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fabian (f)
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Great Script for a movie, I say!
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oakoni (m)
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Baby girl its a God given sign if i ever heard of one.Even if you still ''love'' him ,what about the high chance of catching AIDS? Just continue thanking God.
p.s. Is he Nigerian?(really surprised if he is)
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amayna (f)
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WHAT THE F***?
you caught ur FIANCEE with a guy, actually doing it and ur STILL ASKING QUESTIONS?....
Your not serious ooo, u beta carry ur thing go before he gives u AIDS and ruins ur life.
better be happy that u found out before u got married, and make sure u get an AIDS test if u were sexually active with him..
hmmm....WONDERS SHALL NEVER END!!!
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Candace (f)
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It's not shocking to see most of you can't conceive or believe that her Fiance actually cheated on her with another man. Being a woman of personal experience it's easy for me to believe.
Whats absurd is that you're actually wondering if you should stay and go ahead with this marriage, when there is clearly lack of trust, devotion, respect, honesty: Most of all honesty. Did you have sex or unprotected sex with him? Now you should be questioning your health and if you infected you with any STD.
What your fiance did is deceptive: for now i would say you have all the proof your - eyes: You caught him in bed...there is nothing more needed.
Now it would be wise to ensure your health is intact and now assess your life and your values. You must question why you didn't notice his sexual preference before, maybe you're too trusting . More importantly you're like millions of women especially black women who don't believe that their men may prefer same sex relationships.
Finally if you think discussing with your fiance about the issues that led to his infidelity - ( with a man)......will help you in some way to heal and understand the situation, i wouldn't persuade you not to: But Maintain the focus that his reason will not excuse him; hurting , embarrassing, neglecting, dishonoring, deceiving and disrespecting Unot to mention the awful atrocity he made against God and your commitment to each other.
I wish you the best, but as black women we need to be more informed about our men's action in our society.
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allonym
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The chances of a gay man getting aids is the same as the chances of a straight man getting it, if both are having sex indescriminantly with anyone and not using protection.
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Jakumo (m)
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Allonym, your statement that straight men are just as likely to contract AIDS as gay men is categorically and blatantly WRONG. In my earlier post on this subject, I was trying to avoid being too specific about the mode of AIDS transmission in gays, so as not to offend more sensitive readers, but here are the ugly, indisputable facts.
Gay men practice anal sex. The human rectum is lined with very fragile tissues which are easily ruptured by sexual penetration. Such ruptures open DIRECT blood-to-blood infection channels which, next to a transfusion of unscreened blood or the sharing of tainted hypodermic needles by junkies, are by far the most efficient means of transferring the AIDS/HIV virus from one infected man to another. It is for this reason, coupled with rampant promiscuity, that the AIDS epidemic in Western Europe and North America decimated the gay MALE population, while having a substantially smaller impact on the straight population. Non IV-drug abusing lesbians, on the other hand, who have no sexual contact with men, have generally recorded by far the LOWEST infection rates globally.
Allonym I make no moral judgments about gay men, but the statistics bear witness to the fact that the specific type of sex they practice is analogous to playing Russian Roulette with a loaded gun, given the real and documented risks inherent in the gay MALE lifestyle. To each his own.
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alheri (f)
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My sister,it is well with u. i can imagine the flashbacks and nightmares uve been going through and for u to still be WANDERING what to do is BEYOND me. my friend, will get out of his life or are u going to wait till he sticks it into you from behind? sorry for been so mean,but, get a grip on yourself girl, if you can't accept it ,U can't!!!so move on!
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allonym
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Allonym, your statement that straight men are just as likely to contract AIDS as gay men is categorically and blatantly WRONG. In my earlier post on this subject, I was trying to avoid being too specific about the mode of AIDS transmission in gays, so as not to offend more sensitive readers, but here are the ugly, indisputable facts.
