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sexyLeamon (f)
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how many girls have u said this to?
long time no see  |
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D1KeleVra (m)
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Are u sure?  |
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clemcykul
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cool man.
how are you today?
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D1KeleVra (m)
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Very good, thanx. |
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sexyLeamon (f)
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that,s tight
This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her female orifice. "Put your finger in me, " she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in, ", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands, " commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight female orifice!".
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sexyLeamon (f)
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any improvement?
Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'
The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?'
The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. 'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'
Then the chief leaned back and smiled. 'Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.'
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sexyLeamon (f)
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Wife gets naked
Wife gets naked and asks hubby
"what turns you on more my pretty face or my sexy body"
hubby looks her up and down and replies
"your sense of humour"
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sexyLeamon (f)
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man this is cold!!
man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you."
"Oh, great," he said, "What is it?"
"It's called the door!"
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sexyLeamon (f)
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dr smith
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny breasts.
Dr Smith advised her, 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say,'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'
She did this faithfully for several months!
She grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual.
Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.'
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked 'Oh! Are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?'
'Yes I am, How did you know?'
He, winked and whispered, ' Hickory dickory dock,
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sexyLeamon (f)
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Parenting can be tough
A little girl walks into the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is
reading the paper.
"Where does Poo come from?" she asks.
The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is
already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says:
"Well you know we just ate breakfast?"
"Yes," answers the girl.
"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good
stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to
the toilet, and that is poo."
The little girl looks shocked, and stares, at him with watery eyes in
stunned silence for a few seconds and asks:
"And Tigger?"
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CrazyMan (m)
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Re.
« #78 on: February 28, 2009, 11:23 AM » |
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I think that was funny.  |
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D1KeleVra (m)
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;d ;d
lol. |
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sexyLeamon (f)
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I think that was funny. cool that is the intension of this topic lol. laugh on  hmmmm
keep hmming |
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Lolabbey
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till saliva finishes
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sexyLeamon (f)
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The Haunted Bathroom
A guy walks into a bar and has a few beers. This led to him needing to use the bathroom. So he asks the bartender, "Can I use your bathroom?" The bartender says, "Yes, it's down the hall to your left, but beware, it's haunted." So the guy goes to the bathroom and does his business and all of a sudden he hears a spirit say, "I'm the great Houdini, touch my balls and I'll slice your weinee." The guy runs out and leaves the bar.
Later, Santa Clause comes in and has a couple of beers. He falls off the stool, gets back up and asks to use the bathroom. The bartender says again, "It's down the hall to your left, but beware, it's haunted. S Santa goes and does is business, washes his hands and he hears, "I'm the great Houdini, touch my balls I'll slice your weinee." Santa then says, "I don't care who you are, I'm the ghost of Christmas past, touch my balls and I'll kick your ass!"
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sexyLeamon (f)
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Choosing a Wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three
likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to
see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her
hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely
for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for
him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of
golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As
she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on
him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the
$5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint
account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she
loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the
money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on
Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large
elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no
recollection of what to do with them.
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sexyLeamon (f)
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Say Something Nice
A husband wanted to say something nice to his beautiful wife. After reading a book, where the hero said to the woman, "When I think of you, I forget everything about hunger and thirst," he thought that it would be a nice thing to say to his own wife.
The next day, he went to his wife and said, "When I think of you, I lose my appetite for food."
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sexyLeamon (f)
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Marriage Advise from Old Timers
A young man walks up to a bar and sits down next to two old-timers, orders two shots, and immediately downs them. As the two geezers eye him, he orders another two shots, and a beer. He downs the two shots, and stares mournfully into his beer.
The first old timer says, "What's bothering you, son?"
The young man says, swilling his beer, "I'm getting married tomorrow, and I think I'm getting cold feet."
The second old timer says, "Cold feet? You came to the right place, between the two of us, we've been married over eighty years! Ask us anything you want"
The young man thinks for a second, shuffles nervously on the barstool, and says, "Well, I've heard that women change after you've married them! I love her, but I just don't know!"
