James Hadley Chase Novels: Share Your Experience

Wrong!

 author=Seun link=topic=2724.msg211003#msg211003 date=1140079050]
The story is a murder story, so I am offended by it.
@Seun, thanks for your comments too, everyone is entitled to his /her opinions, but maybe i will make up a love story specially for u!!!!!!

@ nicetohave, my contact/postal address is in your mailbox 

Well Seun, heres your story as promised,
Disclaimer, Any reference to people dead, alive or virtual is purely intentional Oops sorry coincidental!!!!! It is a total creation of the authors creative (?) mind!!!

CHAPTER ONE
Well GET A LOAD OF THIS, my marriage to CADE turned out to be a HIT AND RUN affair, the bitch really HIT me WHERE IT HURTS (my heart) and ONE BRIGHT SUMMER MORNING ran away with my money. It was a SHOCK TREATMENT!!! as I thought she really loved me, but WHY PICK ON ME? Well sooner or later, i will catch up with her, as GOLDFISH HAVE NO HIDING PLACE and since i have AN EAR TO THE GROUND, i figure she has BUT A SHORT TIME TO LIVE, (This sounds familiar no?) Anway I must state once again that I am not BELIEVED VIOLENT.

CHAPTER TWO
BELIEVE THIS YOU WILL BELIEVE ANYTHING, I am going to HAVE A CHANGE OF SCENE once again, this time i am on my way to Naijaland, where i learnt anything goes!!!For a start I am going to smuggle in lots of cash concealed in a COFFIN FROM HONG KONG so as to confuse the EFCC boys!!! THIS IS FOR REAL and YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN!!

CHAPTER THREE
My contact Mal- Olori (MALLORY) picked me up at the airport and took me to a hotel in Ojuelegba, which he told me was the best area for tasting the FLESH OF THE ORCHID,  Later that night, I attended a P-Square concert, that was where i saw Sinazy, It was as if MISS SHUMWAY(had) WAVED A WAND over me,the sight of her was hypnotic, she was a hot-angel and had looks that could MAKE THE CORPSE WALK. She was shaking her bizzy body to the beats. I couldnt resist the temptation to talk to her, So i went over and said, "WELL NOW MY PRETTY, wats your name"? She sized me up and said, "YOU MUST BE KIDDING, DO ME A FAVOUR, DROP DEAD"!!!. But i wasn't to be discouraged. As i was on my way back to the hotel, I was accosted by two policemen, "Oga where's your particulars"?, one of them asked, i was speechless and the only thing i could say turned out to be the P-Square lyrics which i had picked up at the club and which were runnung through my mind, it went like this "Oga police, na wetin be this? You jus dey stress me, dey vex me, which kind yawa be this"!! The police officers were apparently shocked as one of them yelled, "Ehen, so u think you are smart ehn? This is refamation, i mean defamation and drunk walking!! You must settle us or u go spend the night for cell nonsense"!!! Well since i had THE WORLD IN MY POCKET, that wouldnt be a problem i thought, i brought out some crisp dollar notes, the WHIFF OF MONEY brought them to full attention and i gave them $100 dollars. Emm "HAVE A NICE NIGHT," sir they exclaimed and saluted. Well seems "I HOLD THE FOUR ACES, now" I thought,
"This one na COME EASY GO EASY o"!!! I heard one say to the other,

CHAPTER FOUR
The next day, I saw her again at Nairaland, the local joint, she was the cyncosure of all eyes, mustering up all my courage i went up to her and offered her a drink saying "HAVE THIS ONE ON ME", she accepted it and poured the contents over my shirt, "TELL IT TO THE BIRDS"!!!, she replied. Her action sent an electric shock through my body, somewhat like A HOLE IN THE HEAD!! "WELL THERES ALWAYS A PRICE TAG", I thought, "WHATS BETTER THAN MONEY"?, its just a matter of time, till "when you are mine", i consoled myself.Thats when Bagoma came up to me and said " Sorry about my friends behaviour, a guy once gave her the DOUBLE SHUFFLE, thats why guys to her should be TRUSTED LIKE THE FOX!!!! But you seem such a goodguy so don't worry, i'll put in a good word for you. "YOU MUST BE KIDDING"!! I said, "not at all", she replied, "anyway nice2have spoken to you". Isheun the owner of Nairaland came up to me and apologized "sorry, sometimes it gets rowdy in here, I keep trying to enforce the rules but to no avail!! He handed me a shirt with the inscription "Nairaland rocks" on the front, "TRY THIS ONE FOR SIZE" as yours is ruined, he said. "Thanks", i said "I shall treasure it", anyway do you have a size TREIZE (13) for my soulsista Nike4luv ? Sure he replied, please don't forget to register as a member, you could stand the chance of winning a place in our Top ten Nairalanders promotion and win some great prizes". "Ok", i replied," hey also i really like this your joint, are you willing to sell? A million dollars STRICTLY FOR CASH"? No thanks, he replied, I WOULD RATHER STAY POOR, than sell Nairaland. "Ok", i replied but don't forget, YOU HAVE YOURSELF A DEAL, if you change your mind". "Hmm", thought Isheun, "first, they want my head for being so strict, now they want my job!!!, Seems I will be SAFER DEAD"!!, Anyway Nairaland and I, WE'LL SHARE A DOUBLE FUNERAL!!!

