Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me

Thats enough reason for a woman to bail out. 
Women are to supoort/assist and not be the man. While a woman is trying to be all she can in her home, she also expects the man to handle his shiit.

@ Bolarge55 I feel u man. It's quite sad but realising your wrong is one way to solving the problem. Everything has been said so just pray hard and look up to God. He still does wonders today.

Bolarge55,

For those who err, which is only human, the path to restoration is self-realization.  Examples abound to attest to this.  Remember the prodigal son in the Bible was lost in his sin and wanton rebellion against his dad until he came to himself, and realized his wrong-doing.  In coming to himself, he had to ask himself several questions like: Why am I here?  What led me here?  Where was I before?  How do I get there?  What do I need to do?  At the end he concluded it was better for him to return to his dad where at least he can afford to eat as he likes and not with pigs.  Not only that, he actually got up and did so.  Guess what?  The father welcomed a lost but found son and threw a great party for him!

I don't want to sound preachy, but you need it.  Take a cue from the prodigal son.  Sit yourself down and think.  Would you want a nameless, faceless lady, whom you probably have not even seen physically (maybe she's even a cripple!), destroy your joy and home of 5 years?  Would you rather prefer her to your beautiful, lovely,  intelligent and resourceful wife (according to your own words)?  What do you stand to gain if eventually your wife files for divorce?

What you have to do is:

1.  Accept your fault and acknowledge you have indeed wronged her.  Consider what she had been through with you, helping you do your responsibility actually.  The last she would want to have is a lazy husband, that sits idle all day, flirting behind her.  Yes, that's what you have done and accept it.

2.  Ask for her forgiveness.  She's mad at you right now.  Try and go through somebody she really listens to, her pastor, best friend, mentor, guardian or whatever.

3.  Repent.  Simply put, don't do it again.  Convince her of this by your action.  Destroy the porn, get rid of the other lady, refuse to pick her calls, stop chatting with her.

4.  Concentrate on building your trust with your wife.  You don't have it right now.  She has every reason not to believe you.  You have to be seen to be trustworthy.  That is a foundation for a good marriage. Let her have access to your phone, don't keep any secret.  Take her out.  Don't take her for a fool, let her look up to you as her man, treat her like your queen, in short woo her like you did the other lady!!  I tell you, it's only a matter of time.  She will grow to love you again.

5.  Start now.

Have a great home.

Analytical has said it all.
To add to that, you really have to stop proving why you did what you did.  Just admit that you erred big time, and ask her to forgive you. Ask for a last chance to right your wrongs and get back to where you guys were before. Believe me, this is absolutely no time to be chauvinistic. You just have to plead with her. Also be ready to tell her all without witholding anything.

She will forgive you if she still has the capacity to love you again (which I believe she still does). However, if there's someone else in her life (which I deem unlikely), then you're screwed big time.

Much luck!

A cow dosent know the usefulness of its tail until it loses it.i am sorry for being straight foward but i think you deserve what your going through.

Ask yourself this; Does she really want a divorce because she can't trust you anymore and is no longer in love with you or is it because she is seeing someone else?
It all seems a bit harsh to me.

MY BROTHER  I EMPTHIZE WITH YOUR PRIDICAMENT,HOWEVER I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT ,A FEW THINGS ,FIRSTLY ,A GOOD WIFE IS VERY HARD TO FIND ,ONE WHO'LL LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN YOU'RE BROKE IS EVEN HARDER TO FIND,ONCE YOU FIND THAT PERSON ,YOU HOLD ON AND DON'T LET GO. YOU ARE NOT AS INNOCENT AS YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE US BELIEVE,YOU DID HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH THIS WOMAN, IT MAY NOT HAVE BEEN SEXUAL BUT THERE WAS INTIMACY AND YOUR WIFE DID'NT WANT TO PLAY SECOND FIDDLE  (SMART WOMAN) ,TRUTH IS IF THE ROLES WERE REVERSED IT COULD SO EASILY BE A DIFFERENT STORY,  ANYWAY,LOVE IS NOT A VIRUS THAT INFECTS YOU ,IT'S A DECISION YOU MAKE, AND IF YOU'VE DECIDED TO LOVE HER WITH YOUR LIFE IF NECESSARY YOU NEED TO FIGHT FOR HER,YOU SHOULD KNOW HER BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE, FIGHT FOR HER BRO, SHE NEEDS YOU TO DO THAT FOR HER ,WALKING AWAY FROM YOU IS NOT AN EASY DECISION FOR HER , GIVE HER A REASON TO COME BACK,AND IF SHE DOES LOVE HER AS THOUGH YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT, AND WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED OR IN A SERIOUS AFFAIR WITH SOMEONE LET HER KNOW HOW YOU FELL. I ALSO THINK THIS PAIN IS THERAHPUETIC,NOT ALL PAIN IS BAD IT'S HELPED YOU SE WHAT YOU'VE TAKEN FOR GRANTED FOR SO LONG,  I'LL BE ROOTING FOR YOU

