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debra
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I just came from my honeymoon a week ago only to find out that my husband cheated on me with his baby mama a month before our wedding, how i found out is a long story that i would rather not get into. I called him at work and asked if it was true, he immediately rushed home and vehemently denied it. So the next day i called his baby mama, and she told me exactly how he came on to her, saying he wants to work thing out with her, and that i was out of the pic, so she slept with him. That evening when he came home i told him that his baby mama confirmed my story and was comming by any minute now to back up her story (to rattle him a bit), after much argument he finally said he did do it, when i asked him why, first he said whenever he goes to see his child she always tries to seduce him, and also because i was a bit difficult to live with, then i asked him why did you marry me if i am so difficult to live with ( we lived together for about a year after with got engaged). He says it is because he loves me, but he regrets cheating on me and will never hurt me by doing it again. I am very hurt by what he did but in a strange way i still love him. I take my marital vows very seriously, but i fear that it will happen again b/c he is always going to be connected to his baby mama b/c of his kid. I have a few questions for the men out there why will a man claim to love a woman and still cheat on her? Are men capable of love? Do all men cheat? is it true that "once a cheat always a cheat"? Finally if you were in my shoes what will you do next.
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ikamefa (f)
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this is a tight situation, you obviously love him, if you can forgive him and go on with your marriage, then the issue of trust comes in, would you still trust him when ever he is around his baby mama and any other woman. i would suggest you both go for counselling to work out his cheating issues, if hes willing to change like he said i I. I take my marital vows very seriously, but i fear that it will happen again b/c he is always going to be connected to his baby mama b/c of his kid. I have a few questions for the men out there why will a man claim to love a woman and still cheat on her? Are men capable of love? Do all men cheat? is it true that "once a cheat always a cheat"? Finally if you were in my shoes what will you do next.
not all men cheat, just very few are capable of true love. a man can say he loves a woman and still cheat on her its possible, some men see sex as just sex(a way to scratch an itch or bust a nut and they are on their way the next minute) their emotions are not involved. women tend to attach emotions to sex |
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iice (f)
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Cosigns  , well said ikamefa
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Busta (f)
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Am sorry u found ursef in this kind of situation. The fact remains, men would always be men. As for if he will or will not do it again, only u can answer that question. Don't let people on NL deceive u that he will or will not. He may and maynot do it again but still, how can trust him again?
Do ur part and leave the rest to God, no need to monitor him because one way or the other, the truth always comes out!
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debra
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thanks all, i guess the future will tell
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babonboard (f)
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u've siad it all time will tell
and since u love him so much
remember love conquers all
and i think both of u should go see a marriage counsellor
good luck girl
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Oracle (m)
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Men can be trusted, thatz why itz advisable to have a very long courtship.
i know a couple who dated for seven years before getting married and they had a platonic relationship.
you may not believe it but itz true.
you may not also wait for seven long years because time flies but let it be long enough to bring out the true color of your partner.
There is every chance that your husband will cheat on you again.
so take it to the Lord in Prayer.
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chinani (f)
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Ikamefa said it all.
If he wants to work it out, really emphasize counselling.
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Seun (m)
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That he cheated on you doesn't bother me as much as the statement he made that "you are difficult to live with". I think you made a mistake by marrying this man. I think your marriage is doomed. This is so sad.  |
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chinani (f)
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Yea the "difficult to leave with" statement is a cop out -- definately a red flag.
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Seun (m)
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If you're going to get divorced, get divorced as soon as possible. Divorce isn't so bad when children are not involved - it's just like breaking any relationship. Don't rely on your "feelings" to make this decision. Your feelings will lead you astray. But this is so sad. |
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Coco29 (f)
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@debra
(my opinion as a fellow nl member)
i was on the other side(the baby mama) the reason why i slept with him was not for love i did it just because i could, thing is men are so easy to stray and the fact the he said that you are difficult to deal with has nothing to do with his cheating, he did it because he had the chance and to get himself out of it he blamed you, i do not believe that you should leave him because of what he did as you are married how ever you have to consider if this some thing you can forget and move on from.
