Hi Guys,

I need your honest advise especially the Medicos in the house. Me and my girlfriend recently discovered that we have the same "AS" genotype which means there is a 25% chance of having an "SS" child. This is posing a major challenge to our relationship as we had earlier planned to marry in december. I am suggesting that we risk it and go ahead with our plans but she is scared but doesnt want to loose me at the same time. She has been crying for the past few days since we discovered. What should we do?

you should break up and remain as friends. You ain't gon' die. But if you guys think you are equal to the stress and pain from having an "S S" then go ahead.

It is not advisable for "as" lovers to get married. If eventually they have sickle cell anaemic child(ren), it would cause serious problems for them later in their marriage. People should not be blinded by love

Pray hard Bro it is possible you guys may not have a SS child.

i feel you bro but consider your kids u might likely put in weekly pains, they aint going to be happy with you for the sake of your love, do you believe that stress can frustrate love, if i were you i wouldnt go ahead with the marriage, also ask God.

it'll be sad to bring to life a child you know will suffer throught his/her entire lifetime, its not worth it so i think you guys should break up asap

It would be irresponsible for you to risk having an SS child. Even if you think you can manage, what about the pain the poor child will experience? Even people with perfect health often find it hard to find happiness.

Is there a way to find out whether a particular foetus carries the SS genotype and abort it?

If not, then you'll just have to rely on a sperm donor to get your wife pregnant without the risk.

Otherwise, adoption may be an excellent option. Good luck loving and living!

this is a very difficult situation and i empathise with you.sickle cell disease is a very serious condition.the chances of you and your partner having an SS child as you rightly said is 25%.but there is no way of predicting if you will have all SS/AA/AS. or 1 or 2 .In my opinion your options are:

- to go your seperate ways and avoid this dilemna.
-get married have babies and pray for the best
-if you go ahead and have babies,get them screened early and get the best medical care and advice  you can ,to keep them as symptom free as possible if they have SS.
-I know many SS sufferers,some in excellent condition most are not so furtunate-one can not predict how it will turn out.

-here in the uk a pregnant woman can have the unborn child tested for sickle cell and if it is positive ,the couple can be offered therapeutic abortion in early pregnancy( i know this may sound unacceptable to most especially on religious grounds) but some people who have suffered SS disease with friends or relatives,would rather do this than have a child suffer with SS. i'm not sure where you are located but talk to your dr if you want to explore this option.

-

PLEASE every black person needs to know their genotype before they get into a serious relationship to try an avoid these sort of situations.
I hope you make the best decision for yourself and your partner.

if both of you really Love each other, you have to discontinue the relationship. that is the only solution to this problem. because the pain of loosing a child, and you r responsible for that is very painful. so earlier the better.

Bros,if u truly love urselves,pls avoid bringing a child 2 come in here to suffer perpetually.
Cos by d tyme,d wahala starts,all diz love ur professing 4 each other will simply VANISH !

Be guided. all da Best,Bros !

Can two people with AS genotype marry? Why not! If you are fortunate to be blessed with (fore)knowledge and you still decide to go ahead with your intention then it's your business! There's an adage in Ondo that suits your situation but I wouldn't want to type it here less Nairaland server becomes unstable

My advice: Anything that would make you mortgage your future happiness and the health of your unborn child(ren) is NO LONGER LOVE!

Just avoid the relationship. Dont think about urselves alone; think about the children u'll have as well if u eventually marry. And the trauma the child will pass through in battling with the sickness.

The future lies in your decision today.

mai gai, i know how u and ur darling ar feeling now concerning this situation,but i must be honest with u too, its better to suffer emotional disorder now and later have marraige devoid of ss child or children than doing otherwise. Else if u go ahead to do the wedding , the truth is that based on that scientific proof u might end up unhappy which inverablly may even lead to devorce or other marital constraints. Let it not be as if u are postponing the dooms day; GOD FORBID.
Andstel

since others are so polite and politically correct I shall not mince words.

Don't do it. NEVER try it. PERISH the thought. FOR ALL ETERNITY.

If you get married you are a murderous b@$tard and deserve to die painfully by torture that lasts 20 years and ends in a miserable and painful death, because that is what you wish on your child.