That was so touching. I'm in tears. Ohh! life life life 

Be cool, Bolarges, be cool. I think your real fear is the loss of all the good things you've been getting from your wife which
could suddenly 'poof' if she leaves you. Should you succeed in getting her to stay, I believe you would continue with the
flirty behavior - but in a more discreet manner. THIS IS NOT YOUR FIRST TIME, REMEMBER?
Solution: Don't stress (not the end of the world) - just be of good behaviour, yeah,SHOW IT - and try to remove your brains
from between your legs and keep it where it should be, YOUR HEAD. I don't believe she is going anywhere, this is just a warning
strike. When you she has calmed down and changed (yes, changed) her mind, PLEASE try to make your brains remain at the
correct place.

If she is adamant (unlikely event), then be grateful to God for great mercies - for keeping you alive, giving you the privilege of
a great relationship with a great lady, opening your eyes to receiving a great (albeit, bitter) lesson for the future. Then focus on being a 'born again'
man - You can't be stupid twice - and march ahead. Sorrows are not forever!

Be cool, AND KEEP THEM BRAINS OUT FROM BETWEEN THEM LEGS!!

Bolarge, I wouldn't kick you while you on the ground already. Lord knows we've all had our own share of mistakes.  However, from what I'm hearing, sex wasn't involved yet so things might be a little easier. 
The trust factor is what would take a while to be built up again. On the other hand, it seems like you only showed penitence after she threatened to leave you. That to me shows that you underestimated human beings. Whatever you don't value or appreciate would go down. A lot of men do that. After they're married or gotten what they wanted they become proud and stopped showing affection to their spouses.  It's when they see the spouses say screw it and damn the consequences that they start running from pillar to post. 
My suggestion is that you seek forgiveness from the Lord and also from your wife. Getting back together should be the last thing on your mind right now. Let your goal be how to rebuild that trust. Take baby steps. I pray the Lord to speak to your wife and also grant you wisdom in this situation.  I pray He'd also heal all the wounds because I know both of you are hurting.

Boy u have really screwed things up.

1. Come clean with your wife with regard to your previous relationship with your unknown e-friends. Faithfully explain it the way it happened. No reasons why you did that. ( Biblically, if Adam had admitted his wrong-doing before God, he would have been given a lighter punishment- not Eve deceived me to do it)
2.Does your wife have a member of her family whom she confides in? If so, the person might hold the key.  You have to faithfully explain it the way it happened to the third party.
3. Do you have a member of your family whom you can confidently talk to and also has the respect of your wife?  This person might hold the key.
4 Your wife must have access to all your emails and phone records (NB: delete all the ones that might escalate the situation before you do that)
5.   I do not know your faith or spirituality, I would advise you to talk to a religious authority in your place of worship whom you can confide in.
6.   You have to work out the way of your salvation, since you blew the trust, you must work to earn it again, because it’s not what you get but earn.
7.   STOP further argument with her, because if you did not do it, you will not be in this situation. Take a condescending role in your house, like Bill Clinton did during his Monica Lewinsky’s palaver. He was the president but was forced to sleep on a couch as contrition for his sins.
8.   You have boxed yourself to a tight corner, because men are endangered species when it comes to marriage, talks like men are dogs and unfaithful will always pop up in her mind.
9.   Lastly, convince her to attend a marriage counseling with you.

Follow these steps and it shall be well with you, but remember to sin no more, because if you do, they will surely find out.

I feel no pity for u
You deserved wot is coming to you
if u respected your wife, You wouldn't humiliate her by chating to other women
Maybe u still have the Mind-set that u are in Africa where Men ditch out dirt to their Wives
Kudos to your Wife for being a strong woman

hello bolarge

first and foremost i would say you have wronged your wife badly.put yourself in her shoes,you getting to know she's chatting with other men how would you feel?a woman that took pains to make sure you joined her in the states and also got u a job,what more did you need?a woman who loved you with her whole being and beautiful for that matter.you know what would hurt her most ,you telling her there is nothing wrong with what your doing.haba.
no need crying over split milk.i would advise you to call your wife and beg for her forgiveness,if it means involving your family members.get the other lady to apologize to her because she's not worth 100 your wife.pray too because it's difficult to get over things like that.but there is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life,she will never trust you again.that's just the truth.
i hope your marriage really works out and hope you learnt your lesson too.
  goodluck   

Gosh are you going to be the same here!

Bubus, the same, yesterday, today and forever!! 
I offered a solution. Albeit something different. It might actually work.

It's too bad to hear you blaspheme.

O for the days of the Old Testament when thunder and lightning would have delievered instant judgement. . .