(As a counselor this is my opinion not advice)
Relationships are very difficult, and it just does not work its self out, it is some thing you need to work at, your husband said the you are difficult to live with , you need to get clarity on this IE what does he mean by (difficult to live with) then u can move on from there, men cheat for all sort of reasons and some times they have no reason, however that does not mean he does not love you, what the two of you need is to sit down and talk about this, not argue, the two of you need to know what you want from this marriage, if it is to save it then you are going to need professional help to regain trust in him and for him to understand why he cheated. If you forgive him you should not bring it up again, because it will become a new issue to argue about and put even more strain on the relationship
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lovely_28 (f)
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Go get a BRAIN!!!!
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daviespan (m)
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that hurts, ouch
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Wumine (f)
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Well if you love him then stay him and i Pray God will help you touch and change his heart for good. You are very brave marrying someone that has a baby because the probability that the guy will be in touch with the baby's mum is 8/10 and by that anything can happen. Just be prayerful because MEN CANNOT BE TRUSTED! Keep praying.
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ThoniaSlim (f)
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99% can't be trusted,but the remaining 1% that can be trusted are scarce  |
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Seun (m)
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I'm sure that at least 50% of men can be trusted.
Women ignore those ones because they are "boring" (that is, not rich).
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onyx79 (m)
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I can understand what debra has been through and it does indeed throw up that pertinent question about the fidelity of most married men especially when you hear tales such as this one. Well, i would still back calls to go for counselling to salvage the marriage. You can still forgive him and have a great relationship. I pray he is ready to cooperate and work things out. But to respond to the lead headline squarely, i 'D like to say that virtue is not exclusive to any particular sex of the homo sapiens. YOu have probably heard the refrain "WOMEN ARE DEVILS" from the lips of some men.
For DEBRA: GOD IS ABLE TO BRING HEALING AND WHOLENESS TO YOUR MARRIAGE. PRAY AND GET SUPPORT FROM RELEVANT QUARTERS,
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Busta (f)
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the answer is NO!!
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Radiant (f)
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What a question!. . .if you don't know the answer in this December 2006 then you'll never know it!
Will read ur story later
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Radiant (f)
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Finally read it.
Because I don't trust any guy, including my father and brother, my answer is NO! I heard they're a few out there that can be trusted. I'm yet to meet one!
The fact he said you're difficult to live with, that's a big negative tag you can't brush off. Once a guy is fed up with a girl's attitude, believe me, that's about a wrap of the whole "good relationship". Not necessarily breaking up, if you know what I mean.
Besides, you think his "baby mama" is happy seeing he married another girl and not her? She can always have her 'cake' when she wants. Otherwise, his ass is in deep shit.
If you want to move on with him, bear in mind that he can always cheat on you and deny until proven guilty or you get a divorce.
To tell you that a man will change is like telling you that Pigs fly.
God bless!
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Uche2nna (m)
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LMAO
Anyway, this is some sad shit. I guess u need to really go on your knees and pray over it because this is a situation that will really put u to the test. The probability of him doing it again (might not be neccesarily with baby mama) is 99%, so u are really left with only a 1% chance of him not doing it again.That is the reason why I think u need prayers.
Y don't I believe in this counselling shit!!!!
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Honey_pot (m)
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I think this case of men being cheats and untrustworthy is becoming a recurring decimal, i made some comments in one of Mukina's thread and wouldn't want to say so much now. If men can't be trusted neither can women be trusted too, because every act of unfaithfulness involves a man and a woman. Ladies respond negatively to men after a heart break forgetting there are many interesting guys existing outside their battered reclusive selves. my advice to them is to wake up, stop whinning and go hunting for those good guys. And if u are married, stay in it (i don't support divorce) and work things out
@ Radiant
I've been watching u closely. your hard stance on issues is amazing. U seem to have a strong character and a clear idea of what u want. It appears u've gone into rships, gave your all and were betrayed. At first i thought u are simply annoying, hypocritical or an attention seeker but i've just changed my mind. Now, I think u are an interesting person who have a great capacity to love and be loved. What u need though is to find the missing/right chord in your disjointed love song. I'll advice u to drop your male-hate views, get over past hurts, and sooner u'll get your 'groove' back.
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ThoniaSlim (f)
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this is really sad ,and a real difficult situation  |
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woleprof (m)
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If men cannot be trusted then whom do u trust?  |
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Uche2nna (m)
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Huh |
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Uche2nna (m)
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I have the ambition of becoming an epidemic |
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