As an AS you probably have sickler relatives. If you are so heartless as to inflict the same suffering upon another, your own child nonetheless then you deserve 2,000 years of pain.

In short don't do it

Even if you pray or whatever and dont have any SS children, you are just as guilty as anyone who has commited attempted murder. The fact that the knife didnt sink in is no excuse.


The assumption that there is only one chosen mate for a man in the whole world is baseless and stupid. The FACT that AS+AS is VERY likely to bring about a sickler and ALMOST CERTAIN to bring about others with you own present dilemma, which you AGREE is undesirable, is UNDISPUTED. fact vs assumption, do the math.

leave each other NOW and never allow your spunk near her eggs or you are surely a deserved denizen of HELL

i dont think it's worth it.u guys were smart enough to check before committing urselves in marriage because u realised it was important.I have a friend that is SS and u dont want ur kids to go through what she went through,there was a time she missed school for months because of an attack.u guys might be in love but the question is r u thinking of the children in future and would u want them to suffer when u cld have averted the pains.
only you can decide what you want out of this world for urself.here is hoping u make the right decision

I advice you break up nicely or else you are potentially going down the road of sadness if your children turn out to be SS.It will be a life time of hospital visitations and heartache if one child is SS.It may put a strain on your marital life.Overcome your intense feelings for now and think with your head.
But then,if you do decide to go ahead,then good luck.

[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][color=#000099]my friend,wisdom is profitable to direct. u arent a novice so u shud know that a traumatic life is not the best.quit the relationship now---it takes God's grace and wisdom to do dat and u need to ask Him.
it might not be easy but u must spare yourself: u guys could run away wen eventually problems of sickle cell starts after been married.
safety goes for having AS vs AA, AS vs AC, SS vs AA is reasonably not bad.so, shine yr eye!
if u are in doubt, get to see your personal doctor or medical personnel, close to you
God bless u .

If i were in your shoes, i'd go ahead and get married. When she's pregnant there are ways of knowing the child's blood type, if it turns out to be SS, you have the option of terminating the pregnancy!

Men that's crazy!

if u have three pregnancy in a row n it turns out SS, then what? Just kill them, huh?

The things I have witnessed

The management of many sickler women during ante natal care up to their delivery, it was not an easy affair for the woman, her husband, her doctor(me), the nurses and everybody who had something to do with her.

I lost the most brilliant guy in my class (a sickler) in final year to complications of a rare disease that afflicts only sicklers.

I have been unfortunate to be the one to console several mothers when a sickler child dies after several years of nuturing and sleeping in uncomfortable hospital beds and making so many sacrifices, but then the child dies,

The most painful, a young girl almost killed herself because her only brother, a sickler, hale and hearty in the morning, both boarded a bus in the morning to BENIN from lagos, the young man took ill on the way and by the time they where in benin he was gone, wetin i go tell my mama? the girl kept on wailing.

bottomline, love is just an emotion,
like a tree, if you water it, it grows and becomes a very big, if you starve it, it dies a natural death.

So, flee from misery, break this engagement.

On the other hand;

you can adopt children when you are married,
or
you can do genetic testing in the first trimester, if it's a sickler you terminate, if not you carry on to term, what if the first 4 pregnancies are sicklers?

flee from misery

This was not your first love and probably won't be your last. Both of you should probably move on.

Bros ODIKWA RISKY chances are that you might have children with ss there by putting them through a life time of misery, agony, and early death. Its better to end the relationship now THAN TO LATER REGRET AND SAY HAD I KNOWN

I want to thank everyone that has so far sent in their opinions and advice. We (myself and my girlfriend) have carefully read through all the responses and have painfully agreed to stop our relationship and remain casual friends. I must admit that it is the toughest decision to take in my life moreso as we are just few months into our wedding. Anyway, i am putting my faith in God with the believe that he will give me my rightful wife cos i waited for many years before i found this girl. The question now is "when am i going to get another nice girl that is AA (since i have no other choice)?. I need to settle down soonest cos i'm over 30 and i dont want to spend my pension in raising children. Thank you all.

I am so glad you have both made the right choice.

It may seem easy for those of us who are not in your shoes to give advice so coldly, but believe me it is neccesary.

