My Girl Friend Told Me She Was A Virgin For 5 Years But Now Says She's Unsure?

I have a girl friend for five years and when we met, she told me she was a virgin. Her mother equally told me the same story that her two female children were not waywards and I believed and I told her that so I am and never known any girl up till now. We moved together for 3yrs b4 I left Naija and I kept her as I met her. Before I left Naija more than two years ago, we went privately (only the two of us) to the registry to register the wedding.

Today, she was asking me whether I want to marry her because she told me she was a virgin but I have never thought of that question because all the ladies that have have been my friends have always been virgins. The last was the one we did MSc together in UI in 2003. I have never asked any of them and neither did I tell them that I have not known any woman. The way I used to discover used to be when I attempt to act as if I wanted to make love with them and they would tell me they have never done it b4 and I tell them mine story as well.

Now this my fiancee (already registered as wife) is now telling me that she is not sure because when she was in secondary school at 17yr old, his boy friend attempted to finger her but she shouted when she felt the pain and when the guy wanted to insert her screw, she prevented him by shouting. Now she said she is feeling she is still a virgin because she did not see any blood during the incident and did not know how far the guy's finger penetrated. She came to visit me in UK and wanted us to have sex but I told her we are yet to get the Godly and moral licence from God thru church wedding which we both aim to do soon.

Can a lady be a virgin and not sure??

Ladies and gentlemen of Naira land, what do you think of her and how do you think I shud react?

If truly u luv her my man 4get virgin or no virgin,some girls are like that ok.She might be true of what she is telling u.

Why bother urself if she's a virgin or not wen u both luv each other.

Virgin or no virgin the bottom line is LOVE .

It is just bcus u have not done it b4 as clamed, but be open to each other.

When a woman if fed up, there's nothing u can do about it. She's totally fed up.
Live with i

All of a sudden she is wondering if you want to marry her because of virginity? I hope you answered her clearly that it wasn't the reason. BUT it is VERY important as lying about such things might expose even bigger lies later on. I just hope you never gave her the impression that you were marrying her for virginity.

I don't think she is a virgin and this is a concocted story. Why would she wait ALL THESE YEARS to tell you the story? 

Secondly, why the sudden pressure to have sex? She may even be pregnant and want to pin it on you so you better watch it. 

Na you dirty the fingers?  I suspect the girl is a fake - why a story about when she was 17 is coming up now is suspicious - not before they went to registry, not at any other point, and now suddenly she wants to have sex as well? Fishy fishy fishy.

debos your theory nawao.  she may just be more matured to handle this now.  i know we come from a society almost everyone lie as if our lives depends on it she could just be telling the truth. o boy well done for keeping yourself and saying no to temptation. still continue to keep yourself pure but make sure you go marry soon becos the body is no fire wood.  
on the small matter of being married in the registry you are already married because you were not able to keep God out of that registry room. He is everywhere. a pastor said there is always a silent listener/ witness everywhere.

i am not saying go and shag her now but that you are already married in Gods sight cos the govts are agents of God like the church.

if what she said is true.

in some society, as far as a guy penetrate a girl either Penni's or finger. she is no longer virgin.

either she bleed on not she's not a Virgin.  some guy can shag a girl without her bleeding.

as far as u didn't inserts a full penetration like 3inch deep that cannot get to the hymen

the hymen is 2-3 inch deep in a Virgina.  finger or half penetration  can not get there.

so to my own view she is not a virgin

I disagree – this sounds like a case of progressive elaboration.

Right now the problem is that someone fingered her when she was 17 (of course she shouted to make him stop **rolls eyes**) next thing will be that some guy forced her to have sex when she was 21 and so on, then she felt pity for her neighbour and he has gotten her pregnant!! PS – She will still claim love for him despite all this.

Ok I am being cynical, but I am highly suspicious of revisionist stories – guys in naija these days are aware there are few virgins left. Why start with such lies? The OP says he's not marrying her for virginity, but the changing stories are worrying. If she lied about this one, there will be bigger lies to be exposed in the future.

I would proceed with caution – if you are unconvinced, take her to a medical practitioner – virginity can be established medically without him having sex with her. Doing that will remove the doubt in his mind and clear up the matter conclusively. Since she claims not to be sure if she was disvirgined, let the doctor tell us. 

The changing stories are not worrying.
Lets be honest here, the so called Naija virgins have actually come close to actually having sexual intercourse and for one reason or the other, the schitzo didn't go down. It will take an ACT of God to find a virgin in Nigeria who hasn't come close to having her hymen touched.
U just have to accept that just like you have accepted it would never snow in Lagos.


U will really subject a woman to such humiliation because of a piece of flesh called the hymen?
Tsk tsk. . . . . .Debosky, where is this coming from? 

9ja boy don HAMMER her u no know.all wat she told u were lies cos i dont see any reason why neva said such at the begining of the affairs.
bro, everything is left for you to decide oooo

You have simply described two types - liars and honest ones. I only roll with the latter. 

No doubt it's no proof she's morally good, but at least we will know whether she is lying with regard to the issue at hand - whether it was only fingering or more sinister activity had been engaged in. 

Depends - to some mugus it's worth a lot, in the sense that they'll pay a premium for it. For others it's invaluable as a sign of purity. To others it's a liability that needs to be discarded ASAP. I cater to all communities - which are you? 

I don't know everything, but some things are very simple and clear cut - are you a virgin ? Yes or No. Which one is 'I'm not sure'?  That is deception.

If she is lying about the virginity, then She is a practitioner of progressive elaboration. They present you a perfect package, get you hooked and then progressively remove the fake layers one after another. 

Then doubt is erased and things go back to normal.  He will present the GYN visit as being 'helpful' not intended to 'expose' her lie. If she stringently insists on not going, you have more reason to be suspicious.

Then you are in a 4th category - I need to expand my business. 

uuuuhhhmmnnn
Insightful comments

I don't really see why it makes a difference. If you're both otherwise content with your relationship then I don't really see what has changed since it's not like you would have been having sex with her either way for religious reasons. You should be happy she's trusted you enough to tell you.