Gay men practice anal sex. The human rectum is lined with very fragile tissues which are easily ruptured by sexual penetration. Such ruptures open DIRECT blood-to-blood infection channels which, next to a transfusion of unscreened blood or the sharing of tainted hypodermic needles by junkies, are by far the most efficient means of transferring the AIDS/HIV virus from one infected man to another. It is for this reason, coupled with rampant promiscuity, that the AIDS epidemic in Western Europe and North America decimated the gay MALE population, while having a substantially smaller impact on the straight population. Non IV-drug abusing lesbians, on the other hand, who have no sexual contact with men, have generally recorded by far the LOWEST infection rates globally.
Allonym I make no moral judgments about gay men, but the statistics bear witness to the fact that the specific type of sex they practice is analogous to playing Russian Roulette with a loaded gun, given the real and documented risks inherent in the gay MALE lifestyle. To each his own.
In case you didn't know, HIV is transmitted just (maybe not as easily) through unprotected vaginal sex. So, if a gay man and a hetero man wore a condom that didn't break, they have the same chance of contracting HIV from their partners 0%. Therefore, a statement saying that gay men are more likely to contract HIV is WRONG, simply for the fact that I can provide scenarios where both have an equal chance of getting it or both have zero chance of getting it. |
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Jakumo (m)
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Allonym I do agree with you that use of a condom that remains intact is the most effective precaution against infection by AIDS, regardless of whether a man mates with women, other men or livestock, but my point relates more to what happens if the condom tears or is not used at all.
Most medical professionals will agree that the human anus possesses neither the natural lubricants nor the elasticity and resilience of a vagina, and as such is comparatively easy to rupture during sex. This simple physiological reality explains why the initial AIDS outbreak in the West claimed gay lives almost exclusively.
To the writer of the starting topic of this discussion thread, I advise that since her fiance has shown himself to be a dedicated "back-door man", he should be shown the door before it is too late.
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allonym
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well, yeah, DUH, if you don't use a condom, you've got a whole different ball game. But what if I made some post like this:
It's better to trust your money with Americans, Nigerians will steal it they are so corrupt.
You will get mad at me. . . until I say, oh, I was only talking about nigerian 419 scam artists. . .
Well DUH, everyone would agree not to trust your money with a thief, however, your original statement, and my example statement, not only are they very misleading, they are also very hateful, and if you haven't noticed, hate is a thing i'm having a hard time tolerating.
So, if I'm giving you a hard time about this, I just want you to realize the clarification your statement needed and the issues i saw with it. . .
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tdave (m)
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There are lots of gay Nigerian men. You should have a honest talk with your man and hear what he has to say. If he is gay, then you might want to reconsider marrying him. If he is bisexual, then you should ask yourself how comfortable you are with it (note: being bisexual does not mean he'll cheat on you after marriage), and if the whole thing was a mistake, grab your man and run to the altar.
What's key here is communication. You haven't done that.
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Z4M4eva (f)
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He is GAY, ya want to marry a GAY MAN?  , it ain't too good,girl,I would say ERR.NOPE!  |
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NduGod (m)
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This is serious  . my sister a stich in time they said........ If you must marry him you have to hold on first. This is a life decision. |
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timmy (m)
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well, personaly i don't think you should marry him, he has choosen his own part, good God allowed you to catch him, wath if you caught him after marriage, obviously the guy is not for you.. just let him be.. I'm sure you are beautiful and a wonderful person thats why he still wants you back... Just get your braises up and move ahead,, there somany straight guys out there who would be the man of your dreams, your husband and the father of your children  |
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sweetnini (f)
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marrying that man is going to be a war oooooo
he will bring men home and they will all, plus you do it......
please oo don't put yourself in such a mess he is GAY and he wants to marry u as a cover up so people wont see through him esp.his family so my dear don't make a mistake
He don't love you
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boye1
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in the matters of love don't give hasty advice
u want ma candid advice i know u love this guy because if u don't u will not table this issue here but this is what i think don't let anyone influence ur decisions u are the one in the relationship so u understand ur man just do what u think is best for u and guess what he could be the one for u if u leave him how are u sure of the next one coming ur way but lest say u don't leave him how are u sure he will stop so its two way. girl life is a risk,just be sure its worth taking
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nicetohave (m)
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You kidding steff...and you still hang around long enough for him to still tell you he wants to marry you? if a woman "horn" me with a man i'D call it competition and feel bad, if a woman "horn" me with a woman i'D go for thanksgiving and "scram"....do ya get the message?
