How Can I Stop Choosing The Wrong Men

I don't think u have a bad character neither am i saying u r a saint, but am simply saying is that u r just a simple lady looking for her heart desires. One thing about love is that true love builds up with time and not first attraction, so it can stand the test of time.

So just clear your mind, socialise more and give 'em guyz more oppportunity to know u better.

To be honest C2H50H, i'm the kind of person that will say what i need to say and that's it. Don't expect to give me a sermon and after listening to it, wait for me to say thank you sir, you are not my Father, he's the only one entitled to that respect. If i have an opinion, i will voice it, and if you don't have the sense to reciprocate the patience i showed while listening to you, then u'll get an earfull. Other than that, i don't have to say anything to you, thats why we are Adults. I'd like to think i'm trustworthy but i am stubborn. Howeva, with all these flaws, once i realize i want out, they neva leave me in peace. That's what gets me sooo angry. I once complained to a guy friend and he claimed it was because they saw the softness under the anger and they felt persistence would wear it thin and i'd let them into my life again. That just doubled my anger, i show the soft side of me cause it's easy that way, you want to be able to care for someone openly and not have them use it as an excuse to trample on you. So all said and done, i took the trampling, dusting myself off, and told them being soft doesn't equate to being a moron.

So C2H50H if you can tell me how best to get across to them that  1. we are never going to be friends 2. that the things said will always stand between us and that 3. calling me and txting me to ask how am doing is not showing you care in my books, but simply insisting that my feelings don't matter, i would gladly implement  that method, cause right now i'm moving forward and keeping silent.

' Ao can i stop choosing the wrong men?'

Maybe u shuld stop being d wrong Woman.

ezinne1212  u should ask urself what attracted to those men in the first place?, perhaps their pedegree, either family or career prospect?
If those were your yardstick I think U're the problem. U sounded confident but I question your esteem, insecurity is not far away.

Ezinne seems to be a 'Say it as it is' kind of person. I really admire that.
But every guy may not be comfortable wit that.

@Ezinne

Take life one step at a time. Don't go looking for love. Give out love and true love will find you.
Goodluck.

@ poster


did yu know that with each human being,comes diff characters??

for future reference, pls have that at the back of your mind. no one can

be like you. you have to learn to adapt if you want to be with somone

based on yur description, i did say that those guys were creeps.

Also, dont be demanding, like maybe you have a dream guy in yur head

and you want that guy to act just like yur dream guy,  that aint gonna work.

its will only scare the guy away.

my 2yen

Lol you sound like a ticking time bomb that is about to explode.  Try to relax a bit.  Calm down.  Don't allow your frustrations to get the best of you.

Maybe your approach to problem-handling is the root cause of the compatibility issues that develop in the relationships you have been in.  Don't expect someone to just come into your life and fit perfectly right away.   From what you have posted, it sounds like the men you date are trying to "ride" you.   Stop going after men like these, they are bad news.  I also think your post sounds very "me" oriented.  It is important for you and whomever you enter into a relationship with to see a duality and to recognize that some sacrifices are necessary - sometimes huge sacrifices - to make a relationship proceed in the right direction.  It could be that you being too standoffish pollutes your relationships.  By that I mean that you seem to allow your pride to get in the way a lot; I think it's because you're stubborn.  Guys might find it uncomfortable and see it as a turn off.  They could be intimidated by you because you refuse to set some of that pride aside.  If you keep clutching onto that "my way or the high way" mentality, most of your relationships will be doomed. I would personally tell you to get off your high horse every once in a while to eat some of that humble pie.  Treat people the way you want to be treated.  Giving someone an earful because he fails to listens to you is a tad bit on the immature side to me; he is not your child.  You wouldn't want the same done to you.  By earful, I hope insults are not a part of that ritual.  Most guys hate being insulted and nagged to death.  You shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who isn't willing to listen to what you have to say, anyway.  When you voice your opinion about whatever is on your mind, try to keep in mind that words can be dangerously sharp prongs poking at the skin.  It's important to be mindful of what you say, to avoid hurting the feelings of your significant other in the process.  You must also know that there is a time and place for everything.  Your partner may not always be ready to talk at a particular time.  Study his moods and learn to pick your spots.  Have some patience.  If he has earned your respect let him have it.  You need to lighten up a bit.  Start seeing him as a lover instead of an intruder invading your life.  I'm not asking you to be dense or a pushover or something, but show some submission out of reverence for God.  

