The Idea Of A Strong Black Woman

@Richy "Guff" Black

Eloquently put,you are still an idiot but every once in a while,lucidity creeps into your normally asinine Nairaland posts. 

The "strong black woman" myth is a sort of female version of young black men's attempts to be "gangster",a product of the hip hop culture.The type the US Police calls "wangsters" .The desperate attempts to live up to an image always leads to disastrous consequences for the woman.The irony is that the women who seek to live up to this image are often the weakest of their gender,uncomfortable in their own skin and desperately seeking another identity.   

@mazaje,
I've dated more than my fair share of "strong black women" and with time I've come to understand their MO. The real issue is that many of them come from broken/unstable homes. This is not saying that people from broken homes always turn out this way (A => B does not mean B => A, thank God for logic!), but that of those who turn out to be angry, the majority are products of their tumultuous backgrounds. At a young age they're made to believe that men will be the source of all their problems on earth.

Thanks to biased family laws that favor women in the US, after the divorce, the mother starts telling her daughter that her father is a "dog". Eternal pampering is reserved for their sons - thug-life is the sure destination [this is a whole different topic].

Not college-educated
The daughters grow up with some level of distrust for men. They self-fulfill the prophecy of their mothers by seeking out dog-like men. They avoid the men with character, compassion, humility and strength for the those living the thug-life - the bad boys. Those who do not fit the bad boy label, i.e. the good boys, are dismissed as "not cute",weak, lazy and unattractive. Of course the bad boys live up to their names and their anger towards men is only multiplied. The good boys are long gone, taken by more stable black sisters or white, Asian, or Latino women. Loneliness sets in and they now are determined to chart their own course - have babies! The intent is to 'create' a good man (better than their fathers and boyfriends) and a better woman (better than themselves). After several kids from different men, the cycle continues.

College-educated
They grow up being told to be focused and not allow any man to tell them what to do. Many times, they're indoctrinated with the idea that personal success (having a good job, buying a house, a nice car, etc.) is incompatible with success in relationships, a.k.a. marriage. Oprah is promptly used as the shining example. In a society like America where black women outnumber black men on college campuses, and where in every American family-based sitcom (except for a few like The Cosby Show), the man is portrayed as goofy, childish, stupid, or incompetent, the woman graduates from college with a warped view of men - dumb, need help, "can't write a check", can't balance an account, not educated, and mentally stunted. They meet a lot of men who confirm such stereotypes, but also meet well-educated brothers that they know not how to deal with. It all ends in what Abami Eda called "Power Show"! After several failed relationships they then decide to have kids. A black male victim is sought out. It ends in no marriage or marriage and then divorce - divorce due to "I'm college-educated and you're not"; or "I'm college-educated and no man tells me what to do"; or "I pay the bills here, how dare you?"; or "I make my own money and don't need your trifling ass!"; etc. She gets the kids and the cycle continues.

hmmmmmmmmmmmm


Hard to argue with your point of view, Richy

Thanks. Though they are drama queens, I still love 'em AA sisters. 

Thanks davidylan, I speak from my experience with them "strong black women". One love.

I concur with all that you wrote. I really don't get it why people always try to attach strong to black women. Are other races devoid of strong women? Your words in bold depicts the exact irony I feel when strong is attributed to the "black woman."

To me, the idea of a strong black woman is displayed by women who hawk on the streets selling agege bread, fish etc on their heads from morning till night with a baby tied on their backs. None of these women ready to shout "strong black woman" can do that.

lol we all knew it was a cliche perpetuated by those who need to remind themselves of their "pride" in their color. If they were truly "proud to be black" they wont hide their natural hair under tons of chemicals and asian/horse hair.
How many times do white women litter the internet with discussion forums about their color? You're born black and you can't change it, i suggest black women just get on with it.