The first old timer laughs and says, "Nonsense! My wife is the same delicate flower she's always been: sweet, caring, and dinner on the table every night. Why, I even started getting footrubs after we hitched!"
The young man nods thoughtfully, and continues, "Well, I've heard they can kind of get a little controlling, not letting us go out with the guys as much, "
The second geezer chuckles and says, "Marriage brought my relationship to a whole new level of trust. Mine lets me go out whenever I want, come back whenever I want, and stopped interrogating me the second I said, 'I do'!"
"The sex! I heard there's no more blow jobs, and that I'll be lucky to get lucky once a month!" The groom-to-be shouted out.
Both men started laughing, the first one saying, "Are you joking? Marriage brought a whole new level of intimacy to our relationship! Our sex is as often, and hotter than ever! In fact, because she trusts me so much, she lets me do things now that she never did before!"
The young man sighed, obviously relieved. Looking back and forth between the two old men, he thanked them, saying, "You guys have really been great. You know what? I'm going home, right now, and I'm going to call Wanda and tell her I love her. I owe it all to you two." Saying this, he ran out of the bar.
Geezer one looked at geezer two and said, "Nobody fucking warned me."
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sexyLeamon (f)
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Are You OK Mister
The man was in a hurry to board the airplane and didn't have time to do the paperwork to get his little doggie on board. So the man stashed the puppy down the front of his pants and sneaked him on the plane.
About 30 minutes into the flight, a stewardess noticed that the man was squirming in his seat.
"Are you OK, mister?" the stewardess asked. "Yes, I'm fine," said the man. Time went by and again the stewardess noticed strange movements. "Are you sure you're all right, sir?"
"Yes," the man insisted, "but I have a confession to make. I didn't have time to do the paperwork to bring my puppy on board, so I hid him down the front of my pants."
"I see," the stewardess said. "Well, as long as he's housebroken, I guess it will be OK." "Oh, he's housebroken," the man replied. "The problem is, he's not weaned yet!"
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sexyLeamon (f)
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Jealousy, at its best!!
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered
That she was out of credit, she instructed her son to use his own phone to
pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After junior
had called, he got back to Mommy to inform her that there was a lady that
picked up Daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching Dad on the mobile.
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing
him in the driveway; she rushed out and gave him a tight slap. Then she
slapped him again for good measure.
People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of
the commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady
said to him when he called.
Junior said: "The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present.
Please try again later."
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sexyLeamon (f)
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immigration
A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute refugee claimant outside the Heathrow immigration offices.
'My good man,' the fairy said, 'I've been told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in England with your wife and three children.'
The man told the fairy: 'Well, where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them'. The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and --PING ! -- He had abrand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!
'What else' asked the fairy, 'two more to go'
The refugee claimant now got bolder' I need a big house with a three car garage in Oxford with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my refugee relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over here.' PING! - In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ, overlooking the river.
'One more wish,' said the fairy, waving her wand.
'Yes, one more wish. I want to be like the British with British clothes instead of manjams, and a baseball cap instead of this turban. And I want to have white skin like the British.' 'PING! - The man was transformed, wearing worn out jeans, an Eagles T-shirt and a Billabong baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon, 'What happened to my new teeth?' he wailed.
'Where is my new house?'
The fairy replied 'Tough luck. Now that you are British, you're entitled to f*** all!.'
And she disappeared!
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sexyLeamon (f)
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Elderly customer
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.
Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
"I'm 90 years old," he says.
"Ninety!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had it?"
"Oh, sorry," says the old man. "How much do I owe you?"
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D1KeleVra (m)
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lololoool |
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studio43 (m)
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Dikele hope nor be sey u don dey eye my babe?
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D1KeleVra (m)
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Don't be so insecure na! Someone has got me locked already. |
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