|
Monicaa
|
http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-289891.0.html i have been writing some posts about still having feelings 4 my ex though it has been so long nd he did treat not so well in terms of honestly nd fidelity but he never laid his hands on me. i keep telling my self i deserve better nd since i am a good woman, i would meet someone better though i did, but had to end it because of feelings for my ex. After i told my ex, i was moving on, nd hopefully, i meet some1 better, it is not happening. Instead i'm meeting worse people that r still the same, lying nd others. He doesn't know, im sure if he did, he would be laughing nd see me as d loser here. There is a guy that has been disturbing me since only 4 me to find out yesterday he had a girl friend nd he is still denying it. Honestly im scared of being in a relationship now or sumwhat. It makes me feel that though my ex wasn't all that good 2 me, i'm still on the losing side, meeting some jerks nd some others, i have no real feelings. My ex has really spoilt my emotional life 4 me. pls any advice?
|
|
|
|
|
|
gen2genius (m)
|
Seriously, I don't think this is about your ex; I think it's about YOU. You're doing as if you can't survive without a man. And that's why you seem to be falling into the wrong hands. If I were you, I'd get a grip on my emotions, take my mind off relationships and focus more on myself, my career and other things that matter to me. I'd have a positive, independent attitude to life and by and by, I'd regain my confidence and self-esteem. That way, things would definitely change for the better If you don't check that tendency to always look for some man to lean on, men will continue to take advantage of you. Forget your ex and any other man for now and concentrate on yourself. Develop your mind. Be strong!  |
|
|
|
|
|
Monicaa
|
Seriously, I don't think this is about your ex; I think it's about YOU. You're doing as if you can't survive without a man. And that's why you seem to be falling into the wrong hands. If I were you, I'd get a grip on my emotions, take my mind off relationships and focus more on myself, my career and other things that matter to me. I'd have a positive, independent attitude to life and by and by, I'd regain my confidence and self-esteem. That way, things would definitely change for the better If you don't check that tendency to always look for some man to lean on, men will continue to take advantage of you. Forget your ex and any other man for now and concentrate on yourself. Develop your mind. Be strong! Honestly i can survive without a man, but we r human beings now with emotions, u know. But as u said, i think the best though it has been so long, is for me 2 get a grip on my emotions nd just be me. It's just that no matter what, i alws come across guys, anywhere nd everywherend don't want to lose some1 that could have been potential. |
|
|
|
|
|
Hollysmile
|
Oh, monicaa durling, what is it about dis guy dat drives u crazy? Guess u must've made a grave mistake by leavin him, But going back to him is not a bad option, only if he doesn't take u 2be a confused cheap slot.
If truly u love him and want to have him back, why not give him an attraction sign?
I believe he was very nice and respectful to u, but made a lil mistake of cheatin (which u cal him bad 4). Dat was de best opportunity u had to encourage him and play your part as a woman, but u fumbled (sorry 4using de word).
But honestly speakin dear, if dat guy's your love (u feel satisfied wit him in your life), why not find your way back, There are many ways to do dat - u mustn't tell point blank.
Think about it, 4get pride and de advice pple throw in here tellin u to stand by your decisions; just realize dat sometimes, impromptu decision made outta anger can be reversed wit things calm down. U said it in your last post.
Just wan2 see u happy again.
Good luck, dear!
