|
Uju4eva (f)
|
I am currently dating an African American man, but what I want to know is why is there such a commotion about "akata". There are plenty of bad ones, but there are good ones. I don't know why it matters if I go out with one or marry one, because I am not a son in the family, so i do not know. Plus I mean, I was raised in America, of course I am going to have "american taste" and find interest in an African American. My dad said it's a taboo in my culture, but I don't want to dissapoint him with my "likings", but if that is where my love falls, what can I do? You know, so I just want to know you guys views on this.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Uju4eva (f)
|
Okay 5 people have viewed this but they don't' want to attribute any comments toward this thread?
|
|
|
|
|
|
mochafella (m)
|
Okay 5 people have viewed this but they don't' want to attribute any comments toward this thread?
Chill out young lady, it's the racism board. You will get replies, probably stronger than you expect. |
|
|
|
|
|
Uju4eva (f)
|
Oh okay  |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Uju4eva (f)
|
See there you go again Uche, nevermind my age, and MAKE your head pay attention to the main situation I have brought up.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Uche2nna (m)
|
I am sorry!
If you ask me I will just tell you that love is not supposed to be subjected to the scrutiny of color or race.It is all about a person's happiness.If your happiness in marriage is going to come from an Eskimo then go ahead!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Chxta (m)
|
I am currently dating an African American man, but what I want to know is why is there such a commotion about "akata". There are plenty of bad ones, but there are good ones. I don't know why it matters if I go out with one or marry one, because I am not a son in the family, so i do not know. Plus I mean, I was raised in America, of course I am going to have "american taste" and find interest in an African American. My dad said it's a taboo in my culture, but I don't want to dissapoint him with my "likings", but if that is where my love falls, what can I do? You know, so I just want to know you guys views on this.
Nothing is wrong my dear should you chose to date a Chinese man. The only thing I'd require of both of you is compatibility, and a willingness to really work at the relationship. P.S: Seun should this be in this board? |
|
|
|
|
|
Donzman (m)
|
There's nothing wrong with dating an African-American man but most Africans love to visit their in-laws, share everything with them and live like one big extended family. Most of the older folks feel that marrying an American or some Westerner will deny them that luxury that comes from marriage.
|
|
|
|
|
|
kiki (f)
|
girl i feel ya on this thats d same thing my dad always say that all African American guys out there are bad but u know there r some good ones and he always saying i'm gon marry someone from Africa and i'm always telling him that u better calm down because u can't choosee who i'm gon date nor marry for me and i'm the kind of person who love African American guys especially the hot one with hot body somtimes when he start saying it i just think in my mind and i'm gon be like that man is losing it
|
|
|
|
|
|
iice (f)
|
Like someone said, its the compatibility and willingness/commitment you guys have.
|
|
|
|
|
|
GNature (m)
|
@uju
I agree that it is compatibility and "the goodness of someone's heart" that really matters, but uju, you have to
realize that your father wants what's best for you.
A lot of those hot A A guys (not all of course) are good at sweet talking, working out, and dressing nice so
you find them very appealing. But a lot of them will become complete strangers if you ever get pregnant for them.
I have met too many AA ladies that don't know or have little to say about their fathers. So, while you are right -
there are some good A A guys out there, but be careful !
|
|
|
|
|
|
GNature (m)
|
@donzman Excellent point my brother, excellent point  . You be true Africa man I swear. When i read your post, I was just nodding my head in the affirmative all the way  |
|
|
|
|
|
Uju4eva (f)
|
OH okay, I just wanted to know you guys opinion
thank you,
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sista (f)
|
@GnatureA lot of those hot A A guys (not all of course) are good at sweet talking, working out, and dressing nice so
you find them very appealing. But a lot of them will become complete strangers if you ever get pregnant for them.
You are right A.A men can be some pretty good sweet talkers but that can't be any different from the way Nigerian men sweet talk. In a lot of reported cases, Nigerian men sweet talk so good, that they sweet talk their self into American citizenship, get my drift? So, lets stop putting the A.A brothers down, I detect hating. Black women need to watch out and use critical thinking when dating any kind of black man. And, black woman needs a brother, no matter what part of the world he was raised in.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sista (f)
|
@uju4eva
Uju, I am a A.A woman.
I am going to tell you this. You are only sixteen and in America, that means something. What it means is, you have to concentrate more so on your education than you do a man. You are youn and you are going to meet lots of guys.
In Nigeria, a girl needs to concentrate on her education also but if she is dating another Nigerian, she is more than likely supported by her father. Support makes a relationship for a young girl less of a worry because she has security. Security in knowing she does not have to give up her boyfriend because daddy approves of him.
