Me, Myself & I

I feel a little guilty whenever my best friend tell me every little detail about her personal life (including the dirrrty stuff) and i reveal as little as possible. Not that i don't trust her but like i said earlier,i find it difficult to trust people and this bugs the hell out of me sometimes but thats why i choose to have just a few friends.
About the other habit i mentioned earlier(keeping to myself), there is nothing better than having your own privacy to reflect on what's been happening in your life and what you can do to make things better for yourself. My sis think i'm a weirdo who ignores the family. Maybe shes right, but i'm not about to change anything that.

I am going to discuss some people  but only wit the initials of their first names.

Gotta go now.

Before, i continue wai (y) is the initial of one of my best friends.
As i said, me and wai became inseperable and she got really concerned that i only choose to have platonic relationships with guys. Then, i've never had a boyfriend because i belived everyguy out there only wants to use and dump me (boy, was i naive or what). Then i came across jay. We both met in a lecture theartre at the backrow. It  was a bit dark and we couldnt see eachother properly but we got talking. I was suprised when he said he had known me for a while and he even can differciate me from my twin sis (we're identical). I was a bit ashamed  because i'd never seen before (another thing about me, i'm not good wit faces). Anyway, jay said that he liked me and he would like to be more than just friends. For the first time, i was a bit carried away and i started considering a relationship. Then, i started hearing some rather disturbing rumour about him, wai told me hes a big time playa and i even met one of his victims. They discouraging me from dating him. I started avoiding him without even confronting him. Around that time, i lost my phone and  got a new line so i totally severred every communication with him.
Then wai set me up wit eff so that i wont date jay. The whole thing was done secretly and i didnt appriciate it but we really hit it off.
Phew, i've gone far but there's more. C ya!

Eff first saw me and wai in a class. He told wai privately that  he liked me and stuff like that. Wai who was willing to distract me from jay agreed to hook me up with him. They made it seem like we were at the same place at the same time.  He introduced himself and we  got along with each other fine. I agreed to see him again on a date. The date went fine and he invited me to his room, things got really steamy and i was so close to losing it to him. I told him i've never had sex before and i can't just sleep with him like that. He was very understanding and agreed we should call it a day, but not before saying those 3 words (i love u).and i was like; don't say that,  you don't even know me. I was really excited about entering a relationship for the first time but i didn't feel the same way as eff felt eventhough i hoped the feeling would grow as time passed. I felt bad because he is such a nice guy and he deserted to be treated much better than the way i was treating him. After about six months, i called off the relationship because it was going nowhere. Maybe if i had tried harder, it would have worked out. Anyway, he seemed to be okay with the whole thing only to pour his heart out to wai, telling her how unfair i treated him. I still feel guilty about the whole thing till today.
I flew solo for a few months until i saw jay again and i realised that i kindda missed him.  He asked me why i was avoiding him but i was in a hurry and i  couldn't chit chat, but i promised i'll call him that night. I didnt call him until saturday night.
I've gotta go, i'll be right back.

me and jay started dating. i don't want to go into details but i can say that the romance was steamier than with eff except for one thing, i don't trust him.he told me he has changed over the year we lost contact,hehad cleaned his act up and is ready for a serious relationship. i didnt really mind, all i wanted was a non-commitment relationship. We've dating for over a year now,but i'm still holding back. though he never told me, i think he gets frustrated whenever i don't open up to him. two weeks ago, i called him and we had a row over the phone and he hung up on me. he has not called me since them.
I'll be out for a few days but, i'll sign with this question. WHY DO I ALWAYS MESS UP?
Gotta go now, don't miss me much okay.    

I was invited to a new year get together by my guy pal, kay. Kay is one of my best friends and some sort of confidante. At the party a guy introduced himself as emm. While we talked I couldn’t help but notice this other guy at the party. Not that he was so striking or something but I was just attracted to him for reasons I couldn’t explain. Later the guy came and “borrowed” me from emm. He introduced himself as gee and we hung out for the rest of the party. We spent about 30mins in his car in front when he took me home and it really seem we were about to open a new chapter in our lives. I was even planning in how to break up with jay. But after calling me the next day, he just stopped calling or sending text. Emm on the other hand called me almost everyday. He really wanted me to give him a chance, but after the failed relationship with eff, I’d known better than getting into a relationship when your heart is not into it.
Theres more I hope ill be able to continue a.s.a.p
       

After going though what ive written so far, I'm sure some of you reading this think i'm just a pathetic, silly man-obssed girl who is always desperate for attention from guys. That is far from true, actually, i'm a happy contented person. I'm open-minded and i get along with almost everybody. I love my live and everything about it(well almost everything). I get along with my ex and even the guys  i turned down.
With that cleared, ill be back with more emm gist. C ya!

