replies to my story so far and i'm so encouraged by what u guys av been saying.
Just want to say THANK YOU to you all, really appreciate it. Oh,  and yeah, beyunce, really, what were you thinking when you saw tunit (maybe u shld write a story bout it) am sure e'one would like to read it.
aiht peeps. tk care and one love

Show d brother love ya'll. No dulling

Thanx dearie

Kudos.Well arranged and beautiful suspense.Suppose u should teach some boring Nollywood writers that skill is in built not acquired.
MUCH RESPECT.

Skill is acquired by constant practice.  That is a fact of life that all winners know. 

Others think it's magic.  Ignorance is not bliss in this scenario, it's limiting.