Here in America, you don't have that support from your father when it comes to an A.A man.
Once you have finished your education, your father will always be over protective of you and interfere in your decisions but, when he sees how responsible you are, he will learn to let up on you and let you make your own decisions. At that time, even if he still disagrees with you dating a A.A man, at least he will learn to trust your decisions and keep his opinions to his self.
P.S, There is nothing wrong with dating or marrying a A.A man, I think you already know that. African man is a African man, no matter which part of the globe he resides on.
Can you tell me is there anything about your boyfriend that reminds you of a Nigerian young man?
I would just like to know if there is becasue a lot of people in nairaland want to say that A.A are so much different from Continental Africans. Enlighten us, teach us soemthing.
Looking at your pic, I could not tell if you were a A.A or a continental African.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Drusilla (f)
|
Uje4,
My son dates an Continental African girl. Her African family loves his dirty draws. Her mother dotes over him and gives him money, keeps up with his birthday and finds ways to give him gifts for no reason.
My son of course is a straight A student, a football and track star, attends a military academy and is beautifully Ghetto (Charming, charismatic, outspoken, jubilant).
He has to force his girlfriend to concentrate on school work and to stop being such a follower (she allows others to push her into stealing to prove she is not scared.)
So he is a very good influence on her.
Of course, she is the bomb to him, he loves African food and walks 5 miles to the suburb where she lives just to eat her food.
Follow your heart, don't listen to stereo types or those who believe stereotypes.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sista (f)
|
@ DrusillaFollow your heart, don't listen to stereo types or those who believe stereotypes.
Drusilla you are forgetting this sister is only 16, she may fall in love a few times before she finds the one who is really for her. On her journey she may rebel totally against her father and fall in to the arms of a white man if you do not break it down to her the true meaning of not believing stereotypes. We don't want her to misconstrue that not listening to stereotypes means to totally open your self. You know what I mean? You better get back here and clear this up
|
|
|
|
|
|
Drusilla (f)
|
Sista,
LOL
U4,
Any relationship you have with a white man, will be an insincere relationship. He will never know your deepest pains nor deepest fears and never know what drives you. If he did ever know them, he would know that you were not ever really in love with him but were using him for financial reasons.
Date someone, you can truly love and be real with at all times.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sista (f)
|
@ DrusillaLoL We have to do our best to cover all of our bases Drusilla, If he did ever know them, he would know that you were not ever really in love with him but were using him for financial reasons. @uju4evaTo add to that, if he is a broke white man, he would have understood that you were just a confused sistah who got caught up and only got with him becasue you fell for the hype white people push. @ DrusillaYou know we got some African sistahs out here getting with broke white men these days saying foolish things like "We love each other" or "I am not a racist, I love everybody"
|
|
|
|
|
|
mamaput (f)
|
At the end of the day when all is said and done.
It is you marring the man not so ? and you are the one going to live with him .
Not your father.
The only compromise you can make ,is to find one that fits in.
|
|
|
|
|
|
luvlymoi (f)
|
theres nothin wrong wit it. its just that theres too much of the african mentality in our parents. like i told my mom i was goin to marry a white man and she said NO! i was surprised but its all good.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Drusilla (f)
|
Sista,
My friend goes to Nigeria and talks about villages begging him to have sex with all their women. He says that they want him (a very light skinned blackman) to give them light skinned children.
Others in countries where the whites have tried to divide the "coloreds" from the "blacks" will tell you that they are "saving the race" by having relationships with whitemen to make lighter skinned blacks.
So even though it may seem to be for other reasons in the end it seems to me that most reasons are for financial as in i.e. a lighter baby will have it easier and make more money and get us out of poverty, have a better future.
I know black suburban people married to white folks and they live really good but the thing is, the black person always has a black woman on the side whom he gives lots of money to, to keep her happy.
It is like they want their cake -- white woman who works good job and provides for them or gives them citizenship and a black woman to love and who truly understands them.
I of course am from the Ghetto. There is only one reason besides money, that you will see a black person in the Ghetto with a white person. (deformed black people is the other reason --- severe drug addiction, mental illness, severe ugliness) That is understood by everybody. Really most are ashamed and embarrassed of having to be seen with their white 'money' person.
Only 2 percent of marriages by Ghetto black people are to white people.
Only 4 percent of marriages by Middle Class black people are to white people.
Only 6 percent of marriages by Rich Black folks are to white people.
African Americans are really not into thinking about spending their life with people who smell like Baloney (bologna).
