Your First Meeting With Your In-laws

How did you feel The First Time you Met you In-Laws?

Hello, this thread is for married peoples or those in serious relationships.

Well, I  had wanted to start this thread before I went on the trip, but I was hopping from one end of Nigeria to the other so fast that all I could do online was just catch up with my mails.

I have this trepidation when I was going, what made it worse for me wa the fact that we are from different part of Nigeria.I am Yoruba and she is Ibo.

Although I have been talking with the Mum on phone(her Dad is late), I still have this funny "will she accept me?" feeling, to the extent that I refused to enter their house the fist time I went(All the way to Umuahia).

While gisting later in the house, the Mum asked something like this "I wonder what you guys are looking for all the way down south?", trust me, I did not have an answer to the question, and I did not bother to reply.

She thinks I am naughty "boy" though.

I want you guys to share your experience, I wuold have been better prepared if I had that chance.

Hope to read more from you people.

One Love

aXePrince

i was more than worried.
i being Igbo and he, yoruba.
couldn't speak his language fluently
Had never knelt down to greet anyone in my life before that time and worried badly if i'D do correctly or end up embarrassing myself.
wondered when to get up after the greeting. ( it turned out exactly as i had feared. almost fell down while trying to get back on my feet. )
wondered if they'D like me.
was worried for days, had my heart in my mouth throughout.
it was a huge burden on my shoulders till after the meeting.
i only exhaled after the meeting.
Looking back to that day, now , i can't help but ask myself  what was the big deal?

I think it's a good thing that I started the thread then, it seems more people are seeing inter tribal mariage as a way forward.

I am really enjoying my relationship athe moment, and hope it last 4ever.

I actually enjoy talking to the Mum too,

and guess what? Her text just came in now, telling me she has only 65naira on her phone and can't watse it on me.

My lungs are busting with laughter right now.

More postings abeg

Hey! The first Advise is to be yourself. Don't try to change your behavior just to impress your future in-laws. Ask your partner what his/her parents are like,and what he expects from you.
I remember going to visit my partner's family in 1997. Am from Cross River and she is from Oyo state. The father was so cold,and the mother patronizing. They were rich and I was a poor youth corper(or so they thought). And they were speaking Yoruba and making derogatory comments. Little did they know(even my partner),that I understand some Yoruba. Imagine my wife's shock when she later realized I had heard all their discussions. Today we are married with 2 girls,and we practically carry all the family load. I don't begrudge anybody, BUT I was interested in their daughter not them! Anyone who refuses to marry someone because the family does not not approve of the person,should ask his/family to choose a partner for them, abi?! But it is still quite common in Nigeria for family members  to resist marriage from certain tribes,simply because of stereotyping if we were to listen to this, a lot of people will remain single for life!

Its not bout a tribal thing now because even people of same tribe have problems sometimes so i would say just be natural ,be yourself .

Haaahaaa nawah, thats sooo funny. He wanted you to put up a show for his sisters and you didnt understand! Men sha and there wahala ! Well,I also had to go on my knees to greet my in-laws when I first met them. Still do sha because they're yoruba and thats there style. But sometimes I just do my thing, they're not too particular about such sha so am cool with them. 

I am not an advocate for divorce, but I hope youre not still leaving in his house! Thats some mean sh*t! Military men sha.

alheri: she had to flee the country.  Check out the threads on divorce and men that rule their homes with terror.

Thanks seun, will check it out.My God! May you be delivered from such in the future!

 "Never thought that love could feel like this and you changed my world with just one kiss, how can it be that right here with me there's an angel?" ,  just wanted to go off the line here, sorry, but hope kool.

henry whats up?  your posts above has nothing to do got with the topic of this thread?  anyway you're new here. welcome to nairaland.

@ nawah,
my sister i was shocked at your experience o, can't believe it. omo na real wa o. thank God for deliverance.

@ Shanon.

Am yoruba

Ask him to tell u the kind of people his parents are, and their expectations of a daughter in law.Dads and mums have different personalities, and have different degrees of openess and acceptance, which of them  is more open and accepting by nature . Ask him

Ask him if he has told them frankly that u are white American - and what / how did they feel

Being yoruba, ill tell u his parents may be just as apprehensive as u are.Reasons, ?? - yoruba women like to have a very very close relationship with daughter in laws. in fact yoruba women consider a daughter in law , to be her own daughter - she will be wondering how both of u can click being from differnt cultures .

Be freindly, try to make break the ice, make them relax, show u are nice warm and freindly - BE  AS RESPECTFUL AS POSSIBLE WITHOUT BEING STIUPID OR SUBSERVIENT.

Be yourself

My younger brother is Nigerian American.he is married to an African American - my parents, especially mum was very apprehensive - her reason was simply  - how am i going to get along and make freinds with an American, ?? how will she be like my daughter, ??.

They did are getting along and are good freinds - however ill give u funny examples of some sources of tension between them
 
(a) She complains that her daughter in law calls her mrs( her maidien name) - instead of mummy like the other Nigerian wives of her other sons - advice - don't do what u wont feel comfortable with call her what u think is most appropriate, comfortable for u and u deem respectful enough

(b) her daughter in law has not grasped,  understood and accepted the extended family system way of life of Africans - u should  expect , visits and to host your inlaws , and relatives often - they simply expect u to be nice , accepting and accomodating - my mum sensed that her daughter in law did not like her coming often to their home in the US - her feeling was HOW CAN SHE NOT WANT ME TO VISIT MY SON IN HIS HOUSE, .

(C) The socio-economic background of his family is an important factor to help u judge certain things - is he from a rich, average or poor Nigerian background ?? - this will dictate if he is - a major breadwinner for immediate and extended family and therefore also cloud how u will be percieved - a future barrier towards contact with their son??? - if they are a comfortable family - thet will percieve u as less of a threat
.
GENERALLY JUST ASK HIM THOSE QUESTIONS, BE RESPECTFUL, FREINDLY ,WARM, FLEXIBLE AND READY TO BE SLIGHTLY AFRICAN IN NATURE, LEARN QUICK FROM HIM YORUBA EXPECTATIONS FROM A DAUGHTER IN LAW. -