Types Of Uncles And Why They May Not Help

TYPES OF UNCLES AND WHY THEY MAY NOT HELP.
1. Poor Uncles
   He is poor, he has always been poor. Either because he has not been hard working or nothing has working in his favour despite his efforts. Over time he has come to accept his state and lived like that, as a poor man. He even thinks that you are too ambitions or crazy when you talk about your high dream of achievement and wealth. If you have one of these, you are strictly on your own, you can’t ask them for help rather you are saddled with the responsibility of charting a new course before poverty becomes a family tradition.
2. Highly Decorated Uncles 
   This one is working in a good organization and heads a department or unit with a high sounding title to go with office. ‘Chief Operations Officer: Special Duties’. ‘Personal Assistant (Messenger) to the Special Adviser on Chieftaincy Affairs’ etc. The only draw back is that his office and titles are insignificant on the hierarchy of the organization. They where probably created to boost his ego and not his pocket. He is just one step ahead of poor uncle.
   I had one some years back who was made General Manager of NACFA Kano. At that time the Kano out post of the Agency was the most inactive in the country. He had a three bedroom flat, a Peugeot Pick-Up (the only road worthy vehicle they had) and an office on the first floor of the office block overlooking the warehouse.  It was from this elevated position that he presided over an empty warehouse if you are clearing agent, you will know that an empty warehouse mean no clients and that means no income. Unfortunately for him, the Abacha government at that time was experimenting with commercialization of certain government Parastatal, Agencies like NACFE, were told to generate their own money! He also failed to take advantage of some opportunities that came to his way, because of that, some big jobs that came his way were taken over by the Headquarters in Lagos.
   Believe me, it would have been far better if the GM on his widely distributed complementary card stood for ‘GATE MAN’. If you are looking for assistance from this one, you will only end up giving yourself unnecessary headache. He is a shining example of ‘not all that glitters is gold’.
3. I Have Arrived
   Probably during his early days nobody thought that he will rise to prominence. But as it turned out, today he is the first member of his family/society today to bag a first degree, masters, buy a car or use corrugated iron sheets to roof his house. Because of this he believes in position and maintaining it at all cost. For this reason he will not be of help to anybody so that he is not surpassed or his position in family and society is not threatened in any way.
   He is the type that will educate his children and make others servant (or send them to learn one trade) so that his children too will inherit his position and remain on top. This is the reason why we have a lot of imbalance in Nigeria today, some tribes dominate the other tribes, and within an ethnic group some families are greater than the whole ethnic group put together. The situation is so bad that some people served a certain man, their children served the same man’s children and their grandchildren are still serving the same man’s grandchildren.
4. Promising Uncle
   This uncle has a listening ear. He will reason with you and give you hope. You will even feel lighter as if your burden have been lifted off your shoulder after discussing with him. He will give you month watering promises including when to come and collect whatsoever it is that you want from him. But that is where the story ends, empty promises! By the end of the day nothing will come out, suddenly he is not always around or ‘just left before you arrived’. You will spend money and time to tract him without success. He has the money and connection but is not interested in helping anybody and he finds it hard to look you in the eyes and say ‘no’. He will remain out of reach until you give up on him.
5. Mr. ‘Perfect’
   He has all that you need to solve your problem. If your problem was to jump over one obstacle before you meet him, make it two obstacles, because you have to jump over him first.
   The reason is that he is too good, he has an impeccable track record of excellence, therefore he is hard to impress. If it is admission you are looking for, he will not touch 8 credits and 220 in SSCE and JAMB with a long spoon. It has to be 8 A’s and 280. if he can make it like that in 1964, he sees no reason why you should not do the same in 2006.
   Since he is a perfectionist and has time for minute details, all he has to do is look at your feasibility study and it will go up in flames. By the time he is through with it, you will have to go back to write another one or look elsewhere for help. He is not the assisting type, he is only hiding behind his perfect world.
6. Big and Too Proud
   He welds considerable influence, so many of his subordinates, associates and even superiors are more than willing to do his bidding or will not turn down any request he makes. All it takes, is a phone call or a small note scribbled on the back of his gold plated complimentary card and so many doors will open before you.
   Bu he will not do any of that, because he is too big and proud to ask and too tight fisted to give. It you ask him to put in a word for you for a job, he will ask ‘what’s the hurry all about, why don’t you get your masters first?’ He preaches against the quest for wealth, always quick to point out that ‘money is not every thing’ while his wealth is growing exponentially! He talks about services to humanity, while he has never done anything for free before.
   Having this type of uncle blocks your chances of getting help from outside, because people think that you need no such help since you are related to ‘a big uncle’.
7. Champion of the Outside World
   He likes to hear people sing his praises, at home whatsoever assistance he renders, he will get the customary ‘thank you’ from his beneficiary, the type befitting a man that is living up to his family responsibilities. Probably because he will not get the full measure of praises at home coupled with the fact that he knows the sorry history of all his less privileged family members and underestimates them for that. He takes his help where his praises will be sung by professional praise singer.
   Like big and proud uncle he blocks your chance of getting help from others, because there are evidence of his generosity everywhere (but home). You may be looking for money to rent a shop, only to find out that your uncle has just helped the young man who is an usher in your church with a shop and a delivery van to start him up! For you to benefit from him you must be an outsider.
8. Good Uncles
   They are God’s answer, to so many people problems either within or outside the family. They are few and are not evenly distributed among the tribes. He does not believed that because he trekked to school as a child, every other person must pass through the same ordeal, despite the fact that there are many cars at home now. He is selfless and too much praise singing irritates him. He is not necessarily expecting payback from those that benefit from him, he simple believes in ‘helping those you meet on your way to the top’. If he finds himself in any position, he sees it as a temporary stopover and uses the time to assist as many as possible while he has the power to do so. He is not a guardian of position and is not afraid of anybody surpassing him.
   The Yoruba’s are blessed with a lot of these people; they have used this to dominate the civil service today. Also if a Yoruba man finds himself in London or America, he will do everything to pave the way for his other siblings to come over even if it means sharing the same passport. The Hausa’s are doing better compared to the other tribes of northern Nigeria because they are not afraid to help each other.
   However, this Good uncle ship can be taken to the extreme. The extremists among them are the architects of tribalism in most of our public institutions today. But at least they are a delight to have.