|
|
|
|
|
|
gen2genius (m)
|
But going back to him is not a bad option, only if he doesn't take u 2be a confused cheap slot. Sorry, but aren't you being unrealistic here? How do you expect him to see her - like someone who knows what she's doing? See, this is a reality of life: whether you're a man or woman, the moment you begin to act like you can't do without someone or that it's the person that holds the key to your happiness and fulfilment in life, you risk becoming the person's slave! @ Monica. . .I'm not saying you shouldn't go back to him or anyone else, but bear that fact in mind as you take the decision |
|
|
|
|
|
Monicaa
|
Holly hun, thanks 4 wanting 2 see me happy  My ex doesnt drive me crazy, i just happened be in love with him so much, even if i wanted 2 go back 2 him, we r not even communicating, tha's why i'm in silence or here for advice. It was not only the cheating, he was nice nd bad at times, respectful at times too. he actually did me wrong in so many ways not just the cheating part but some guys too i'm meeting seem 2 have some of those attributes while others, i just do not have feelings @ all. if anything, it is up to him if he wants me so if it's not happening, i guess it might be a closing/closed chapter. Sorry, but aren't you being unrealistic here? How do you expect him to see her - like someone who knows what she's doing? See, this is a reality of life: whether you're a man or woman, the moment you begin to act like you can't do without someone or that it's the person that holds the key to your happiness and fulfilment in life, you risk becoming the person's slave! @ Monica. . .I'm not saying you shouldn't go back to him or anyone else, but bear that fact in mind as you take the decision seems true. God help me |
|
|
|
|
|
gen2genius (m)
|
And something else you mustn't forget is that a relationship can't work as it should if those involved in it don't have mutual feelings for each other. Here you are, dying for him. Does he feel the same way about you? If that's the case, I'm sure he would still have continued to communicate with you. If he has moved with his life and already found another woman (which is likely to be the case), what do you expect him to do - kick the woman out of his life for you, or make you a "spare part"? Lady, just as I said before, work on yourself. I was forced to check your profile a few minutes ago and I have a feeling you look beautiful. If you combine this asset with other accomplishments in life, what makes you think you can NEVER get someone else that'll treat you as a princess and make you a happy and fulfilled woman in life? Be strong. Love is on the way |
|
|
|
|
|
ifyalways (f)
|
@Poster,no one can spoil or ruin your emotional life without your consent. . .direct or indriectly.First off,your first love is a cheat,that rules him out. . .Unless u are willing to live with and marry a cheat cos he WONT change even after marriage.
Monicaa,Not dating does not make u less a woman ! Keep your head up and walk tall,the right man wud come.Dont even think of going back to your ex,it wud help massage his ego and believe u me,he wud get worse now with his cheating ways BUT however,if he comes back as a changed man,u can still give him a trail. . .u said u still have feelings for him.
Dont close the door of love,lock out urself or appear desperate,love lives in strange places.Use this opportunity to focus on your life/career,take good care of urself,go out, have fun,meet new and intresting ppl,u surely wud attract the right man if u carry a positive outlook and carriage.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Monicaa
|
@Poster,no one can spoil or ruin your emotional life without your consent. . .direct or indriectly.First off,your first love is a cheat,that rules him out. . .Unless u are willing to live with and marry a cheat cos he WONT change even after marriage.
Monicaa,Not dating does not make u less a woman ! Keep your head up and walk tall,the right man wud come.Dont even think of going back to your ex,it wud help massage his ego and believe u me,he wud get worse now with his cheating ways BUT however,if he comes back as a changed man,u can still give him a trail. . .u said u still have feelings for him.
Dont close the door of love,lock out urself or appear desperate,love lives in strange places.Use this opportunity to focus on your life/career,take good care of urself,go out, have fun,meet new and intresting ppl,u surely wud attract the right man if u carry a positive outlook and carriage.