davidylan, there is nothing wrong with black people showing pride in their color. you've forgotten that at one time westerners or slave owners equated being black with bad/dirty/no-good/inhuman etc. so its now proclaiming "black is beautiful" and all that is just a way for blacks to reclaim their identity and be proud of who they are. is it our fault that we are black? i have to say i'm at least proud of the systems put in place to remind african americans where they are from, what it means to be black, how to be strong minded and not let some ignorant asses make you feel any less human. too bad our culture in naija has a long way to go. its even more sad because we are real africans, although we don't practice racism (ok, tribalism sha which is equally bad itself), but we are ignorant enough to think that calling each other the n-word is cool, just because we see our african american counterparts using the word. that's another story entirely because naija people just like to follow follow like goats. 

when i was growing up as a child, although i didn't play with barbie dolls, i'm just realizing that i never saw other kids playing with black barbie dolls until i came to america. hence it is safe to say that as little girls, we didn't have the opportunity to be taught that playing with a black doll was acceptable, why? because they weren't even popular in the country. na so so white barbi doll boku for everywhere. i bet you if there are now, kids would still gravitate towards the light skinned, blue-eyed, blonde doll, because that's all they've seen and have been exposed to. its pretty sad, but i'm hoping it's changing now. girls should be taught to be proud of their dark color and not have low self esteem. i mean, if we don't teach ourselves these things and claim back our race, do we expect the westerners to? they judge you by your skin color already, so might as well let them who they're dealing with and shove their racism up their cracks!

yeah, stillwater, black people should quit complaining and start manufacturing products that will be beneficial to them as well, instead of having to "manage"  products made for other races. i even heard somewhere that its a "white" company that makes our hair products like "dark and lovely" etc. i don't know how true that is, but we do need to step up, although i think it's a challenge finance wise. its good to see some blacks that have money doing things to uplift our race, but more of us need to chip in. naija has nothing to show for this cause, and i'm laughing as i'm saying this because of how ridiculous it is, being one of the most populated black countries in africa. chei! where is all our billions of naira going to?

anyway, back to the story, its interesting that as nigerians, we take our skin color for granted, until we come abroad and face "in your face" racism where you then begin to question the fact that you're black. walai, i never even for a second considered my color when i was in my motherland. all we did was tease each other as per who's lighter or darker than the other, but alas, when i came to yankee, black is black, whether you're a light skinned or black-as-midnight dark skinned, all na the same to oyinbo man.

Well said.

Excellent point. It leaves me in hysterics anytime i hear fools with low self esteem claim they are better simply because they are "a shade lighter". 
Sometimes you wonder whether these people live in the same world as you do.

As long as you are not 100% white, the white world classifies you as BLACK! 

I don't need to yell about "pride" in my color before i prove that i am as comfortable in my skin as the nearest white man. Racism is alive and well, crying buckets of tears about it will do us no good.

I don't think it will last for as long as humanity. It will last until an new way of classifying people is created. Just like RACE as we know it today was created  not that long ago to classify people for the sole purpose of perpetuating a system of advantage.

@ drkchoclit

Don't get us wrong, we understand and sympathise with our fellow black people in the Americas. But please tell the hiphop videos to propagate the black community in a good light. Being black its not about smoking, using curse words, calling yourself the n-word, girls with their butts and not so real cleavages in your face. Is that what the likes of Martin Luther King Jr fought for? I think he fought for the right to education not the aforementioned.



But illiterate blacks have stooped to call themselves the n-word and  think it's cool?




But how many of today's African Americans are making use of what their strong and determined heroes fought for? Martin Luther King would turn in his grave if he sees his vision being made a mockery of by you guys. You have the right to go to school, you do not even have to pay for school fees in your public schools, but how many makes it to college or a university? If a black man makes something good out of his life they would say he's acting white. You guys should understand that the whites are not your problem, the problem lies in the African American community.

Don't get me wrong Lazy, I live in the US and I do not base my insights on television alone. You say I'm making generalisations but why is it just a handful that makes it to college?

Oh,  You are in the States. The only reason I said that is I know many African Americans that went to college and it seems like you may not. I think that the real issue is more with the African American males in handfuls going to college because the African American women go to college at a rate similar to other groups.