CHAPTER FIVE
SIX MONTHS LATER,
After a lot of follow ups!!!

KNOCK KNOCK, (pounding on my door) WHO'S THERE?,I asked, "Its me Sinazy"!! "Really!!, Well they say THE VULTURE IS A PATIENT BIRD!!!!, I shouted with joy. "And You'VE GOT IT COMING", she smiled, came in and closed the door,
Well the rest is x-rated, so FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!, but just know that, as I am about to LAY(figure of speech o!!!) HER AMONG THE LILIES, MY LAUGH (still) COMES LAST!!!! Once again!!!!!

THE END
Hahahaha  SEUN that was specially for u!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jalal,
I couldnt believe what i was reading. WOW! that was um um em words fail me. but let borrow cushmans words that was brilliant.
i was laughing all through. very funny i tell you.
well done o.
i hope seun likes the story.

Nice memories you guys are bringing on here. I love it. Can we make it more interesting by bringing out some of those lines and phrases in the novel that brought the topic. I will start with some of them as follows:

"No deal Mr Sladen, I think you are bluffing, anyway, you will be safer dead"

"If i don't find the killer of my brother, I'll bury my dead"

"if you don't produce my daughter in 3 days time, consider yourself dead

"

niceto have, I concur, you know I did all the above off head, and I must admit it is been a long time say early 80s when I read those novels. But something still tells me, there is a line like the one I posted above. By the way, i am yearning to read some of those novels once again, but I can't find where i can buy them. am resident in abuja, any tip for me? Like yourself, I intend to have a collections too.

Quiz time, guys!!!!!!                                                                                                            1.he is lean,wiry with blue eyes and a maddening     wife.                                                                                                                   2.he is tall,well built,has streaks of grey in hair,a philanderer,has a knack 4 getting out of tough situations and also sometimes an unofficial agent.                                                                                                                3.head of universal services with a brown-eyed beautyas partner                                                                                                               find out these characters and remember, THERE IS ALWAYS A PRICE TAG                                                                                           

 that was brilliant,nicetohave.u are what chase would  have called a smart cookie.yes, u got the answers but take this!!!!!!                                                                                                              1.wears  an orange wig because he is bald as an egg    2.thin,birdlikewith spectacles 3.cop who controls the cophouse when Terrel is not around, TRY THIS ONE ON FOR SIZE                               

corlay your questions are coming with less and less clue, just check out your 1st and 2nd question  :

anyway the 3rd one is sergeant ehm, ehm  Jezz wtf? the name will come to me later, but please supply the answers:


Yeah you got his biography right but his first novel is NO ORCHIDS FOR MISS BLANDISH, the first and what most chase fans believe is the "hottest", i think so too. The flesh of the Orchids is sequel to NO ORCHIDS FOR MISS BLANDISH.

I've just picked my own copy of JHC.

   @nicetohave, thanks for such a wonderful prize and keeping your word. we need more people like you here 

his books triggered the reading habit for me.i remember my very first - the way the cooky crumbles.
but somewhere along the line,i kind of noticed that they all have a particular pattern (my personal opinion) and that became kind of boring.

Hello everyone, am an ardent reader of james hadley chase, at my last count i av read about 80 different hadley chase, my read my first chase when i was im primary 4 (WANT TO STAY ALIVE: POKE TOHOLO).I had to wrap the novrl because my friends were always calling me a bad boy(because of the screaming front covers).The title of the novel in question is "my laugh comes last" in fact i can remember d summary, it goes thus "the safest bank in the world they call it, at least the press do when it was given a world wide publicity. The man who wanted to break into it was no fool, he was a ghost out of branniger past, murder and blackmail were just games to him"
i just finished another of David baldacci's novel "SPLIT SECOND" man the guy is one of the BOMB.

Hey guys
this is a nice place to be,bringing back memories of days gone bye,as a teenager you I.Q are measured then by the nos of James hardley Chase novels you have read.

i look back to those golden days when we where nicknamed james hadley chase by even our fans who follow our conquest of pees in reading competion.

I don't and can't remember our many of chase's book i have read but i know THE WAY THE COOKIES CRUMBLE. KNOCK KNOCK WHO IS THERE ?THE VULTURE IS A PATIENT BIRD,THE WHIFF OF MONEY,COFFING FROM HONG KONG,EVE,THERE IS A HIPPIE ON THE HIGHWAY, OOOOOH   dony let me think back a very good memory though,

There is one i am trying to remeber :this guys steal and  uses perfumes to kill those who double crossed him

i love james hardley chase, i have read almost all his books, i still pick them up at the library to re-read. I remember when I started reading chase in secondary school, I used to think I was such a sleuth, ha, chase,

NiceToHave, Bagoma and Cushman - where  u all at? I just followed this thread and it seems now the heat had died down somewhat but Niceto Have: thanks for the memories.

I used to read Chase in high school in Kenya but now they are nowhere to be found. I heard someone say that there is a dealer in Kano - can someone let me know how to get in touch with them? Would they ship overseas?

Oh - my favourite character was Malik - the Russian. Such a brute! They all have the same plot but for me it is the suspense that always made it worthwhile!!! Long Live Chase!