I wonder y it feels so hard but Thank u Ifyalways 4 this. gen2genius, thank u too nd yes i agree if he did want me too, he should have tried 2 communicate with me. |
|
|
|
|
|
lawyer (m)
|
@Monicaa Your worse than Adam Brody  I remember sometime last year when Adam Brody made a thread about him being callous with women because his ex treated him badly and left him and he does these bad things to women so as to make him remind him of his ex. I also remembered a score of posters advising him against it and for him to move forward including you yourself who advised him to forget the past and move forward and hope for the best because you were in the same position and you would advise him to move on. But this is almost 1 year now since that post and you are still worried about your ex while the Adam Guy has vanished into thin air probably married with a new babe and your worring yourself stiff over your ex. 1. Your a prisoner to a person who doesnt wake up in the morning thinking of you and goes to bed with you as the last thing on his mind 2. He is probably either settled with someone he likes or still behaving like a jerk breaking other girls hearts 3. Your denying yourself the gift of life and happiness by tying your life to someone who never deserved you and will probably never know the difference between whats good and bad for him 4. Your letting your ego get into your way because you fantasize of what would have been and what should still be hereby making you stuck in time while the rest of the world moves forward light years ahead of you. 5. I have seen your picture before, you are a very pretty girl and you would probably meet a hoard of admirers and possible suitors that would appreciate you more than your ex, so why hold that eternal fondness for someone that doesnt care about you Live your life to the fullness and enjoy the goodness of what life has to offer! Life is too short to brood over one person who doesnt care for you! |
|
|
|
|
|
Monicaa
|
@Monicaa Your worse than Adam Brody I remember sometime last year when Adam Brody made a thread about him being callous with women because his ex treated him badly and left him and he does these bad things to women so as to make him remind him of his ex. I also remembered a score of posters advising him against it and for him to move forward including you yourself who advised him to forget the past and move forward and hope for the best because you were in the same position and you would advise him to move on. But this is almost 1 year now since that post and you are still worried about your ex while the Adam Guy has vanished into thin air probably married with a new babe and your worring yourself stiff over your ex. 1. Your a prisoner to a person who doesnt wake up in the morning thinking of you and goes to bed with you as the last thing on his mind 2. He is probably either settled with someone he likes or still behaving like a jerk breaking other girls hearts 3. Your denying yourself the gift of life and happiness by tying your life to someone who never deserved you and will probably never know the difference between whats good and bad for him 4. Your letting your ego get into your way because you fantasize of what would have been and what should still be hereby making you stuck in time while the rest of the world moves forward light years ahead of you. 5. I have seen your picture before, you are a very pretty girl and you would probably meet a hoard of admirers and possible suitors that would appreciate you more than your ex, so why hold that eternal fondness for someone that doesnt care about you Live your life to the fullness and enjoy the goodness of what life has to offer! Life is too short to brood over one person who doesnt care for you! U still remember my picture after all this while? 10ks 4 the compliment though nd this is what i really nd truly need, the hard/tough truth. i'm trying. i just happened to love him so much, but i believe there r potentials out there just haven't come across any yet. |
|
|
|
|
|
ezinne1212 (f)
|
What exactly do u love so much about your ex?
|
|
|
|
|
|
Monicaa
|
What exactly do u love so much about your ex?
B4 people like amebo no1 start criticising me, anyways, u know how it is when u genuinely care for some1. His personality, him as a person, when talking of the good side, but something inside me tells me, maybe because i'm still yet to find someone like or better than him. |
|
|
|
|
|
ezinne1212 (f)
|
Monica, please go and find a hobby, and i say that as someone who's been where you are. All i can see is that you're in love with the idea of being in love with him. Looking for someone else to replace him isn't the best solution. You need space to figure yourself out and i don't think you're giving yourself that opportunity.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hollysmile
|
Sorry, but aren't you being unrealistic here? How do you expect him to see her - like someone who knows what she's doing? See, this is a reality of life: whether you're a man or woman, the moment you begin to act like you can't do without someone or that it's the person that holds the key to your happiness and fulfilment in life, you risk becoming the person's slave!
@ Monica. . .I'm not saying you shouldn't go back to him or anyone else, but bear that fact in mind as you take the decision
In that case, there should be nothing like 'breakin up' and 'making up'. Right? |
|
|
|
|
|
rhufffryda (m)
|
Abandon the thought of having a guy in your life. Give yourself sometime to just look, observe and think, have fun, do not take anyone serious. I'd say between 6-12months. After this period, you should have healed. You may still think about the EX but the pain will not be there anymore. Even if u see him with another woman, u wont feel anything. Save yourself stress. The guys is humping some other chiks now. I can assure you of that. I had sex with a lady friend a day after breaking up with my gf of nearly 2 years. I forgot about the pain immediately.  lol. thats the way it is. Life is not fair. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
TOPE2000! (f)
|
Seriously u need to move on, quit watching his moves n steps
|
|
|
|
|
|
topup
|
Are you really willing to sell yourself short?? You don't mind having the best of a bad bunch now rather than waiting for the best of a good bunch later.
Try and look further ahead, imagine yourself in a peaceful and trusting relationship. Yes, people will lie about things, but that's their problem, they're just looking for the girl who'll be insecure enough or dumb enough to go along with their lies - and you're not one of those types of girls - OK!!