I don't have a magic pill that is going to solve your problems.  You need to make a lot of changes within yourself as well.  Mix up the caliber of men you date (sounds like you already do that anyway).
If they do call/text to ask how you are doing, it might be because they care about you.  If you aren't ready to let your lover break up some of those defensive walls you have built inside of you, I think love would have a hard time thriving in your life.

Unlike what someone suggested earlier, don't sit around like a lazy skunk expecting love to come knocking at your door.  If everyone sits around waiting for love to find them, how much love would be there for the taking?  Y ou also can't go around looking for something if you have no idea what you're looking for.  Do some soul searching first.  Keep having your fun.  Love will be there when you least expect it.

Maybe I can add more depth to my response when I'm fully awake.

Goodluck.

Simple Answer - GET MARRIED - that way the choosing part would be over.

@ Ezinne: there is no remedy for not choosing bad guys and u can never know how good someone is unless you get close to them. to find a suitable mate, u may have to encounter some unsuitable guys for you. like someone already said, just be yaself and be sure of what you want with reasonable expectation and u be aight!

hmmm, nagging is out of the question, I don't have that kind of saliva. Really, do relationships have to always be about marriage right off? I just wanted to get along with someone, have a companion. I never asked them for a dime, or anything in material form, what i did ask for was honesty and loyalty, things i can give back. Is that really asking for too much? Is is difficult for people to be straight forward, call a spade a spade and expect to get that back. if you cuddle my ego i'll cuddle yours, or is it supposed to be one sided? I had one fall in love in the first fortnight and decide for the next three months if he was in or out of it. I didn't commit to such, i'm not like that, and i was plain about it, but tried to make him know i respected what he felt. I believe actions speak louder than words, is that so wrong? Anyone can say they love you, but how many people actually show it? i'm curious, are your relationships 50-50? You're humans like me, have you let your standards drop, just to simply take what you can get. I don't care about status, or cars and what not, But i need to know that you see me as i am, and not an illusion of what you want me to be, because i cant accept you otherwise, it doesn't seem fair. is that so harsh?

Thnx all.  It's the past, but for my present i needed to correct myself, and for my future i needed to learn, no one is above that.

These guys from the front are not 'in need' per say, but neither were they rolling in dough, it was irrelevant. Looking back, both found me, and even though their stories didn't add up, i let it fly simply because they seemed normal. I have faith in God, and the fact that there is good and bad out there, so my immediate desire wont be marriage or love but to be able to have the grace to trust someone else, everything else comes with time.

I had been an object of deceit myself and I had been at the junction you now find yourself.
A word in season saved me  " You are deceived because you do not have the Holy Spirit"
The heart of man is desperately wicked, no man can ordinarily know it. I didnt know it and you cant know it no matter how smart you are.
Trust the Holy Spirit, Renew your friendship with Him, stop lowering your standards, He is the source of true and ultimate Love.
Forget all about the issues of the past, Forgive those who had dealt with you treacherously, and forbear those experiences as if they never happened.
Your future is great. You have all it takes to be a virtuous woman and the right man will find you in a miraculous way.
Be of good cheer, Good men will choose you not the other way round. He who finds a wife not she who finds a husband. It is well!!!

 

I ran into a friend in west London who just moved to Nigeria about seven months and what he had to say about the morals of women in Nigeria was not encouraging, especially for someone that is planning on moving back to Nigeria and hopefully find a good Nigerian lady to marry. Any decent ladies still left in Nigeria?

My girl friend told me this years back which I have come to realize that most good men are not in a flashy cars.

Hmmm,you need to do some soul-searching to see if maybe you have been the wrong woman all along