Manuscript First Page Critique

Fellow Nairalanders, my search through all the postings in Nairaland has not produced a place where works of fellow writers can be critiqued.  Since this is a forum for writers and those who are interested in writings, there should be a forum where our work can be posted to be critiqued. I propose we start something here. We can start by posting the first page, synopsis or first chapter of our work for others to look at and tell us their opinion. Together we can grow together. What do you think my fellow

Nairalanders.http://www.tellstrangestories.blogspot.com
http://www.lulu.com/author/content_revise.php?fCID=3867622

I agree with you. I had to paste my story on this thread. http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-305548.0.html

Your story is an often told one in the cultural setting. However yours is well written and original in its telling. Spell check more and break it down better into paragraphs and maybe make it more dialogue driven.