Believe me there are better options, don't sell yourself short 
Also, who is to say that you're ex is having a great time, he might still be in the vicious circle of lies and deceit.
|
|
|
|
|
|
TheSeeker (m)
|
No one should tell you how to control your feelings?
|
|
|
|
|
|
lady kool (f)
|
monicaaa
u again
hahahahahaha lool |
|
|
|
|
|
davidylan (m)
|
this monicaa sef . . . when will you stop crying?
|
|
|
|
|
|
topup
|
this monicaa sef . . . when will you stop crying?
It takes different amounts of time for different people. I for one just want to say the longer you keep trying to convince yourself that you're over him, the longer it'll take. Forget the opinions of people pressuring you to salvage your ego and "move on already", and try and find out why you haven't.
It seems the main reason is that you are scared that he's the best you'll ever have - but unless you really don't expect much from your life, that couldn't be further from the truth.
I'm not saying that there is a perfect guy but there is a better guy, it's not much to ask for is it? Don't sell yourself short, you want a guy to genuinely care for you and be loyal to you, love you and NEVER cheat - why have you convinced yourself that you're asking too much. .
*shakes head*
|
|
|
|
|
|
190 (m)
|
monica
post your pic lemme see sef
i mite be interested in ya!
|
|
|
|
|
|
igbele (f)
|
@ monicaa.
What else gladens our hearts than to be in love with some one who loves u in return? in this case you love the guy but he alwas hurt u. How are u sure if u go back to him he will not do the samething? Is he ready 2 take u back?Any way you knw him very well so follow your heart. Gud luck.
|
|
|
|
|
|
biola44 (m)
|
move on, dont go back!
|
|
|
|
|
|
igbele (f)
|
move on, dont go back!
well said. |
|
|
|
|
|
Monicaa
|
Abandon the thought of having a guy in your life. Give yourself sometime to just look, observe and think, have fun, do not take anyone serious. I'd say between 6-12months. After this period, you should have healed. You may still think about the EX but the pain will not be there anymore. Even if u see him with another woman, u wont feel anything. Save yourself stress. The guys is humping some other chiks now. I can assure you of that. I had sex with a lady friend a day after breaking up with my gf of nearly 2 years. I forgot about the pain immediately. lol. thats the way it is. Life is not fair. Sex is not everything. It means u did not love her enough. monicaaa
u again
what now? lol. 190, yes me again  nd I'm still here. If u still remember me nd my name, u should remember my picture now this monicaa sef . . . when will you stop crying?
Would you help me stop crying , im not crying pls It takes different amounts of time for different people. I for one just want to say the longer you keep trying to convince yourself that you're over him, the longer it'll take. Forget the opinions of people pressuring you to salvage your ego and "move on already", and try and find out why you haven't.
It seems the main reason is that you are scared that he's the best you'll ever have - but unless you really don't expect much from your life, that couldn't be further from the truth.
I'm not saying that there is a perfect guy but there is a better guy, it's not much to ask for is it? Don't sell yourself short, you want a guy to genuinely care for you and be loyal to you, love you and NEVER cheat - why have you convinced yourself that you're asking too much. .
*shakes head*
That's why I like you with your write ups but it is well. @ monicaa.
What else gladens our hearts than to be in love with some one who loves u in return? in this case you love the guy but he alwas hurt u. How are u sure if u go back to him he will not do the samething? Is he ready 2 take u back?Any way you knw him very well so follow your heart. Gud luck.
I am or have already accepted the difficult truth that I won't get back together with him. Thanks. |
|
|
|
|
|
heather (f)
|
i must say u need to stay off any relationship thing for now and work on yourself build up your self confidence again cos am really sure u have not gotten over this ex man of urs and probably will see every other one as same. so i suggest u give your self a brake a vacation or change of environment will do. sort out your self by the time u get back u'll feel refreshed and gathered to start off any relationship if u so please.
|
|
|
|
|
|
![Nairaland [Nigerian Forum] Home](http://www.nairaland.com/Themes/default/images/english/home.gif)
Author