Once again, I’m sorry I’ve not been consistent with this journal like before. So much has happened since then. Now where do I start…
I mentioned in the previous post that I’m back with jay, but to be sincere; I don’t really see a future for both of us together. So, I’m going to tell him whenever I see him that its over. I hope it won’t be too hard for me. I still have a soft spot for him you know, I’m just not in love.

Now let me go into details on the date with emm. During the date, he revealed a lot of things that really surprised me. He told me he had known and liked me for years since I was in secondary school but he didn’t ask me out because he felt I was too young, so he decided to try when I was a little older. I wanted to tell him that those sec school days was when I was most awkward and had little self-confidence and if he had approached me, it would have boosted my self esteem a little and I would have gone out with him. I didn’t. Instead, I told him there this other guy I like and im not sure if I’m the one for him. He spent the rest of the date telling me about his plans for the future and how he pictures me in it. He also told me that i’ll always be in heart even if we never get together. I pray he finds the woman he deserves (it could even be me). If it doesn’t work out with gee as I hope. I’ll propably give him a chance.
So guys do you think I should tell gee how I really feel about him? My e-mail address is in my profile. C ya!
 

telling gee how i felt about him really got a lot of things off my chest. i simply told him thah i wanted to be more than just friends. he was surprised and said it was "unafrican" for a girl to reveal that kind of thing to a guy, duh!!! welcome to the 21st cantury. anyways he told me that he's wrapped around a olt of things and he can't commit to a relationship right now. he didnt tell me to hang in there or if there  was a chance for us, so i've decided not to wait for him and move on. idont even call him anymore. now that jay is back in town ond i'm seeing less of gee, i have to admit that i'm gettind cloesr to jay than i intend to considering the fact that i want to break up with him (do i?).
as much as enjoy writing this journal, i'm having thoughts of ending it for personal reasons. hang in there, i will ba back?

me,myself and i
thats what i got
and heres i found out
aint need to cry
from now on gotta be my own best friend.

that was excerpts from beyonce's single. that was the music playing in my haed when i decided to start this journal. not that i was comparing myself to b's situation in the video, it was only the title of the song i connected to. i'm my own best friend and i that way i've learnt not to expect anything from anyone and the only person thet can dissapoint me is me

i want to wish everybody here on nl happy new year.  im sure everyone found a way to spenr thd holidays in spite of all what we went through all htrough the year ln Nigeria (lagos especially). i was opportuned to leave the hustle and bustles of lagos to the capital but trust me, it wasnt what i bargained for.

i was hanging out with a guy yesterday and he told me how irritated he gets whenever people (esp girls) pretends not to see you. that really got me thinking because i do that a lot. not that i regret it or i wont do it again but i couldnt help but think that i don't appreciate people enough.  

i've just been busted, a friend from school who has been reading this journal recognised me. i have to change my username asap .seun please come to my rescue oooo!

“:Why are you a Moslem?” “Is it because your parents are Moslems or you were intimidated into being one?" people hardly ask me these questions but I’m sure they really want to. Instead they make comments like “you don’t look like one” and I’m always like how is a Muslim supposed to look like? . because I don’t wear a long hijab dosent make me any less a Muslim
I am a Muslim because I believe in Allah (S.W.T) and his messenger, Prophet Mohammed (S.A.W), the noblest of mankind. I am a Muslim because I believe in the message and teachings of the prophet (S.A.W).

I’m sure some muslims are familiar with this text message;
Our network to Aljaanat (heaven) is Islam, the sim pack is Eeman (faith), the pincode is 2,4,4,3,4. The recharge cards are good deeds. Continue to recharge and get eternal validity

  ;d

I'm back from my indefinate hiatus (don't know how long i've been gone). So much has happened but not much has changed.

I hate arguing and arguments, it gets very exhausting and I try to avoid it as often as I can. Few times I argue though, I know I’m right and I don’t argue if I don’t have any backup point. I remember arguing with a girl over the nationality of FIFA chairman. She kept insisting that he’s dutch while I maintained that sepp blatter is French. What annoyed me most is that we were in a female hostel and the other girls (who obviously don’t know jack about football) told me to go along with her because she’s a sport writer for a mag I’ve never heard of (so she’s got to be right). What saved my name was when another girl came in and took my side, that kept quiet a bit though she didn’t seem convinced. To me, she’s just one of the many press people who has no business in that field. Just imagine how many people are misinformed everyday when they read the rubbish these reporters throw them. 

Still on the coach issue.
my sister was like;  he's an interim coach and its a temporary arrangement till they get a new coach. Year right, what interim coach recieves a seven figure salary (about 3 milla), a house and a car. Plus hes part of the nfa directorial board (or whatever) so he has a say on who becomes coach. Jeez i wonder who hes going to pick (and ultimately kiss goodbye to a lucrative salary and other awoof like that?).
Anyways, i hope they get their acts right and pick the right person who will be able to pick our football back from the dumps.