Please Help, My Wife Wants To Leave Me

It depends on the kind of wifey you have at home. . .

Bolarge, my heart goes out to you. I pray things will work out between you and your wife.
I have read your story and really sympathise with you.

I don't want to blame you while you are already in enough stress, but really, to a certain extent, you are the cause of the tension in your home. You were looking for something you obviosuly were not getting from your wife- emotional support? with another female figure. You say because you were idle.

I would say try everything under the sun to save your marriage, since you are the cause of the tension. Make it up to her. Dont argue and please stop saying what you did was normal- because it simply wasnt! Imagine if she did that to you with another man. You would be feeling the same way.

I think your wife is feeling dejected, incomplete and inadequate as a woman and wife because you sought elsewhere what you should have sought in your wife.  She is hurting and arguing with her will hurt her more. So stop ding that.
AND have you aplogized for your actions- i mean truly and meaningfully aplogized with explanation as to what drove you to seek comfort eleswhere? Sometimes a simple SORRY goes a long way and heals wounded souls. It also repairs lost trust.

Secondly, sometimes seperation helps- a moment to miss each other, to feel the absence and true meaning of the  other. Maybe you could try that.

I will pray for you man.
Your wife sounds like the ideal wife,

Good luck dear.

Windywendy, (like your username  ), when you find a marriage that is completely free of all those, please kindly let me know.

See, I still agree with Ugwumba, if she is leaving him because he is chatting with another woman, there seems to be more than he is saying or knows sef.

You know how many married men, I chat with? It is all harmless flirt. Nothing to it.

'to err is human, to forgive divine.' holiness or divinity requires that we have the ability to forgive. that is what the holy institution of marriage is about.

i am catholic and happy that dissolution of marriages are made very difficult.

  ;DIf I were you i would just call home and i will use love juju that she would forget all her worries just use nice juju,  incase you need a good dibia,babalawo call me 08029314720, once she go forget her name ,i don marry agbani before,even gennevive just call me i go tell you sey jazz pass fumble.

Good riddance to bad rubbish

throw your ego out the window and grovel like a pig fo rher forgiveness.  i really have no sympathy of u, but the fact that u hvae insight,might help u wiht her.  u need to make her feel special, and trust me that stupid girl that dared to insult your wife in front o fu is an idiot, some women disgust me wiht their audacity.  look, your future is very important and leave those useless girls alone, and focus on what is important.  Lucky for u, u know what is important

just havin the intention is bad enough.  wether or not he slept wiht the lady is not the issue.  he had intention and that is bad enough.  look he even said it, my wife is beautiful and there are a lot of men wanting her even with her ring on.  its eating him up inside becausehe knows once she leaves she will find someone else and become happy with out him.  and she is not even doing anything with those guys.  so he would be very upset if he found out that she was d oing the same thing he did.  hypocritical.

i see people cursing this guy out sha. yes he messed up big time but wetin the salt wey una dey rob for hin wound go do for am? my brother, the Bible says FOR ALL HAVE SINNED AND COME SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD. It's time for you to start praying and be the doer of the WORD and not the hearer only. I'm not sure what religion you affiliate yourself with but that's what I'll advise someone to do. , and I'm sure tired of reading comments from people that just yap the guy as if say that go help. Abeg stop the hypocrisy and search yourself well instead of casting stones!

if we were judged because of 'intentions' a lot of use would have been jailed / killed for one of the following.

1. rape - the 'intention' to have make love to a sexy woman you see (w/out knowing whether she would have consented). 

2. murder - the 'intention' to wring an annoying Nairalander's neck. 

3. public disorder - the 'intention' to be raped by a bevy of beautiful women.

the man's major offense was the lying to his wife (the bread winner), which was an 'act' not an 'intention'.

for that he deserves some punishment and probably counselling, BUT NOT DIVORCE.

@Bolarge55

Yup, you did wrong - seriously messed up, and what were you thinking anyway, you showed your wife your conversation with the other one, now ure in the middle of them both,

anyway, as all have been saying, try to make things up to her, promise to live up to her expectations, talk to her friends to help you talk to her, do you go to church? talk to your pastor to assist in counselling both of you,

but on a more serious note, with a less-than 1-year old kid in a 5-year marriage, and shes planning to move on, only God can save Marriages in the West,  methinks shes grown tired of you, not that she doesnt love you, but shes got the I-can-make-it-on-my-own virus up her sleeve. Besides she may be seeing someone already, from whom she might have received the promise that he(the other guy) will be a good daddy to your kid, so she might want to make the move now real quick before the kid knows the difference between who is who, or maybe all she wanted was a kid in the first place, someone to call her mommy, and now that uve messed up, its time to call it quits.

besides, what are her favorite nicknames? she might even be on Nairaland   

I do not like talking aboiu my private life.
But,
I was once working at the airport work started 4 am and you had to look good .Not just a roll out of bed job.
Well some times driving to the airport at 3 am in the morning i had the road to my self and i always ask my self  "What the hell am i doing here at this time of the day when i have 3 small kids at home . The father a lazy off had done nothing by the time i came back from work. only cooked for him and the kids no food for me and the dirty pots left for me.
When you do it long enough you get thinking.
Do you know what it can do to one coming home to find nothing done and the hubby sitting in front of the tv the plates not even cleared?
Then to crown it all backbiting you .

yes he was  i only have myself to blame.
But it is different when you are a family.
As of then i did not think it was that bad . If he had taking care of the houshold it would have been ok by me.
At the end of the day i did not what my kids brought up by a lazy bone that  is only good at showing them the easy way out.

@ katherinae
 lol

Is there really such a thing as harmless flirting? If it's really harmless, why the need to keep it under cover??

Anyway my view point is simple. If you don't want your house destroyed, don't mess with the foundation. You can't expect to mess continually with the foundation and wonder why the roof over your head is falling off. Trust is the foundation of any relationship. This Bolarge guy says he's lied many times, being caught with porn, etc, etc. He's obviously been messing with the foundation of his relationship for long, and now the roof is coming (or is about to come) down.

The way I see it, this guy is not truly repentant. He's scared of facing the reality of losing his wife. It seems like he only showed penitence after she started yapping with a divorce lawyer  The wife probably knows this and refuses to be fooled this time  . Abi, didn't someone say "once bitten twice shy"?

@Bhola:

I'll let you know , 

when I get married