Sorry, if that is not PC to talk about how they smell to us.
|
|
|
|
|
|
chinani (f)
|
Nothing's wrong with it. I agree w/ Sista's 2nd post. Education is so vital right now. From what I read of this thread you don't like when people bring up your age, but just know that there are lots & lots of Naijas (incl. ndi'Igbo) who were raised in America. So if you want to kill 2 birds w/ one stone you could just wait & meet one in college or post-grad. I know, know, know they stay in the A, cause they're defnly in Texas. I also think that dating is a good way for young people (myself included) to learn about people, the world & relationship how-tos. So don't rush into anything w/ anybody & have fun. As far as dating, you can date who you want as long as their "decent" (as Naijas like to say). But marriage is a different story. The only compromise you can make ,is to find one that fits in.
This is important. Not everyone fits -- even "nice" guys may not fit. You should think hard about the type of relationship you want to have w/ your family & heritage before marrying anyone (even another Nigerian and/or Igbo person). Realize that people change & concerns change, so will he still "fit" and/or love you if you become more expressive culturally? If you want to go to Naija every few years? Or would he rather spend the money going to Hawaii where neither of you have relatives? (Maybe that's your preference, I don't know, this is just food for thought). Secondly he could be one of those "nice" guys (sweet talker or not) who's not "into" Africa. Basically he'll be w/ youas long as you don't do any "Africa shiit" like dress up, cook the foods, say the words etc. etc. Some one said you don't "look African". *eye roll* Well if one day you wake up & "look African" will he leave you? Is it a disease sha? I guess "being African" might be the plague. . . Bottom Line: Anything wrong w/ dating an A.A or non-African? No Anything's wrong w/ marrying an A.A. or non-African? No. But proper eye-shining is necessary. |
|
|
|
|
|
Uju4eva (f)
|
Yeah, I see what you are talking about, okay, I see you guys opinions, I'm just a little sad about something, but it's alright, I know I'm young, and I'm still on my education, I was just asking a question for further responses on what people would say. I see in all, that everyone is saying that it is only the person you love that should matter. But I mean I see when you are talking about he may be a sweet talker, but when it comes to that African stuff, not to do it, ya know? But yeah I get what you are talking about,
|
|
|
|
|
|
Drusilla (f)
|
Chinani,
Hmmmm. I do not know if it is a cultural difference or not but I have to disagree with you.
Who cares what the man you love is into? Isn't the idea with every man, that they have to be trained to conform to what you need and want?
My sister says to me, I can not fry chicken, my husband does not like fried chicken.
I was like so what? Fry the chicken and he will eat it.
She did and now they regularily eat friend chicken.
It's Uj4 job to introduce her man to African stuff, if she does not, he will leave her.
Men do not tend to wake up in the morning and praise God for their Arm.
IMHO.
|
|
|
|
|
|
mamaput (f)
|
Its not about chicken.
Its about much more than that.
Fitting in and fitting in are not the same thing.
Flexible is a better word.
If we carry our shoe on our head once a week, he dose not have to follow us to do that .
But he should allow us to go on doing that without talking his wife out of it , or saying "But his children will not do it.
There are many things Nigerians do that may be strange to other people.
We may give up some but we do not want to hide to do the others.
|
|
|
|
|
|
mochafella (m)
|
Isn't the idea with every man, that they have to be trained to conform to what you need and want?
Would women accept the same "training" to conform to what the man needs and wants?  |
|
|
|
|
|
chinani (f)
|
Would women accept the same "training" to conform to what the man needs and wants? It's not about conformity; it's about freedom of self-expression w/in intimate relationships. Go reread what Mamaput said b/c she stated it so well. If a black American man asked about marrying a Naija the advice would be the same. @ DrusillaMamaput explained what I was going for. I hope you understand where I'm coming from. |
|
|
|
|
|
Drusilla (f)
|
Chinani & mamaput,
Honestly. I can understand a little better but not really.
We have a little saying: A hard piece of wood breaks easier than a soft piece of wood.
Her husband ate the chicken because he was hungry, not because he was flexible about eating the chicken. Right?
I don't know.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Drusilla (f)
|
Mochafella,
A man only needs and wants what you teach him that he needs and wants. Eh?
A man only starts with wants it is the woman who must teach him what he needs to get what he wants.
Smile
|
|
|
|
|
|
mochafella (m)
|
Mochafella,
A man only needs and wants what you teach him that he needs and wants. Eh?
A man only starts with wants it is the woman who must teach him what he needs to get what he wants.
Smile
Drusilla, No probs, as long as the woman accepts to be taught to be what the man needs. Also the woman must not stop being what the man wants. very important Smile |
|
|
|
|
|
![Nairaland [Nigerian Forum] Home](http://www.nairaland.com/Themes/default/images/english/home.gif)
Author
