Married and Engaged Members Thread

I don't think its realistic to think marriage will be perfect, without disagreements, without quarrels. infact, I would be bored!
These disagreements tend to draw one closer to his/her spouse and creates a better understanding of ones spouse to me.
What do you think?

True nothing happens without a reason, but most people are in relationships with humans.  Unless you have nothing else to do that to spend a few minutes each day pondering your actions and words (and you'll have to spend some time while you SO is asleep anticipating anything and preparing quick responses so the other time you spend thinking doesn't get noticed), you are doomed to make a mistake.  For couples who spend a lot of time together, ie 12+ hours a day, the opportunities for you to do something that would get on the other person's nerves are greatly increased.

Since you're typically in a reciprocative relationship, you expect to be able to be yourself and that your partner would accept most of your faults.  However, unless you are one of those rare very small number of faults people and your partner is the same, chances are if you are in the spend lots of time together group, you cannot get away from chipping away at your SO's patience.  As a result, you'd tend to have arguments.

Another thing is that humans take the good or the expected for granted and we get upset with bad or unexpected.  When the microphone works at an event, we don't thank or appreciate the sound people.  When the mic acts up, then we're like, wtf is up with those idiots?  Or we don't always think to show our appreciation for someone holding the door for us.  But the day the door slams in our faces, either accidentally or on purpose, we blow up.

Additionally, as human, we have longer memories of things that hurt us.  Its how we condition reflexes from birth.  Tell a child not to play with matches, you have a slim chance of the kid paying attention.  Have the child burn themselves, you can be sure unless they are pyromaniacs or masochistic, they will have learned the lesson.  I'm betting that people here (on this forum) memories of their worst spankings as kids (for those who are no longer kids) is more vivid that most memories of nice happy times.

So, we tend to remember the arguments more in a relationship, especially in the heat of another one.  At those times, couples are at their weakest because what's foremost in mind is typically no the good parts of your SO.  However, it cannot be escaped and for those couples who want to make things work and truely love each other, its an opportunity to blow off steam and can raise issues for calm discussion afterwards.

@ allonym

That's great.

All, marriage is sweet, though very sacrificial. Remember that prayer is the key for a successful one

I took my time to read all the postings on this thread, and I must confess, I have leanrt  something.

My relation"ship " has entered stormy waters, rocked seriuos, and I am only hoping that it doesn't go down like the Titanic.(Don't mind my play on words, it's true)

To all contributors.....THANK YOU.

I hope to come add something after my marriage, although, I still  don't know when.

 

am new here,luvd what ave read so far,think i would still watch before commenting huh

@ axeprince

Don't worry, just depend on God to help you out. It's not easy but prayer is the key

@ axeprince

The sacrifices are so many, but don't worry, God'ld see you through. I've been married for 9yrs and God has been there for us always

This is an interesting thread.  Having being married for 26-years so far and making love with the same woman for 27-years, I believe I have something to offer.  The secret to lasting and enjoyable marriage is PRAYER.  There will be disagreements, some loud some quiet, even to the point of having the children involved.  But, the resolution is to know that the disagreement is about personal issues and not about the union.  Feelings have to be separated and understood that they are just feelings and those do change.  Love does not change.

In addtion, Love is long-suffering, literally, there will be "suffering" in love, but if put in proper perspective and understanding, then Love endures all.  Love your wife/husband for who he/she is and not who you want the person to be.  If you cannot do that, then marraige will suffer.  Trust, inspite of.  Put jealous in its proper place, we are only jealous for/over the people that we love.  Learn to laugh, even in the midst of argument and disagreement.  Don't sleep over disagreements/fights, rather resolve to end all fights the same day. By all means, do not share your marital problems with anyone, especially friends.  Enjoy each other's company.  Don't let work or friends get in the way of having a date with each other.  No matter how long you have been married, still go out on a date once a week.  Lastly, but not the least, Enjoy Sex, that is the glue, don't deny each other the enjoyment of sex, and don't you this as a tool.

@ Timmi

I hail you o! You need to put a lot of posts here so that we can learn more from you.
I guess you've summarised it all sha. Nice post.

But why do women let go after marriage; i.e. thay fail to keep up the spice that attracted their spouse in the first place. I keep wondering.
I see marriage as a journey and not a destination.  A lot of women see the former. Why?

Almondjoy why we no go reach there?? we don reach am pass i tell you.

Marriage is a very very very big puzzle.Everyone just has to learn to solve it in his/her own way. There are times when i feel like packing up and running back to my parents, There are times when you ask yourself'' what on earth am i doing in this man's house?''

On the other hand,there are times when you feel you cannot survive without him. Na wa for marriage o. Like people have written here, patience,tolerance and prayer are the ingredients to a happy marriage. We must get there.

I know right. Marriage no be beans oh. if your not patient then please don't bother. Not that I would know sha because am not married

I have been married just over 14 months now and I must say it has been a life changing experience. I'm glad I attended marriage conferences before marriage, things would have been more difficult to understand if I hadn't.

We have had rough times, challenges and struggles and I attribute this to the fact that we were both being real and ourselves. Looking back I am happy we got to understand who we really were early in marriage. We now understand ourselves better and our love is ever growing strong.

I have put together 7 things I understood better 12 months into marriage, I do hope it would be a blessing to others. Marriage is good but it requires total dedication, hard work and equal investments from both parties.

Congratulations joshjosh!   Yes!  I am responsible for the dragging months, because enjoy it while it lasts. I am happy you are excited.  But it is not easy. But you are the kind that WILL succeed.  Just learn to laugh a lot and never go to bed mad.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  It is easier for the carmel to pass through the eye of a needle even without it's hump

The good news is that it gets better as it gets older. Although some people are not that lucky. 

It is a good feeling though.  You take the good with the bad. And hope that the good days are more than the bad days.  Right now, we are in the  "I don tire---God be the pilot phase"!   Everyone is having a good time without paying the other any mind at all.  Nothing to bitch about anymore---except Nairaland of course!. Please if any wahala you know you can count on us!

Have a blessed day too hon'!

I like this thread!

The whole marriage thing for me has been a learning experience. It has  taught me patience, self control and what have you. I've rediscovered myself and have had to grow up in a hurry. Anyway I am not in your conventional marriage.