By whatever chance exists in this world, too many of the important people in my life have been sicklers. I have had the ignominous ill fortune of living through too many deaths and it is so different to look at my best buddy right now and know what his fate is. It is even more difficult to relate properly with his parents, knowing that ignorance is their only defence, or his brothers (none are SS, he is the eldest, there is this constant undertone of 'we are preparing for when you leave us')

It may seem hard, but believe me, it is the lesser of two evils. The alternative is just so much worse.

Just think, if more people make this decision you have made, no-one will have to make this decision ever again.

Thanks for being a great human being.

the best decisions are made when you have all the facts.i'm glad you have decided on what to do.Good luck to both of you.I'm sure you will find the right people for yourselves.just be patient and don't rush into anything.

Dear friend, i will advice you that you shouldn't try it for any reason, what can make some pastor now adays not joining two people with AS as husband & wife hen who are you & your thought, another thing is that when it all happen in future the lady we suffer most because you as a husband will not be much responsible for all the stress, if i happen to be the lady i will just take heart & just accept what God as for me & never get involve in "EVERLASTING PAIN" Even God as a person will not be happy with you because you did it delibretely.
See what you people are calling love now will diffenately vanish if the problem start in the future time, Remember that what is wheat doing @ all is wheat doing well, & also i will want you to apply wisdom to this situation. Plz don't suffer the innocent child{ren}

kintayo,read the whole thread.cassidy and his girlfriend have made a decision

@Blablabla

God Bless you for your articulated and true to life response, He who has ears, Let him Hear!

Otiiooooooooo

Cassidy06,

The responses on your post have been good and I didn't want to make repetition.  But on the other hand, I thought I should drop a line of encouragement for you.

Congrats to you for taking a tough decision.  You have really shown you love the lady by deciding not to go ahead with the marriage.  Love entails sacrifice.  The best way you could have shown love to yourselves is the sacrifice that you both made, though a tough one.  Love is not a feeling- it is an act.  It is what you do.  It carries with it responsibility.

When you consider the suffering ahead, the heartaches, stress and strain, the despair that will come with all that, it is good you broke the engagement.  A broken engagement is better than a lifetime of misery and woe, and maybe a broken marriage that may result. So I salute you courage.

You made a comment that prompted me reply:

Anyway, i am putting my faith in God with the believe that he will give me my rightful wife because i waited for many years before i found this girl. The question now is "when am i going to get another nice girl that is AA (since i have no other choice)?

Since you have decided to put your faith in God, please do with all your heart.  Let Him take absolute control and He will give you the desires of your heart.  It reminds me of when I got engaged to my fiancee, now my wife.  We had gone far in the relationship when the talk of genotype came.  None of us knew our genotypes and we decided we were not going to do the test.  Why? Because we believed God brought us together (we are both born again) and there was no way God will confirm my choice and we will end up not matching each other.  It was years later, after we got married, that my wife did her test when she was pregnant.  I turned out to be AA.  As I'm speaking to you I still don't know my own, but even if I am SS we could have matched!!

I don't advice anyone to try this.  I'm only trying to boost your faith in God.  If you allow Him to lead you to your right wife, He will give you your own and you will match.  Please don't rush into any relationship because of your age.  It will only put pressure on you which will becloud your judgement and ability to trust God.

There is a great christian site on relationships and marriage that can be of help.  I'm sure you will find somethings useful there.

Wish you the best.

Analytical:

Cassidy06,

As I'm speaking to you I still don't know my own, but even if I am SS we could have matched!!

analytical,I was just wondering, are you still going to get checked?because if you are AS or AC your children can still be carriers.but if you are AA there is no risk of them being carriers and worrying about it in the future.or have you decided to leave it and get them checked when they are older

Both of you can still marry.
For the fact that you're both AS does not mean you will have SS kid(s)
You can have three consecutive children without a trait of SS to one.
Miracles happen everyday.

Doubletree, of what use is it for me to start fretting about what I did not fret about when the pressure was on? If I decided to apply my faith in God and believe in His divine guidiance when the issue mattered most, what will it profit me now to discard that faith that has brought me thus far, moreso when my wife eventually found hers to be AA? What it means is that my kids (I have two now) can never be SS, even if I'm SS, which I'm not!

Don't you agree with me?

Cheers.