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nicetohave (m)
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there are very few instances when you point blank tell a man or woman to leave his/her spouse and this is one of them!!! i feel for you steff, if you need to talk to a professional please do but definitely marriage with him is a no, no....gay ke? "abasha" |
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chrisd (m)
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Stop talking all this nonsense. Leave him and find yourself a real man. Who wants a man like that. I don't know, you're desperate or what. In this case, this love of his is just a bullshit work. You caught him in the act, there is nothing to explain. Just watching him is enough. Is this really what you want lol, I don't think so. So pull yourself up girl and find a man worthy of you. I might seem a bit harsh but you need it lol.
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chocolatte (f)
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As everyone is saying:
THERE IS NO NEED TO ASK THE QUESTION, YOU NEED TO FINISH WITH HIM UNLESS YOU DON'T MIND HAVING A BI HUSBAND.
I am a very open minded person and don't care who anyone sleeps with, blah blah blah but when it's done in that kind of way and ruining people's lives then it's really bad.
If this guy has done this, then he will do it again, for him to sleep with another man is not easy (unless he likes anal sex and couldn't get it, so all he did was enter from behind but still a man is a man and it would feel different).
If he thinks his Bi then he should have told you and atleast then you could have made your mind up, because for you to be asking if you should still marry, simply means you were ok with this/don't really mind.
That most be hard. I feel for you girl.
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panthress (f)
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wait its not that u caught him in bed with another woman but another man, please don't marry the dyke hez bent and llikes somethin up his bad datz bad. unless u stand seein ur husband in the office with another man, and eyein every Manchester United see with him, not to talk of da women. to much palaba
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sexyray (m)
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hey baby gurl,
ur situation is not really critic thatn what u could have considered nothing.To me,if i were to be in ur shoes,i would have ignored what i sw n talked senses into ma lover one's head.Not than I'm appreciaing what's done but to be considerate,that's the best thing u could have done.
Ray.........
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Excellency (m)
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The only thing to do in that case is: "Ditch the guy and get on with your life." Perhaps pray that you and I meet so we can get married to each other.
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eveseh (f)
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if u love him,than marry him and if u forgave him
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Kadeejah (f)
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buh he'z gay  |
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wabiye (m)
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na wa o. what is this world turning into
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olutomiwa (m)
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Ol girl,i thank God 4 d discovery,give d guy a BIG RED CARD,FIRE HIM,LET HIM GO.GO CHURCH GO DO TESTIMONY AND THANKSGIVING.
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haywhy (m)
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Would he have forgiven me if he caught me as a lesbian? Hell no he would park d marriage plans. Please help; what do I do? Should I continue getting married 2 him or let him be?
The highlighte text above has answered your question. please move on with your life!
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Echidime (m)
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My sister forget him,if you go ahead and marry him; he will sleep with you in the night and sleep with his GUY friend in the afternoon become coming back home, so no need to marry him unless you want to share your husband with a man.
And no amount of SEX you may give him that can ever satisfy him,even if you both have sex for 24hours a guy man can't be satisfy, unless he fucked a man like him, what a pity, please look for a normal man and marry ok,so many single men are out there looking for you.
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jbuoy (m)
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u said u caught him doing it and he said its not what u are thinking, then what on earth was it if u really saw it all in ur front, a nude massage or comparism of organs? Its even better or easier for him to catch u as a lesbian, i wuldnt mind if i knw my girl is a lesbian as long as i love her and she loves me too, at least its better than catching her with another guy, and i feel its better to imagine that than imagining a gay. As for me i wuld advice u to do wats best for u and ur future family plus kids, go get another guy out there, there are many good guys out there, unless u can live with it, then go ahead, but i wuld be sorry for what wuld happen to ur ass too.
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swiftycool (m)
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@ Topic
AAAAAGHHHHH!!!
RUN!! HONEY RUUUUNNN!!!
Even when you get back together, you'll never be able to COMPETE
Run NOW!!!!
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